This will be kind of long but here it goes. I have been with a man for the last 5 years. I'm now 42. He has children from a 17 year marriage. I do have issues with his children. The oldest is living on her own and I can not stand her. There was a time when his kids were my life and did whatever I could for them. Our relationship was not normal. We would breakup and get back together every other month it seemed. He would say he didn't know what he wanted, he was confused. The kids were always around, every weekend it was consumed with them. I became jealous of them and that caused more issues. His ex married a man in the military and wanted to take the children out of the country. There was a custody battle and he won custody for a year. During that time it was horrible. The oldest had issues with me and I did not come around them at all because of her. We fought constantly because I couldn't take it. In 2011 we ended it for good and I started seeing someone else. I was happy with the other person and was finally done with the old relationship but I did still love him. He begged me back time and time again. He told me he realized his mistakes with the kids and it would be different. He told me he would put our relationship first from now on. He even told the kids the mistakes he had made and he just wanted another chance. When the new guy and I started having trouble he and I would reconnect. I told him I wanted to go to counseling which we did but the feelings about his kids, his ex, the old issues never went away. Bottom line is its been a year now. We have been back together. The younger kids are with their mother now and even though the oldest has appolgized to me and likes me now I still can not stand her. There is so much resentment and bitterness toward them that I just don't know how to handle it. He is so loving to me. He supports me, gives me whatever I may need. He has said he wants to marry me and for us to be together because he loves me so much, more than any other woman he has ever known but I just can't get past the kids. When they were here for a summer visit I just didn't want to be around them at all. I love him and can't imagine him not in my life but there is no passion, no desire and hasn't been for a long time. The physical attraction I once had for him has gone and I don't want to have sex with him. Its gotten to the point where we fight about it now. I feel forced to have sex with him and that makes me even more angry toward him. There are times when I feel selfish and horrible and just a mean person. There was a time when all I wanted was for him to love me and put me first and now that he does, I am just so torn. Is it possible for me to get back what I felt? If I do have love for him should I not give up? This week I told him how I felt and how I wanted to try but I am so confused. I just don't know what to do anymore.