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Last night my husband and I decided on a separation, unfortunately we cannot live in two different households because we just dont have the money available to do that. I have a 2 year old that is his step child, we had a baby together in July but she passed away after a week of being born and this has put our marriage of just 1 year in a tail spin. He started drinking heavily, and has kissed another woman on one occasion, we have both been verbally and physically abusive towards each other and as much as this hurts and neither of us want this we know it is for the best. I deeply still love him but I dont know how to live with him and be separated at the same time. We made a rule to not sleep in the same room, no sex or intimacy, we pay the bills separately and we agreed to not date or see anyone else until the divorce papers are signed. It is so hard to not talk to him during the day or kiss him when he comes home from work. How do I do this? We have also talked about couples counseling to possibly work through this but if we haven't made a decision by February we are just going to go ahead with the divorce. Can someone give a little bit of advice on how to handle this or maybe a personal story. Thank you.
 

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First, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. My heart goes out to you.

Do you and your husband both agree that you should divorce?

I'm asking because some of the things you are doing -- separate rooms, no sex, split finances -- clearly indicate that the two of you are done. But other things you say -- you two are considering counseling, you still love him deeply -- suggest that you (at least) are not really done. Does your husband feel this way too, or is he ready to move on? When he kissed the other woman was alcohol involved or has he been seeing another woman?
 

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I'm curious... How are you going to live after the divorce? Last time I checked, most divorces didn't generate a windfall go cash for anyone except the lawyers.

My vote... Do what you need to survive now. But considering your husband was cheating on you before you married, I wouldn't put much faith in his ability to behave now.

C
 

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We both aren't ready for divorce yet, we are trying to figure out if we want a divorce or if we want to stay together. Yes, alcohol was involved when he kissed that girl. He said he doesnt know her name and didnt get her number and immediately felt horrible about his decision so he left the bar and went home. He did that about 2 weeks ago, he never did it before we were married. And the reason we are still living together now is because I am a stay at home mom, I start my job next week and then we will start splitting finaces, but we will be living together until I can get up enough cash to move into my own place. I am the one that suggested the separation, he doesnt really seem to want this, even though he knows its probably best.
 
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