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Is my situation a...

  • Huge Deal -- Time To Walk -- Deal Breaker

    Votes: 1 16.7%
  • Big Deal -- Do something! Don't let him make this mistake!

    Votes: 3 50.0%
  • Medium Deal: -- Love him anyway

    Votes: 1 16.7%
  • No big deal. Happens to us all.

    Votes: 1 16.7%
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Discussion Starter #1
When I met my partner, I was holding a life changing opportunity. He saw how to make it profitable, and began to work. Our success meant that we were going to be able to move out of a modular and into a nice home in a good neighborhood with good support in the community. The chamber wanted to work with us and there was no competition. If we followed the plan we made, we were going to do great.

We are now surrounded by a culture of addiction, abuse and family dysfunction. The healthiest thing we could do is get out. This dream was our way out. He now pulls his financial support of the dream HE initiated. Had I known he would give up just as my part of the dream was lifting off, I would have done something different with the opportunity that made this dream possible.

Now I stand to loose the opportunity I had when I met him all together. I am under so much pressure to make it happen alone on short notice. He is happy about not struggling to obtain the dream. I'm miserable. I'm freaked. I need quick advice before I say something that destroys this relationship all together...!:confused: I am new here but I could really use your help now.
 

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Could u be more specific?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
He insisted on using my storefront. I let him. His business is there now. Had I not shared it, I would have my own biz there. It is not easy to secure commercial property opportunities such as the one I'm now about to lose because he has stopped working. He just stopped working. He is watching lots of tv. He si also very emotional about not seeing his children. When we got together one ex was so jealous she nearly split his entire family. I think he's grieving past marriage/relationships as well. I sometimes see him rereading abusive texts sent by his ex. His mother also claims I have had an agenda. Both of them think that if I loved him I wouldn't expect him to follow through. Now he says I love the opportunity/place more than him. It's just bad, bad. I have lost a lot of confidence, it's in my voice when I speak to clients as I can't seem to drum up business the way I did before meeting him. I don't know if I will be able to save the storefront all on my own but I am trying very hard. Feel free to tell me off. I know I've just screwed up royally, right?
 

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He insisted on using my storefront. I let him.
Consequences.

Can't do the shoulda woulda coulda now, it's done and you have to own that you gave it to him and in doing so gave up on yourself.

You can do 2 things:

1) cut him loose

2) suck it up and deal

It doesn't sound like he's very interested and/or invested in you or the business. That's what you have in front of you.
 

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wow what a mess!

Yes there are consequences to every choice we make.

I voted big deal because if he's not working that's kind of a problem.

But I was leaning towards deal breaker...
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Consequences.

Can't do the shoulda woulda coulda now, it's done and you have to own that you gave it to him and in doing so gave up on yourself.

You can do 2 things:

1) cut him loose

2) suck it up and deal

It doesn't sound like he's very interested and/or invested in you or the business. That's what you have in front of you.
And Trust, broken. Man I trusted him! I can't differentiate how invested/interested he is in me now. I struggle to suck it up but boy am I trying to bust a move on my own to save the place now but the sand in the clock is running out! This sucks. He's now in bed, saying he can't work because I was upset about the looming threat of now losing my spot on the planet. Before hopping in bed at 9:36am, he told his mom, "you have no idea how much trouble you have caused stabbing my wife in the back by saying she had an agenda." Hug me, somebody. This is a nightmare.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Breathe.....

What are your options?

Realistically?
I feel like a deer in the headlights. The utilities there are not on. It has a living quarters in it. we made love there. I put on my hooker boots and we were together there. It's all going down in flames. He told me last night to just leave and go there and we can meet in the middle. It's all on me now, but to earn enough for everything on my own when his business was in the forefront all these months is like going from 0mph to 100mph in less than 3 seconds. I am trying. My only option is to try to save it. I see no other way. I can't get a loan. There's not enough time. I am having difficulty breathing. For me it was all a quality of life issue. I just wanted a nice life.
 

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I get it. Security is paramount and now... you don't have it. Trusting him after he just quits? I don't think I could do it. Trust him to do what next? What's worse than giving up?

I don't want to make things sound harder for you, but if you love him and want to stick it out, you know it's going to be uphill. He's content to just ride the waves in.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
I get it. Security is paramount and now... you don't have it. Trusting him after he just quits? I don't think I could do it. Trust him to do what next? What's worse than giving up?

I don't want to make things sound harder for you, but if you love him and want to stick it out, you know it's going to be uphill. He's content to just ride the waves in.
You are right. This all has impacted my sense of security at a core level that I'm having trouble functioning. I don't see what there is to stick it out for, other than the fact I might be pregnant. :( The other day he was talking about the idea of just getting some food stamps. When I met him he was too conservative to even speak such words. I don't know what to do. I know I cannot "change" or "encourage him" enough to make what's wrong better. You are so right. We just bought a house. The overhead is so low, and I really do believe in the back of his mind he may be thinking of retiring here, for the rest of time, and splitting rent/utilities with me if I'll go for it. That means it will only cost him $300 a month to live if he can sway me in this direction, and we become a fighting tailor trash couple. This isn't what I, or we, had planned, at all. He's flipped the script. I'm so angry.

I can't believe that from your computer screen you can already see that he's just content riding the wave in. . . that is what I see, too.
 

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:(

I can't blame you for being angry. Go get a pregnancy test and find out for sure if you're expecting. Blood test if it's kind of early... this is something you need to know sooner than later.

While where you are isn't what you envisioned and is NOT the level of security you dreamed of, it is secure. You will have to settle for less in this situation. The lifestyle you have now will have to be enough. There's nothing wrong with wanting more... but if that's what you want 100% without question, then you are going to have to dump the sandbags.
 

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c101 said: He insisted on using my storefront. I let him....
He just stopped working. He is watching lots of tv. He si also very emotional about not seeing his children. When we got together one ex was so jealous she nearly split his entire family. I think he's grieving past marriage/relationships as well.
Never TRUST too quickly or blindly.... in LOVE or the Financial ...because of love.. many are good talkers but full of hot air....always count the cost, connect the dots...I wonder what his past history financially was or on the Job? I know, too late now to be looking back.. .

I wouldn't even consider doing that for someone unless he had a perfect credit rating/ not a blemish on his report...you had too much riding on it....Some things are just not worth the risk in life...

And now you might be pregnant.. better pick up a test today!
 

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Discussion Starter #15
But he's now sucking all of the emotion out of the room. Yelling and screaming about screwing up a job and unpaid bills and all the clients who didn't pay. Now he is pacing.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
he is listing everything that is wrong, unpaid bills, including the broken dryer, and now he's saying and "you want me to worry about the store?!" And he's saying the kids are suffering and he should just go drop them off at their moms. He is still pacing. Not calm at all. Now he is talking about taking everything out of the store. In my heart I am calm. I feel like I can handle this.
 
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