Thanks for your kind words, Lady. They really mean a lot.
I can't begin to imagine the dilemma you're in, it must be very confusing. Three months is just so little time to forgive the other completely and get rid of the resentment. Especially when you're seeing them on a daily basis.
There's some kind of weird bliss to not knowing what your wayward is doing. I don't know why, but probably it is because you don't get to see them acting as if nothing had happened. It's ridiculous to ask someone to be constantly showing signs of regret and remorse, no human is capable of doing that but it must be really hard to see that person smile when everything is just crumbling inside you.
I believe what you're feeling must be part of the emotional rollercoaster. The pain has a weird mechanic of fading. It leaves you alone for sometime, then come back stronger, then leave you alone for a longer time, than come back even strong and so on. Each time it goes, it takes away some part of your soul.
My turn to tell you to hang in there. Even though, you're the one that suffers the most, you're also the one who make the calls. You have the upper hand, I understand how you wish that you didn't have to be in that position, but at least the person who gets to stir the relationship now is you.
I do understand what you mean by my chance of starting over. I believe that my life lies ahead of me, and I'm intending to get the best out of it.
I hear you TDSC, I believe in the power of entropy. Time erodes everything good or bad, at least in my situation, things can only go uphill from this point.
I don't seek to feel the void with other people. I actually despise this reasoning. I just wanted to see how people that have been there longer than me manage to make the healing process lighter and less painful in itself.