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I always recommend counseling.

Not talking about it is likely to lead to bottled up emotions that will explode one day during an argument.
 

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In addition to marriage counseling, you had better have an OB/Gyn checkup, just to confirm that "nothing else" happened while you were busy imbibing that night!
 

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My husband and I have been married for a little over a year, and have a great relationship. We have never had any significant issues and infidelity has never been a problem. Two days ago, I made some bad decisions that have put a lot of stress on our relationship. We had a friend over for dinner and drinks, he is a good friend of my husband. We were all over served, particularly me and the friend. I woke up in the morning, in bed with my husband, and could tell he was upset. I knew I drank too much because I felt horrible, but until my husband started telling me what happened the night before, I didn't realize that I blacked out for about 2 hours. I don't remember a THING during that time. This has never happened to me before. The friend also doesn't seem to remember most of the night. I think he actually blacked out before I did.

My husband said that his friend was talking to me about how he was upset he was an usher and not a groomsman in our wedding, he said that I didn't really agree with him, but didn't stand up for him either - just listened. He was a little annoyed at this, but understood why I might not want to make a drunk, emotional person more upset.

My husband said he went to bed before I did, and that when I came up, I was topless. He does not know if the friend was still awake at the time. He said I did let our dog out in the backyard before I came to bed, and it had rained that night, so I may have gotten wet and stupid, drunk me decided to just take off the wet clothes, but I really have no idea what happened. I am not attracted to this friend in any way and really can't believe I would cheat on my husband, let alone in our own house, with him upstairs, regardless of my state. Everything I've read about blackouts is that even though you are inhibited, you are still aware at the time, and I just wouldn't do that. I think he thinks this too, but the "what if" makes it really difficult, and I know he is trying to think the best and not imagine the worst. He said that he was hurt, but will get over it, and just needs some time.

I obviously feel very guilty, and realize that this all started because I abused alcohol. I'm not using it as an excuse, but had I not made that first bad decision of taking too many shots, we wouldn't be in this situation. My question is how do we move on? Should we seek counseling? Should I just respect his wish of not talking about it and hope it blows over. My marriage is the most important thing in my life, and I don't want to be the cause of my husband's suffering.
I call bs on this.I have been at parties and seen people drunk out of their minds and I have been absolutely hammered myself but I never saw anyone getting undressed.You can plead blacking out if you want but no way was your friend blacked out too.If you are coming on an anonymous forum looking for advice at least be honest.
 

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In addition to marriage counseling, you had better have an OB/Gyn checkup, just to confirm that "nothing else" happened while you were busy imbibing that night!
Why would her unfortunate husband need marriage counselling,all he did was trusted his wife.If she can't keep her clothes on after a few drinks then it's legal counselling he needs.
 

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Tequila makes her clothes fall off.

The husband can decide how he feels about that moving forward.

But I'm sure they can't just forget it and move on without dealing with it now. That they can't do, no matter if they want to or not.
 

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If your husband wasn't there then how does he know that you blacked out? How do you know that you did? How do you know the other man did as well?
 

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Discussion Starter #8
My husband and I have been married for a little over a year, and have a great relationship. We have never had any significant issues and infidelity has never been a problem. Two days ago, I made some bad decisions that have put a lot of stress on our relationship. We had a friend over for dinner and drinks, he is a good friend of my husband. We were all over served, particularly me and the friend. I woke up in the morning, in bed with my husband, and could tell he was upset. I knew I drank too much because I felt horrible, but until my husband started telling me what happened the night before, I didn't realize that I blacked out for about 2 hours. I don't remember a THING during that time. This has never happened to me before. The friend also doesn't seem to remember most of the night. I think he actually blacked out before I did.

My husband said that his friend was talking to me about how he was upset he was an usher and not a groomsman in our wedding, he said that I didn't really agree with him, but didn't stand up for him either - just listened. He was a little annoyed at this, but understood why I might not want to make a drunk, emotional person more upset.

My husband said he went to bed before I did, and that when I came up, I was topless. He does not know if the friend was still awake at the time. He said I did let our dog out in the backyard before I came to bed, and it had rained that night, so I may have gotten wet and stupid, drunk me decided to just take off the wet clothes, but I really have no idea what happened. I am not attracted to this friend in any way and really can't believe I would cheat on my husband, let alone in our own house, with him upstairs, regardless of my state. Everything I've read about blackouts is that even though you are inhibited, you are still aware at the time, and I just wouldn't do that. I think he thinks this too, but the "what if" makes it really difficult, and I know he is trying to think the best and not imagine the worst. He said that he was hurt, but will get over it, and just needs some time.

I obviously feel very guilty, and realize that this all started because I abused alcohol. I'm not using it as an excuse, but had I not made that first bad decision of taking too many shots, we wouldn't be in this situation. My question is how do we move on? Should we seek counseling? Should I just respect his wish of not talking about it and hope it blows over. My marriage is the most important thing in my life, and I don't want to be the cause of my husband's suffering.
I call bs on this.I have been at parties and seen people drunk out of their minds and I have been absolutely hammered myself but I never saw anyone getting undressed.You can plead blacking out if you want but no way was your friend blacked out too.If you are coming on an anonymous forum looking for advice at least be honest.
I am not lying. Why the heck would I come on here and lie? If you don't want to give advice, no need to respond. I honestly cannot remember anything without my husband being there, which he says was about 2 hours between when he went to bed and I came up. The friend told us he doesn't remember anything, I didn't pressure him on it, but I don't really have a reason not to believe him.
 

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If your husband wasn't there then how does he know that you blacked out? How do you know that you did? How do you know the other man did as well?
My husband was there, just went to bed before I did. I know that I blacked out because there is a significant chunk of time that I do not remember at all. I don't know for sure that the friend did, but he said he did.
 

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Any chance the "friend" slipped something into your drink?
 

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your "friend could have said many things, but he could have helped you out of your clothes.

Show your H your stds tests results.

And make sure you are not pregnant.

do not trust this "friend" or ever have him over again.

why would you not go to bed the same time as your H and not stay up and entertain the "friend"?

The friend may have really enjoyed being with you and is not about to let on.

good luck.

I think your H has good reason to be pissed. Stop drinking around other men.

watch your boundaries. read the book not just friends. You might have finished your marriage.
 

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If your husband wasn't there then how does he know that you blacked out? How do you know that you did? How do you know the other man did as well?
She doesn't.There was a case in my town a couple of years ago when a guy was arrested for raping a girl he met at a wedding.She claimed she blacked out and woke up in his bedroom in the hotel where the wedding was.She was seen leaving the guys bedroom by her boyfriends cousin the next morning and she asked her what was going on.(Her boyfriend didn't attend the wedding)She said she didn't remember leaving the bar the previous night and didn't know if they had had sex or not.The cousin brought her back to the guys room and knocked on the door.The guy was surprised to see her and asked had she forgotten something.When they went into the room the first thing they seen was a used condom.She asked him had they had sex and he said yes so the cousin called the cops.He got arrested but was released within a couple of hours when video evidence showed she hadn't been drinking alcohol and had texted a friend the previous night to say she was trying to hook up with a hot guy at the wedding.
This sort of crap sickens me because it stops girls who have been genuinely assaulted from coming forward.
 

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Why would her unfortunate husband need marriage counselling,all he did was trusted his wife. If she can't keep her clothes on after a few drinks then it's legal counselling he needs.
Excellent point! Change that from marriage counseling to individual counseling! Provided, of course, she'd go!

Hell, if tequila makes her clothes fall off, she probably doesn't feel that she needs counseling anyway!
 

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When you went upstairs to your husband topless, did you still have all your other clothes on? Did your husband go downstairs to check the condition of the friend? Did the friend have clothes still on? Answers to these questions would tell a lot about what might have gone on.

Maybe these are some common sense things but the very least you might want to do is to have an marital agreement that you and your husband not drink without each other and not beyond a certain limit. Also it would make sense that you not leave each other to go off to bed without the other when there are others in your home or you ate staying at someone else's house or at a group gathering.
 

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I am not lying. Why the heck would I come on here and lie? If you don't want to give advice, no need to respond. I honestly cannot remember anything without my husband being there, which he says was about 2 hours between when he went to bed and I came up. The friend told us he doesn't remember anything, I didn't pressure him on it, but I don't really have a reason not to believe him.
You can't tell if you had sex? Like lots of times women can tell.
 

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Get a semen test kit. Test you panties, any new stains on the couch etc.

Where was your top found?

Do you really want to know the truth?
She knows the truth,she is looking for advice on how to convince her husband that she didn't **** his friend.She wouldn't explain where her clothes were found and now she's gone.Her husbands friend got his revenge for being overlooked for the groomsman spot anyway.
If any of this is true that is.
 
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