[Evinrude58]

We have been together for 10 years, married for 5. We are now based in US but come from a country where sex topics are taboos and many girls prefers to stay virgin before getting married. That’s what happened with us. My wife decided that she would be virgin till married and I respected that. We would make out but never really had sex or talk about it openly. After we got married we had to do long distance relationship for a year or so because of visa situation. So essentially we started living together for first time before 4 years. The thing is we never did the penetrative sex, I realized after the wedding that my wife doesn’t really have interest in sex. When we tried to have penetrative sex first time, she said it pains too much and it continued every time we tried. After she moved to US with me i took her to gynecologist multiple times but she would never follow any suggestions given by doctor. Our non-penetrative sex life is also non existent. I gave up putting any efforts couple of years back and now we just sleep on our corners of the bed. This is depressing and whenever i try to bring up the topic, she just changes the topic or start crying. I think I realized that either she doesn’t like me anymore or she is just not interested in sex. I don’t think i can spend all my life without sex. Is there any hope or divorce is the only option?

I have read that after 10 years of attempted talks, they usually come around to it and turn into nymphomaniacs.
Sorry OP,
There’s really not much you can do but divorce or get sex elsewhere.
If you ever do get to have sex with her, inadvise against getting her pregnant because at that point, you’re the one that’s really screwed.

 

[Evinrude58]

I have firsthand experience with this, and it sucks for both parties. Ex wife's vaginal canal was.. shallow, I guess? Not uncommon. But hitting the cervix is painful. And for me, making sure I DON'T kind of takes a bit of the excitement away.

Not only that, but she had a hyper-sensitive clit, as in painful for her when she was aroused.

AND, she had TMJ, so her jaw would lock if she opened her mouth too wide, for too long. So that took care of that part of sex...

Ironically enough, she had a pretty healthy sex drive, so there wasn't a lack of it. It was just making sure to be careful, use the right positions, and not get carried away (me, anyway)

She also never bothered to see a gyno, or even mentioned anything to her doctor, afaik.🤷‍♀️

My now-wife has none of those "issues", likes it hard and deep, has multi-orgasms from clitoral stimulation, and her jaw opens wide But she has 1/10th the sex drive my ex wife did, lol. Can't win 'em all!

Omg. Dude, you have the worst luck in history. The combination of traits your first wife had was just so bad that I laughed in pain.

But you’re possibly right, I had an encounter with a woman that had a “shallow“ one. She wouldn’t do anything but on top so she could control it all. At least warned me first. Yeah. No more dates after that. Waiting for sex until marriage can be a huge disappointment, I’d imagine. .
It’s not like I had a foot long hotdog. A very few ladies in the population are just didn’t win the vagina gene lottery, as have some men. It’s a shame.

 

[Evinrude58]

Oh, it gets better - no on top, bad hips, too. Took us a few years to figure things out. Her lying down face-first, and flat seemed to work. Then we discovered our armless chaise (google it if you don't know what it is!) was even better. Then it was 10 years of pretty much only living room, face-down sex after that, lol. I recommend an armless chaise for everyone's bedroom, however.

Given the differing experiences with my ex wife and my current in regards to sex, I'd take my current any day (for a lot of other reasons, too!). A low sex drive but the ability and willingness to do pretty much anything? Yes please. 2-3x a month of great sex is better than 5-6x a week of whatever was happening previously lol! She kept the chaise after the divorce!
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