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149 Posts
I thought I could stick it out because we have a one year old baby. I'm starting to realise that it is crazy to stay with my husband if I don't love him.
We don't have sex any more. I stopped initiating in April after nearly 8 years of being the only initiator..and we haven't done it since then. He hasn't even mentioned it or touched me (apart from occasional hugs) since then. We've only done it about 6 times in two years..I am HD and would do it every day if I could, he is ND, possibly asexual (not gay!).
If we seperated, he would feel he has no choice but to return to his home country (Thailand) as he is not independent at all, can't drive, can't do grocery shopping. He does work 6 nights a week and earns decent money. I am a full time mom. I feel sick that I would be 'making' him live without his child and my baby will lose his father but I am feeling more and more I can't live in a relationship where I feel he is so indifferent towards me (even though he tells me daily he loves me) and has no intimacy at all and the bad example it sets for my child.
I have been to counselling a few times. He refuses to go as he says we have a perfect marriage. He does not acknowledge that my problems are also his..as in I am not happy in the marriage so that is my issue only and I can't fix this on my own.
Last big fight we had he said if I tried to leave he would kill me and our baby. It's the second time he said it to me in 6 months. First time I thought nothing of it, just said in anger, second time I took it seriously, even though he pretty much laughed it off the next day saying of course he wouldn't do anything like that. He is not remotely abusive, one of the kindest people I've ever met, but the longer we are together I feel he's becoming more negative as he doesn't really like living in my country. He often implies that he thinks I'm a bad mother even though I know without any doubt I am a fantastic mum. Not so kind sounding I know.
So first step is I'm waiting for bub to get into child care, I potentially have a full time job lined up to start in January. I just have no idea how to actually brooch that I want to seperate. I am past wanting to work it out, I've been telling him for many years we have problems and he has never done anything to help make changes to save our marriage. I'm obviously worried about his skitsing out so really don't know how to go about it. Any replies appreciated.
We don't have sex any more. I stopped initiating in April after nearly 8 years of being the only initiator..and we haven't done it since then. He hasn't even mentioned it or touched me (apart from occasional hugs) since then. We've only done it about 6 times in two years..I am HD and would do it every day if I could, he is ND, possibly asexual (not gay!).
If we seperated, he would feel he has no choice but to return to his home country (Thailand) as he is not independent at all, can't drive, can't do grocery shopping. He does work 6 nights a week and earns decent money. I am a full time mom. I feel sick that I would be 'making' him live without his child and my baby will lose his father but I am feeling more and more I can't live in a relationship where I feel he is so indifferent towards me (even though he tells me daily he loves me) and has no intimacy at all and the bad example it sets for my child.
I have been to counselling a few times. He refuses to go as he says we have a perfect marriage. He does not acknowledge that my problems are also his..as in I am not happy in the marriage so that is my issue only and I can't fix this on my own.
Last big fight we had he said if I tried to leave he would kill me and our baby. It's the second time he said it to me in 6 months. First time I thought nothing of it, just said in anger, second time I took it seriously, even though he pretty much laughed it off the next day saying of course he wouldn't do anything like that. He is not remotely abusive, one of the kindest people I've ever met, but the longer we are together I feel he's becoming more negative as he doesn't really like living in my country. He often implies that he thinks I'm a bad mother even though I know without any doubt I am a fantastic mum. Not so kind sounding I know.
So first step is I'm waiting for bub to get into child care, I potentially have a full time job lined up to start in January. I just have no idea how to actually brooch that I want to seperate. I am past wanting to work it out, I've been telling him for many years we have problems and he has never done anything to help make changes to save our marriage. I'm obviously worried about his skitsing out so really don't know how to go about it. Any replies appreciated.