[Dr. Rockstar]

Pretty straightforward question.

I love my wife and she loves me. She enjoys pleasuring me even if she doesn't enjoy the specific act of giving blow jobs. I try to give her direction while she's going down but it doesn't improve much.

She has some serious body-image issues, and she can be very self-conscious about sex. Sometimes I'll hurt her feelings I suggest ways to improve (on the other hand, that might be because I use phrases like "I'm suggesting ways for you to improve" like a dumb-ass).

She's got a hang-up with masturbation, so I don't feel like I can show her what I'd like her to do. And she's got a hang-up with any kind of porn--from Playboy on up--so I don't feel like I can show her instructional videos.

So how do I tell her how I would prefer to give me oral and: A) not hurt her feelings; B) not break her taboos; and C) get what I want?

 

[jaquen]

Your wife is self conscious, not open to learning, and doesn't particularly like giving blow jobs.

Be grateful that she even tries; most women in that circumstances wouldn't even attempt. This is the best you're likely going to get from her, at least until (and if) she reaches a place inside herself where she opens up sexually.

My wife wasn't the best at giving head when she started; it sometimes too me over an hour to cum. But she loved having my co*ck in her mouth, so lots of practice made perfect. She was committed to the action for her own self, not just my gratification. If she was just doing it for me, and not her own enjoyment, I doubt she'd ever have improved much.

 

[kingsfan]

Unless she's a biter, I didn't know there was such a thing as a bad blowjob...

 

[MarriedTex]

Perhaps my tastes are not as refined as others, but-in my book - there is no such thing as a "bad BJ."

 

[MarriedTex]

One approach would be training through positive re-inforcement. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in awhile. When she stumbles on something you like, over-react with the reaction - telling her how good it feels, etc.

 

[Dr. Rockstar]

Unless she's a biter, I didn't know there was such a thing as a bad blowjob...

I didn't want to go into specifics, but yeah, she was a biter. Probably because she prefers me to bite her (geez this is a lot of detail).

 

[kingsfan]

Then why not say that you enjoy everything BUT the teeth. Just tell her your member isn't as tough as she is.

 

[MarriedTex]

If there's biting involved, I hereby revoke my "no bad BJ" comment!

 

[Dr. Rockstar]

My wife wasn't the best at giving head when she started; it sometimes too me over an hour to cum. But she loved having my **** in her mouth, so lots of practice made perfect. She was committed to the action for her own self, not just my gratification. If she was just doing it for me, and not her own enjoyment, I doubt she'd ever have improved much.

The problem with that is that she can't go for very long without hurting her jaw (not to be a jackass about it, but I'm fairly thick). So they're never more than a few minutes. I have told her that I would love for her to get me off someday with just her mouth and hands. She said she would try, and I believe she means that, but it also hurt her feelings to know that she wasn't pleasuring me enough.

 

[Dr. Rockstar]

Then why not say that you enjoy everything BUT the teeth. Just tell her your member isn't as tough as she is.

I have, but it's more than her being a biter. It can be kind of scratchy because she refuses to go down on me if I have any kind of lube on, even if it's flavored. She can't get the rhythm or the--for lack of a better word--"pressure" right; she pumps me like a shot gun.

Not to say that she's awful. The two major successes I've had is to get her to stop biting my **** head and lick the shaft more, which I enjoy more and she seems to be better at.

 

[Dr. Rockstar]

Your wife is self conscious, not open to learning, and doesn't particularly like giving blow jobs.

I could have probably phrased that better. It isn't that she doesn't enjoy giving them, it's that she does it more for my enjoyment than hers.

 

[jaquen]

I've been where you are, is what I'm saying.

Wife gave toothy blow jobs. I'm well endowed, so there were limitations on what she could do.

The only difference is that my wife enjoys giving blow jobs, on a purely sexual level, so she has an incentive to improve beyond just doing something for me. So she works around her limitations (i.e. no deep throating, worked through hand cramping), she improved her technique (more variety), and she committed to being better at giving the kind of pleasure that she was receiving from the act (no more teeth).

As far as the jaw thing, the only way for her to improve on that is to keep sucking through the discomfort. It's like exercise, the only way she's going to improve is to do it, and do it until her muscles get stronger. It's the kind of endurance work all of us have to put in in order to have sex beyond a few minutes.

Incidentally it would take forever for me to get off on a BJ alone. I need a BJ/HJ combination. That would indeed be a lifesaver for your wife while she adapts to strengthening those jaw muscles.

 

[Plan 9 from OS]

Just tell her she sucks...

 

[east2west]

One suggestion. Try to get her to masturbate while giving you a blowjob. I always find that the more aroused she is the better the bj, even though she always does her best in her mind.

After that I would work on it from the porn angle. How could she be good at giving blowjobs without any picture of what a good blowjob looks like? It's hard to become better at anything without watching people who do it better than you.

 

[southern wife]

Can't she use her hand and her mouth on you simultaneously? Would that help?

 

[chillymorn]

a half a$$ed bj or one you have to talk her into anit worth it!

JMHO.

 

[Dr. Rockstar]

Incidentally it would take forever for me to get off on a BJ alone. I need a BJ/HJ combination. That would indeed be a lifesaver for your wife while she adapts to strengthening those jaw muscles.

Can't she use her hand and her mouth on you simultaneously? Would that help?

I may not have communicated that. I think I did imply in my first post that I was talking about the blow job portion of a BJ/HJ combo (large fries with that). That is what I mean, but I may have not communicated that clearly.

But you made me think of something that I hadn't really considered before. She's not really against masturbation, as such. I always thought that that was what she meant. She will masturbate me, but only as a transition. She has no problem with me masturbating her as long as I'm doing something else, too. But after 10 years of marriage, I have never seriously considered the thought about asking her to bring me to climax by giving me a HJ/BJ, and focusing more on the HJ. Less stress on her jaw, but still arousing to me.

 

[Dr. Rockstar]

One suggestion. Try to get her to masturbate while giving you a blowjob. I always find that the more aroused she is the better the bj, even though she always does her best in her mind.

After that I would work on it from the porn angle. How could she be good at giving blowjobs without any picture of what a good blowjob looks like? It's hard to become better at anything without watching people who do it better than you.

Sorry, but if I could get her to do either of those, I probably wouldn't be here in the first place.

 

[Cosmos]

I didn't want to go into specifics, but yeah, she was a biter. Probably because she prefers me to bite her (geez this is a lot of detail).

Biting? The bind moggles...

 

[southern wife]

I have never seriously thought about bringing me to climax by giving me a HJ/BJ and focusing more on the HJ. Less stress on her jaw, but still arousing to me.

Well, my Rockstar friend, you have something to work towards. I just hope your wife will be onboard with the idea.