Talk About Marriage banner

1 - 20 of 23 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
90 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Ok so my husband usually gets horny in the mornings. Here is the challenge for me:

I wake up at 6am for work, I am NOT a morning person. I"m usually groggy, stiff, sleepy and definitely not in the mood for sex...ever.
My husband does not do quickies so it's always an all out sexual experience physically and mentally. For me I am not up to all that at 6am.
I am the one who goes to work. He is retired. So if things go over and I have to rush, it makes the start of my day suck.

Now with all this being said, I am willing to give him some because it is not ALL about me. I have. I just suck up the challenges and move on.

But ladies...how have you handled morning sex? Is it always quickies? What time do you start? How do you compromise? What are the struggles?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,839 Posts
Go to bed earlier, or lay out your clothes and other work needs the night before. Then you can have a nap after sex and still not be tired or rushed in the morning. Otherwise, you can initiate sex in the evening so there is less likelihood he will feel the urge to initiate in the morning. Testosterone levels are highest early morning, which is probably why he's horny then.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,376 Posts
@MZMEE,

My Beloved Hubby is also a morning man, and I am a nightowl by nature. Always have been, and probably always will be. If I went by my natural clock, I'd be up until midnight, and wake up about 8am. BUT that's not the way the world works, and it's not the way my hubby works.

Honestly? I did an experiment once where I had sex every day for a week, no excuses. I just thought I'd give it a try and see what I discovered. Know what I learned? I had a million and one excuses! I mean, even though I had made the decision for once-a-day for seven days, I would hear in my head "Oh I'm tired!" or "I am not in the mood" or "the kids are awake" or "UGH not now" etc. etc. etc. I realized that if I waited until I heard "Oh yeah. I have all kinds of energy, I'm in the mood, and we are completely alone! Let's do this!" I'd be waiting for a LONG TIME! So I learned that sex is kind of like really good perfume...you don't save it for a special time. If you just let it sit there it will eventually go bad, so instead use it every day and think of every day as a special time.

I also learned that if I get past the excuses in my head, I actually love sex. What I mean is that for those seven days I just kind of put aside the excuse I heard in my head, and went for it anyway. Sometimes I'd say something like "Give me a minute to warm up," which didn't really take long, and then I let myself actually take a minute to get into it. And what I discovered is that the excuses were a little bit like a road bump, but if you could get past that little speed bump I really did like it! I got joy out of it and I felt closer, etc. So it was worth it to get past the bump...for me. It made ME happy.

So now what I do is that any time he's in the mood--morning, noon, or night--I either jump in with him or just say "Give me a minute to get there with ya" and we make out like teenagers. Now I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, so mornings for me are probably my lowest period of the day because I feel stiff and achy. Well, let me tell ya, nothing relieves aches and pains like a tongue lashing! LOL We don't usually do quickies either, but we do have one way that we both like that is more cuddly than athletic, and that is sometimes where we'll go in the morning if I just can't get to athletic sex. And as for rushing, Beloved Hubby tends to be the one who worries more about the time (I tend to get into it enough that time is thrown to the wind), so if we are running late, I actually am a big old tease! I do my fastest wash-and-dress routine but then the rest of the day I'll say stuff like "Oh, my hair is still a little messy from this morning Ooo-la-la" or "I can still smell you" :p Hey I don't have to be a beauty queen at work every day--just clean and dressed! My term for that is "being shiny" so on days where we took a little time for ourselves, I think "I'm at work but I'm not shiny today." LOL

Last thought: as I mentioned I'm a nightowl but Beloved Hubby is former military. Trust me when I say, once they serve, they always serve. So he's on that schedule where we go to bed early, he wakes up in that 4am/pre-dawn timeframe to make sure there is no dawn enemy attack, then he cuddles in for a little longer and we get up EARLY. Shoot, I'm usually at my desk, dressed and ready by 7am so yeah...early. This is utterly against my natural body-clock, but you know what I do? I just set the alarm for about 5:30am and then snooze it a couple times. Sometimes it's enough to wake us both up and things occur. Sometimes it doesn't jar us awake...just enough for some morning spooning until we actually have to get out of the bed. So honestly, when he goes to bed, I do too. When he wakes up, I do too. That's just the way I choose to do it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,576 Posts
I have to be at my computer for an hour or so by three am each weekday so I usually get up at two thirty. (I work from home)
My wife ran her own gym for years and always opened up at five am. She gets up just as I’m finishing and we have a workout in our home gym then the two of us have another workout together in bed.
It’s a great way to start the day, better than cornflakes anyway.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
90 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
Go to bed earlier, or lay out your clothes and other work needs the night before. Then you can have a nap after sex and still not be tired or rushed in the morning. Otherwise, you can initiate sex in the evening so there is less likelihood he will feel the urge to initiate in the morning. Testosterone levels are highest early morning, which is probably why he's horny then.
I do all my routines the night before. This is how I can be out of the bed at 6:30 and out the house by 7:30am which includes eating a full breakfast. So it's not about everything else I have to do in the morning. It's about my body and mind not even functioning to that level that early. I think the only resolve is to get up earlier and I dread that thought. It's hard enough for me to wake up at 6am. I usually wake up at 6 so I can kind of slow roll til I get out of the bed no later than 6:30. During this 30 min we tend to cuddle and chit chat. But I dread when he wants to take this time to have sex because either it goes over and then I have to rush or because he has the time on his mind...he doesn't reach a "finish" and I feel like I went through all that for nothing. Not how I want to start the morning.

I just wish he was more of a quickie person. He'd probably get it every morning. But he wants to go through all the "extras" like talking through a whole fantasy...my brain is NOT awake for all that. Then due to his size it's physically taxing that early. I'd rather bend over the sink and wam bam thank you mam than be stretched and bent before my body wakes up. LOL:grin2:

Welp...there may never be a solution. I guess I just have to go with whatever. I just wanted to know others experiences.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,928 Posts
Have you talked with him about it? Told him that you're totally up for a quickie in the morning but full on sex is difficult for you when you have to work? You could make a plan...quickie's happen on work days, full out sex happens on the weekend.

How many more years until you retire too?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,675 Posts
Morning sex has to be a quickie or else there will be no morning sex. I have to get up and go to work.
Also, morning breath is gross, so usually we don’t kiss bc I don’t like it. It’s either missionary or doggie because I am too tired otherwise.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,556 Posts
It's a great, positive sign that you're working on this "challenge" !

These are the problems or challenges that are good to have.

Imagine if the problem was "we never have ...."

Hey, you'll find the right balance I have no doubt. Carry on!

👍👍👍
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
90 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
Have you talked with him about it? Told him that you're totally up for a quickie in the morning but full on sex is difficult for you when you have to work? You could make a plan...quickie's happen on work days, full out sex happens on the weekend.

How many more years until you retire too?
Well the issue with quickies is hubby is a big guy so he's physically not able to do a simple quickie I am used to in previous relationships. You know...lay in the bed on the side, pull the panties and go for it. Or maybe at the bathroom sink.

The other issue with quickies is again my husband just isn't mentally capable. He has to go through a whole fantasy in his head to get to a finish. This takes time. I know it's crazy because most women get offended at the "wham bam thank you mam" 2-5 minute sex. I am actually welcoming it. He can't do quickies so sex with us is always lengthy just for him to finish.

Oh I have a good 15 years before I retire :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
90 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
It's a great, positive sign that you're working on this "challenge" !

These are the problems or challenges that are good to have.

Imagine if the problem was "we never have ...."

Hey, you'll find the right balance I have no doubt. Carry on!

👍👍👍
Thanks Rag! LOL. Yeah it's more on me too. I just have to find a healthy compromise so he doesn't end up with unmet needs.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,442 Posts
He's retired. You have to go to work. I'd think it would be him doing more compromising since you need to get up and out the door and work all day, and HE DOESN'T.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,928 Posts
He's retired. You have to go to work. I'd think it would be him doing more compromising since you need to get up and out the door and work all day, and HE DOESN'T.
The way I see it, you have 2 choices...save the morning sex for the weekend or adjust your entire schedule around his sex needs. I used to work evenings...I got up at 8am with my kids every day. Then I switched to the day shift and had to get up at 5am every day. It sucked at first but now it's old hat. I go to bed at an appropriate time for when I have to get up. You could switch your times...get up one hour earlier than usual...have your morning sex, a shower, and go on with your day. Go to be earlier to make up for it. In very little time it will just be your new routine.

I think it's awesome that you want to find a way to make it work so hubby's needs are met. I hope he's as considerate about your needs too :smile2:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,556 Posts
He's retired. You have to go to work. I'd think it would be him doing more compromising since you need to get up and out the door and work all day, and HE DOESN'T.
Whereas your response approaches this in a binary manner a solution, in practice imho this wouldn't be the cut and dried solution one may think it is for many productive and valued husbands.

There's a balance but again, kindly, imho, the answer won't be to never have the option for sex in the morning.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,442 Posts
He's retired. You have to go to work. I'd think it would be him doing more compromising since you need to get up and out the door and work all day, and HE DOESN'T.
Whereas your response approaches this in a binary manner a solution, in practice imho this wouldn't be the cut and dried solution one may think it is for many productive and valued husbands.

There's a balance but again, kindly, imho, the answer won't be to never have the option for sex in the morning.
I think you should read the OPs other threads for background.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,991 Posts
I do all my routines the night before. This is how I can be out of the bed at 6:30 and out the house by 7:30am which includes eating a full breakfast. So it's not about everything else I have to do in the morning. It's about my body and mind not even functioning to that level that early. I think the only resolve is to get up earlier and I dread that thought. It's hard enough for me to wake up at 6am. I usually wake up at 6 so I can kind of slow roll til I get out of the bed no later than 6:30. During this 30 min we tend to cuddle and chit chat. But I dread when he wants to take this time to have sex because either it goes over and then I have to rush or because he has the time on his mind...he doesn't reach a "finish" and I feel like I went through all that for nothing. Not how I want to start the morning.

I just wish he was more of a quickie person. He'd probably get it every morning. But he wants to go through all the "extras" like talking through a whole fantasy...my brain is NOT awake for all that. Then due to his size it's physically taxing that early. I'd rather bend over the sink and wam bam thank you mam than be stretched and bent before my body wakes up. LOL:grin2:

Welp...there may never be a solution. I guess I just have to go with whatever. I just wanted to know others experiences.
He could learn to compromise a little as well. A full talking fantasy before work is asking for a lot all the time.

Bent over a convenient object sounds mighty good to this barbarian.:grin2:
 
1 - 20 of 23 Posts
Top