I don't view this the same at all... It's funny how different people are and their outlooks...I suppose some of this has to do with upbringing, and our personal experiences - being burned with a BF/GF/ spouse who abused the situation or watched others go down that path.SlowlyGettingWiser said:
Part of being an adult is realizing that NOT EVERYTHING is about YOU or is YOUR BUSINESS. Also part of being an adult is realizing that if you don't TRUST your PARTNER, you don't have much.
A friend of mine has had nervous breakdowns in the past and been hospitalized. NEVER told my STBXH as it was NEVER his business and was never *MY* story to tell.
Ditto for siblings/friends who've had abortions, affairs, a wandering eye. These things are NOT my spouse's business. And they are not *MY* story to tell others. If I feel uncomfortable hanging out with these people because I no longer feel we share a common outlook on life, then I will quit associating with them because *I* no longer care to (for whatever my reasoning). But, even then, I would never tell my spouse/SO what was told to me in confidence.
This goes for all matters (and only those matters) that have NO BEARING on my relationship with spouse/SO. [Note: Just because a friend has an affair does NOT mean I'm going to become more susceptible to one. Therefore, it is NOT my spouse/SO's business.]
Ok no disrespect I acknowledge what you are saying but here is an example of what I mean but not telling my SO everything.I've always figured, anything you tell me, you're telling my husband too. He's my best friend, the one who will gossip with me, who'll stew things over with me, who'll put things in perspective with me. One of my friends knows this, and so limits what she tells me because she doesn't know/trust my husband in the same way I do. Which is fine by me. I'd rather have her withhold personal stuff from me than me withholding anything from my husband.
Which is as it should be!All of my Girlfriends know I share all with my husband, and they are fine with this
It IS vitally important however ... that such a spouse holds these things in the strictest of confidence....they are understanding individuals, not criticizing judgers
I totally get your pov; with rules such as these, I'm sure it works out well for you.what is shared between us, stays with ONLY US
This is just not something that I would be interested in. I am firmly in Holland's camp on this one; I guess at my age I've just met a LOT MORE PEOPLE WITH A LOT MORE TO LOSE by careless slips of the tongue. And I realize how EASY it is for someone's opinion to be colored by circumstances/information from long ago.When a spouse genuinely wants/prefers/ even enjoys sharing all things with the other.....I see this as something beautiful, something honorable even
If the bill is in your name, you can go onto your phone carrier's website and find those numbers. You can't see the messages, but the numbers will be there with the date/time, etc.yeah I had a hard enough time keeping the surprise of our engagement from her (ie. hiding the ring, etc), that was 6 years ago. this will have to wait a few days.
on a seperate issue though - i'm looking at my cell phone bill from past months and I only see Voice calls and not text messages. I can lookup Current Usage of text messages though.
For those that have concerns for your marriage, how do you go back and find phone numbers texted?