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Discussion Starter #1
I have had my suspicions and previously come across a few things on his iphone and facebook. When I confronted him he closed his facebook account and put a password on his iphone. One of the things I saw before he did that was he was looking atthe craigslist personals women seeking men. Now I have no way to check his phone to see what is going on? Any suggestions or ideas?
 

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I have had my suspicions and previously come across a few things on his iphone and facebook. When I confronted him he closed his facebook account and put a password on his iphone. One of the things I saw before he did that was he was looking atthe craigslist personals women seeking men. Now I have no way to check his phone to see what is going on? Any suggestions or ideas?
I had the same issues with my WW. If you have access to the cell phone bill and company you can see the texts and phone calls made to and from the phone(not what is actually written though). The number and duration is very telling. If he is calling or texting the same person enormous amounts and it ain't you or a known acquaintance, then odds are he's stepping out in one form or another.
 

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I do have access to the verizon bill for his iphone but I can't physically get into his phone. I haven't seen any odd numbers on the bill BUT it did show two vzwpix sent the same night a few minutes apart from two different numbers. They were sent TO him. I'm wondering if he is now posting on craiglist and wish I knew what those pics were of?
 

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Thanks I posted a reply, we'll see what happens. There's alot more that led up to all this but at the moment this is what I am dealing with.
 

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I do have access to the verizon bill for his iphone but I can't physically get into his phone. I haven't seen any odd numbers on the bill BUT it did show two vzwpix sent the same night a few minutes apart from two different numbers. They were sent TO him. I'm wondering if he is now posting on craiglist and wish I knew what those pics were of?
If you want to capture the texts and pictures you are going to need to install a program on the iphone. Unfortunately all the programs I have seen out there require you to jailbreak his phone for them to work. Another issue is that you would need the password of the phone to get in. You could return his phone to factory state to remove the password, but again that would require a lot of alone time with the phone and would be blatantly obvious. You would also again need to jailbreak the iphone to install the program. Otherwise maybe you will find something out there in the thread below, or something online that I'm unaware of. Good Luck.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I guess I am pretty much screwed then. He could have email accounts, online accounts, whatever and if I can't access the phone I can't find anything is what it sounds like :(
 

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Sit him down to night and have him hand you the phone and computer. Then ask for the password one by one. If he won't give them to or start to fidget/stall, you have your answer as to what is up. Problem is that he has had plenty of time to delete all the evidence. Although you have already gotten your answer. There is no reason why he would have put passwords on after you confronted, unless he is up to no good.
 

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I have done that and your right everything was deleted. He refuses to give me the password saying he needs some kind of privacy in his life. He even pretended to give me the password and it didn't work. Sure, I think I have my answer but I have no definite proof either.
 

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If you need proof, you can do other things such as a VAR, computer keylogger, etc that he doesn't know about, and then wait to see what happens. And in the meantime try to get his password for the phone somehow. You could even do something like set up a nanny cam overlooking places he likes to use his phone.
 

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If he won't give you the password or let you see the phone that tells you everything you need to know.

He told you he "needs some privacy in his life"? What kind of BS statement is that? For what does he need privacy? What could he be doing that is so secret that you shouldn't know about? Asking your friends/family what gift you want for your birthday? Planning your surprise party? Cheating? Looking for women on craigslist?

Tell him he can either be completely transparent with you or he can get out. You get complete access to everything and he stops deleting things. Why bother putting up with stuff like that? Why even play that game? You already know what is going on. Give him a choice - his privacy or his marriage. Tell him privacy is for the bathroom, every thing else is secrecy. And he doesn't need his phone in the bathroom.
 

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You have all the proof you really need. I know, I know... you want to catch him redhanded, but you showed your hand too soon. Rookie mistake, don't beat yourself up about it. Just kick his ass out and tell him to stay at a hotel where he can have all the privacy and space his selfish little heart desires until he agrees to complete transparecy. Easie peasie :D
 
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Even if I can get him to remove the password or give me the password he can still delete everything. I've told him that I just don't trust him anymore, I've called him a liar. He ends up twisting things around and making it my fault even though I know it's not. IE: I delete things because I know you will take them the wrong way. We've been together 23 years and I just can't believe this is happening. He makes it sounds Like I'm crazy! Truth is I am going crazy over all this.
 

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Find some inner strength, and divorce this man. Trying to get proof is going to just drive you crazy, and he is banking on that. As others have said, you already know he's up to no good.

He's gaslighting you trying to make you think you're crazy, twisting things, and declaring the sudden need for privacy. Your husband is a coniving cheater, and I doubt there's a chance to reconcile with someone like that.

It would have been a different story if he'd broken down upon confrontation and given you all the transparency you asked for, but this, to me, just proves he won't change his ways, as he feels entitled. In no way does he feel or demonstrate that he is wrong or made a terrible error in judgement.
 

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I have done that and your right everything was deleted. He refuses to give me the password saying he needs some kind of privacy in his life. He even pretended to give me the password and it didn't work. Sure, I think I have my answer but I have no definite proof either.

I'm curious as to how much proof you need, do you need to walk in on him screwing another woman? So then what he'll say to you, "oops I fell and it landed in her" then what you'll say oh ya I can see that happening, accidents happen. Sorry to be so blunt but that is what you need is the truth, you are entittled to that. You know in your heart and in your head he's up to no good, him lying about passcodes is all the proof you need, unless you prefer denial cause it's easier to look the other way. Again sorry for being harsh, my truthfulness is often hard to swallow. Here's what you do, put a VAR in his car and wait. If he's messing around or talking to other girls he will be doing it in his car because he has privacy there. Also, go on criagslist and lure him with an ad and when he responds to it you will have your proof. It's not rocket science it's common sense which isn't very common anymore. Good luck, and I hope he truly isn't messing around on you.
 

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I have done that and your right everything was deleted. He refuses to give me the password saying he needs some kind of privacy in his life. He even pretended to give me the password and it didn't work. Sure, I think I have my answer but I have no definite proof either.
Privacy is one thing. Secrecy is another. And really, no, he doesn't deserve privacy... not when he uses that time to CHEAT!

Even if I can get him to remove the password or give me the password he can still delete everything. I've told him that I just don't trust him anymore, I've called him a liar. He ends up twisting things around and making it my fault even though I know it's not. IE: I delete things because I know you will take them the wrong way. We've been together 23 years and I just can't believe this is happening. He makes it sounds Like I'm crazy! Truth is I am going crazy over all this.
To which you reply that deleting them shows that they ARE inappropriate...validating my thought that you ARE CHEATING (or trying to cheat). If you have nothing to hide, then don't hide it. Let me see, now... without you going through everything first.
 

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I would strongly suspect he IS cheating. My husband and I do tell each other when passwords are changed. We do not hide anything from each other or delete history.

My ex h is a serial cheater. He cheated on me with several women before all this technology came about. I was able to get full proof. He denied it, then I served him with divorce papers. Once I served him the papers he said I set him up to cheat and it's all my fault. He remarried and still blamed me for his miserable life years later.

He's definitely showing you the red flags.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
We USED to be that way. Then one day it was like he woke up and just changed. Bought a motorcycle and was out on rides every weekend. I thought it was his mid life crisis at first but now with all the secrecy my mind tends to go to the darkest places. Nothing ever gets resolved because it's deny deny deny or let's pretend everything is ok. AT one point I could have handled the truth but now I don't know if I would believe it even if I heard it.
 
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