And when I say "away from home", I don't mean like a few minutes down the road.. Im talking more like possibly out of state.... like say 100 miles away or more.
Im just asking because my parents, especially my mom, seem to have a real hard time with accepting their kids living that far away from them.
For those who don't already know, I moved out of their house when I was around 19... maybe a couple months before I turned 19 to be exact. Anyway, they were always really protective over me and were used to having me there with them. I had 3 brothers, they all still live at home. Never been married, never had kids, never moved out. The oldest is about to turn 33 next month, the second oldest will be turning 31 next month, and the youngest is 20. I know, it isnt everyday that you see someone thats in their 30s still living at home with mom and dad... but what can I say, I have an unusual family.
So when I moved down to Georgia at almost 19 years old to be with my now husband, I knew it wouldnt be easy for my parents. Simply because of the fact that they had never had to deal with having any of their kids move away or get married... BUT I didnt know it was going to be as hard on them as it was. My mom cried constantly and everytime I talked to her on the phone, she begged me to move back. And a lot of times I felt like she would say things to upset me and cause problems between my husband and I, in hopes that we'd split up and Id move back home. She'd never admit this, but I feel that its true. I tried explaining to her that when your kid is over legal age, its their choice to decide who they want to be with, and where they want to live, and that she needed to just accept it. I was with someone that I loved, someone that made me happy, and I just didnt know why she couldnt be happy for me. My husband had a good paying stable job, he owned his own house, hes hard working, hes loyal, hes extremely generous and kind.... but none of that mattered to her, the only thing she cared about was that he lived in Georgia.
When it was time for my husband and I to get married, we even offered to have the wedding up in north carolina, (which is where Im originally from) so that my parents wouldnt have to drive all the way down to Georgia. It was actually my husbands idea and he thought he was offering to do a nice thing... but my mom didnt like the idea and her exact words were "You might as well just have your wedding in Georgia. If you have it here, its just going to be like a slap in the face to see you drive 500 miles away when the wedding is over." I was like really? Does that make any sense at all?
I got sick of her nagging me about moving back, so eventually I just told her that we might move back there someday but that my husband's job meant a lot to him, and until he was ready to move, I wasn't going to press the issue with him anymore.
Eventually my husband did decide that he wanted to move, so thats what we did. We are now living in north carolina, which is where Im from originally, about 10 minutes away from my parents house. Im content with living up here, and so is my husband... he has a motorcycle, which is his pride and joy, and he loves riding it through the mountains, which is something that he could never do in Georgia, since mountains are pretty much non existent there.
But still, sometimes I think to myself... As much as I love the mountains, It would be nice to live somewhere near the beach too... We went down to a friend's wedding in Ft Myers Florida not long ago and it was beautiful there... Id love to live somewhere like that.... or even Hawaii. One of my husband's stepsisters is married to a Marine and he just recently get stationed in Hawaii... she posts pictures on Facebook all the time of her in Hawaii and it makes me so jealous because its looks like such a gorgeous place to live. They live literally just a couple miles from the beach.
But then in the back of my mind, I think to myself, I cant move to Florida or Hawaii.... because if I do, Im going to have to deal with my mom whining and complaining, wanting me to move back home and acting like she cant go on without me. Its almost not even worth it.
She even said to me before, "you can live wherever you want to, but just wait until after Im dead."
I remember when I left to move down to Georgia, I was excited because I was finally going to be moving out, getting some independence from them, and most importantly getting to be with my husband... but it kind of ruined my happiness when I saw how devastated my parents were.. and I can only imagine it would be the same way if we moved to Florida or any other place that I would want to live.
My opinion is, kids grow up, they move away and they start their own families. Their comes a point when you have to stop worrying about what your parents want, and do what makes YOU happy. Yea it sucks not being able to see them whenever I want, but I was talking to them on the phone everyday, and visiting them at least once every couple months. Its not like you have to totally shut someone out of your life just because you dont live right down the road from them.
I always felt my mom was jealous of my husband's family because we lived way closer to them than we did to my family... and she'd always make comments like "whenever you have kids, theyre not even going to know who we are! All theyll know is their grandparents on their dad's side... they won't hardly ever get to see the grandparents on their mom's side!" Even though i reassured her that if we had kids while living in Georgia, that I would bring them up to visit her as often as I could. Not to mention, there's skype... sure its not as great as seeing someone in person but at least you get to see them... but that just wasnt good enough for her.
I think the main reason my mom hates being away from me is because she fears we will become distant, in the way that she and her mom did... I can understand her feelings but I cant help but to be a little annoyed by it at the same time.
Have any of you ever had a kid move miles away from home? Did you try to talk them out of it or did you just accept it? And also if I do want to move again sometime in the future, do you think its fair that I should have to forget about what makes me happy, just so I can please my parents? I dont want to be insensitive to them and their feelings but I also want to be able to live my life and do what makes me happy.
Im just asking because my parents, especially my mom, seem to have a real hard time with accepting their kids living that far away from them.
For those who don't already know, I moved out of their house when I was around 19... maybe a couple months before I turned 19 to be exact. Anyway, they were always really protective over me and were used to having me there with them. I had 3 brothers, they all still live at home. Never been married, never had kids, never moved out. The oldest is about to turn 33 next month, the second oldest will be turning 31 next month, and the youngest is 20. I know, it isnt everyday that you see someone thats in their 30s still living at home with mom and dad... but what can I say, I have an unusual family.
So when I moved down to Georgia at almost 19 years old to be with my now husband, I knew it wouldnt be easy for my parents. Simply because of the fact that they had never had to deal with having any of their kids move away or get married... BUT I didnt know it was going to be as hard on them as it was. My mom cried constantly and everytime I talked to her on the phone, she begged me to move back. And a lot of times I felt like she would say things to upset me and cause problems between my husband and I, in hopes that we'd split up and Id move back home. She'd never admit this, but I feel that its true. I tried explaining to her that when your kid is over legal age, its their choice to decide who they want to be with, and where they want to live, and that she needed to just accept it. I was with someone that I loved, someone that made me happy, and I just didnt know why she couldnt be happy for me. My husband had a good paying stable job, he owned his own house, hes hard working, hes loyal, hes extremely generous and kind.... but none of that mattered to her, the only thing she cared about was that he lived in Georgia.
When it was time for my husband and I to get married, we even offered to have the wedding up in north carolina, (which is where Im originally from) so that my parents wouldnt have to drive all the way down to Georgia. It was actually my husbands idea and he thought he was offering to do a nice thing... but my mom didnt like the idea and her exact words were "You might as well just have your wedding in Georgia. If you have it here, its just going to be like a slap in the face to see you drive 500 miles away when the wedding is over." I was like really? Does that make any sense at all?
I got sick of her nagging me about moving back, so eventually I just told her that we might move back there someday but that my husband's job meant a lot to him, and until he was ready to move, I wasn't going to press the issue with him anymore.
Eventually my husband did decide that he wanted to move, so thats what we did. We are now living in north carolina, which is where Im from originally, about 10 minutes away from my parents house. Im content with living up here, and so is my husband... he has a motorcycle, which is his pride and joy, and he loves riding it through the mountains, which is something that he could never do in Georgia, since mountains are pretty much non existent there.
But still, sometimes I think to myself... As much as I love the mountains, It would be nice to live somewhere near the beach too... We went down to a friend's wedding in Ft Myers Florida not long ago and it was beautiful there... Id love to live somewhere like that.... or even Hawaii. One of my husband's stepsisters is married to a Marine and he just recently get stationed in Hawaii... she posts pictures on Facebook all the time of her in Hawaii and it makes me so jealous because its looks like such a gorgeous place to live. They live literally just a couple miles from the beach.
But then in the back of my mind, I think to myself, I cant move to Florida or Hawaii.... because if I do, Im going to have to deal with my mom whining and complaining, wanting me to move back home and acting like she cant go on without me. Its almost not even worth it.
She even said to me before, "you can live wherever you want to, but just wait until after Im dead."
I remember when I left to move down to Georgia, I was excited because I was finally going to be moving out, getting some independence from them, and most importantly getting to be with my husband... but it kind of ruined my happiness when I saw how devastated my parents were.. and I can only imagine it would be the same way if we moved to Florida or any other place that I would want to live.
My opinion is, kids grow up, they move away and they start their own families. Their comes a point when you have to stop worrying about what your parents want, and do what makes YOU happy. Yea it sucks not being able to see them whenever I want, but I was talking to them on the phone everyday, and visiting them at least once every couple months. Its not like you have to totally shut someone out of your life just because you dont live right down the road from them.
I always felt my mom was jealous of my husband's family because we lived way closer to them than we did to my family... and she'd always make comments like "whenever you have kids, theyre not even going to know who we are! All theyll know is their grandparents on their dad's side... they won't hardly ever get to see the grandparents on their mom's side!" Even though i reassured her that if we had kids while living in Georgia, that I would bring them up to visit her as often as I could. Not to mention, there's skype... sure its not as great as seeing someone in person but at least you get to see them... but that just wasnt good enough for her.
I think the main reason my mom hates being away from me is because she fears we will become distant, in the way that she and her mom did... I can understand her feelings but I cant help but to be a little annoyed by it at the same time.
Have any of you ever had a kid move miles away from home? Did you try to talk them out of it or did you just accept it? And also if I do want to move again sometime in the future, do you think its fair that I should have to forget about what makes me happy, just so I can please my parents? I dont want to be insensitive to them and their feelings but I also want to be able to live my life and do what makes me happy.