How do you feel about keeping things from your spouse?

Am TOTALLY in agreement with Holland on this one.

Part of being an adult is realizing that NOT EVERYTHING is about YOU or is YOUR BUSINESS. Also part of being an adult is realizing that if you don't TRUST your PARTNER, you don't have much.

A friend of mine has had nervous breakdowns in the past and been hospitalized. NEVER told my STBXH as it was NEVER his business and was never *MY* story to tell.

Ditto for siblings/friends who've had abortions, affairs, a wandering eye. These things are NOT my spouse's business. And they are not *MY* story to tell others. If I feel uncomfortable hanging out with these people because I no longer feel we share a common outlook on life, then I will quit associating with them because *I* no longer care to (for whatever my reasoning). But, even then, I would never tell my spouse/SO what was told to me in confidence.

This goes for all matters (and only those matters) that have NO BEARING on my relationship with spouse/SO. [Note: Just because a friend has an affair does NOT mean I'm going to become more susceptible to one. Therefore, it is NOT my spouse/SO's business.]

SlowlyGettingWiser said:

Part of being an adult is realizing that NOT EVERYTHING is about YOU or is YOUR BUSINESS. Also part of being an adult is realizing that if you don't TRUST your PARTNER, you don't have much.

A friend of mine has had nervous breakdowns in the past and been hospitalized. NEVER told my STBXH as it was NEVER his business and was never *MY* story to tell.

Ditto for siblings/friends who've had abortions, affairs, a wandering eye. These things are NOT my spouse's business. And they are not *MY* story to tell others. If I feel uncomfortable hanging out with these people because I no longer feel we share a common outlook on life, then I will quit associating with them because *I* no longer care to (for whatever my reasoning). But, even then, I would never tell my spouse/SO what was told to me in confidence.

This goes for all matters (and only those matters) that have NO BEARING on my relationship with spouse/SO. [Note: Just because a friend has an affair does NOT mean I'm going to become more susceptible to one. Therefore, it is NOT my spouse/SO's business.]

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I don't view this the same at all... It's funny how different people are and their outlooks...I suppose some of this has to do with upbringing, and our personal experiences - being burned with a BF/GF/ spouse who abused the situation or watched others go down that path.

It is good when a couple is on the same page in these things..... I surely don't feel I nor my husband lacks trust, feels everything is about US, or that we are less than adults ... because we DO share all things. I also don't take the attitude that "it's none of his business", nor would he even utter such a thing about me...being his other half.

When a spouse genuinely wants/prefers/ even enjoys sharing all things with the other.....I see this as something beautiful, something honorable even....nothing remotely related to immaturity or ego.

It IS vitally important however ... that such a spouse holds these things in the strictest of confidence....they are understanding individuals, not criticizing judgers who look down on others for their weaknesses, lowest gutters of life.

It is our RULE in our marriage - that what is shared between us, stays with ONLY US. As it should be...most especially about a friend who shared something very sensitive in confidence, I don't take that lightly... neither does my husband.

All of my Girlfriends know I share all with my husband, and they are fine with this....the last one, who opened up to me, wanted me to get HIS advice on her current relationship dilemma - wanting me to call her later with his thoughts! My husband is well respected and none of my husband's friends would have qualms with him sharing stuff with me either, they know how understanding I am - heck, some of them call me for advice >> he hands them the phone!!

Jane_Doe said:

I've always figured, anything you tell me, you're telling my husband too. He's my best friend, the one who will gossip with me, who'll stew things over with me, who'll put things in perspective with me. One of my friends knows this, and so limits what she tells me because she doesn't know/trust my husband in the same way I do. Which is fine by me. I'd rather have her withhold personal stuff from me than me withholding anything from my husband.

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Ok no disrespect I acknowledge what you are saying but here is an example of what I mean but not telling my SO everything.

My best friend has had some really difficult times in her past including abuse and a partner that forced her to sell herself sexually. This was many years ago.
She is my soul sister and we were friends well before I met SO. I would never disclose this part of her life to SO or anyone.

I value her friendship highly, in fact as much as a sister. If I told him it could well colour his view of her which is unfair to all.

I also value the fact that we have such a good friendship that she feels safe enough to share her life with me and visa versa.

There are just some things that are no ones business and as the pp said they are not part of my story and not my property to share. To do so would be a betrayal.