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Discussion Starter #21
So you've both had full on physical affairs ? I gotta imagine that there is very high emotions between the two of you.

I'd take his comment for what it is and not get hot under the collar about it. He's a very fit person, clearly that's something important to him and something he holds himself to as a standard. He's just extending that standing onto you - his wife.

I know it's popular in the US to dump on anyone who says anything about a woman's weight - but in this case he isn't saying one thing for you and another thing for himself. He's just sharing his own view on how he himself views his fitness and yours.[/QUOTE

I get that. I totally do. But there is a way to do it. It's not about him not telling me about my weight. I am not AT ALL sloppy or even "fat" per say and I am my worst critic. He could've placed his words in some other fashion. When I have had things that I want to tell him that might be sensitive to him, I use tact. There is a saying.. You can be right about what you're saying but wrong for how you say it...
 

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I'm on the "FTG" bandwagon.

What does this man want you to do? Tell him how LUCKY you are that he still comes home to you? Give me a freaking break.

OK, yeah, I get that weight gain can be an issue for both men and women but like you said, there is a right way and wrong way to mention it. He knows this is bothersome to you so what he needs to do is support your efforts in helping you lose weight. Such as working out together.

"Hey honey. I know that you don't like the way you look and if you need help or advice, let me know. I love you and I don't like to see you upset over something that we can work on together".

Sadly that comment is not one you can bounce back from easily. It's going to stick with you for a long, long time.

I'm sure if you made a comment about his schlong shrinking since you met him he'd be posting here tomorrow.
 

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Discussion Starter #24
Go on the computer and find pictures of hot guys and when you here him come home, splash a bit water on your face to look like your sweating, hold your breath so your face will be rosy red and un button your pants. When he comes in give him a smile and ask how his day went. Yours went fine. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Maybe he'll know how disrespect feels. Yeah, I'm a guy but I don't care for people who think they are a cut above in their own mind.
This would be a very interesting experiment to conduct. He flips out when he THINKS I am looking at some dude on the street. Like he will pull his hand away from me and everything. And honestly, I USUALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHO THE HELL HE IS TALKING ABOUT. I wonder how that would sit with him, if I developed my own "eye candy" library. I wonder if he would not take it personally, like he's always tell me to.... Stay tuned.
 

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I usually stick up for the fellas, but in this case, I'm with the ladies.

Go tell him to F himself!

And why did you marry a guy like that anyway? Nice guys too boring for you?
LOL Spot on! I always wonder why women marry dirtbags like this and leave the "nice guys" because they are boring". Hey ladies! Boring guys come home and can be taught tricks and take out the trash! "Fun exciting" guys give you herpes!
 

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Discussion Starter #26
I'm on the "FTG" bandwagon.

What does this man want you to do? Tell him how LUCKY you are that he still comes home to you? Give me a freaking break.

OK, yeah, I get that weight gain can be an issue for both men and women but like you said, there is a right way and wrong way to mention it. He knows this is bothersome to you so what he needs to do is support your efforts in helping you lose weight. Such as working out together.

"Hey honey. I know that you don't like the way you look and if you need help or advice, let me know. I love you and I don't like to see you upset over something that we can work on together".

Sadly that comment is not one you can bounce back from easily. It's going to stick with you for a long, long time.

I'm sure if you made a comment about his schlong shrinking since you met him he'd be posting here tomorrow.
You see how you placed it above? That's EXACTLY how he could've approached it. Now listen, I get that fitness is VERY important to him. It really is. He takes exercise very seriously. But.... I HAVE TO GO HOME TO THAT? Really!?!?!. My measurements as of this AM are: 36, 29, 43. Yes, I am very hippy and I have a large apple bottom LOLOL. But nope, I am not fat. I feel like I can stand to lose a few pounds, yes. But even if I was large, you don't say that to your wife.. UGH
 

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Discussion Starter #27
LOL Spot on! I always wonder why women marry dirtbags like this and leave the "nice guys" because they are boring". Hey ladies! Boring guys come home and can be taught tricks and take out the trash! "Fun exciting" guys give you herpes!
Okay let me put this into perspective. He wasn't always like that. Had he been like that before we got married, I woudn't have got married. So no, it's not that I didn't want to marry a "boring guy".. I find that term to be ridiculous. As I said to the previous poster.. People change..
 

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He doesn't HAVE to go home to anything.

Let him have his phone pics and affairs. I mean, if it's such a chore to come home to you...like it's suuuuuch charity work.

Eff him.
 

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Discussion Starter #29
He doesn't HAVE to go home to anything.

Let him have his phone pics and affairs. I mean, if it's such a chore to come home to you...like it's suuuuuch charity work.

Eff him.
LOLOL.. thatgirl.. I don't know you but I think you're awesome :smthumbup:
 

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This would be a very interesting experiment to conduct. He flips out when he THINKS I am looking at some dude on the street. Like he will pull his hand away from me and everything. And honestly, I USUALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHO THE HELL HE IS TALKING ABOUT. I wonder how that would sit with him, if I developed my own "eye candy" library. I wonder if he would not take it personally, like he's always tell me to.... Stay tuned.
It sounds to me like he is attempting to maintain a certain power balance in the relationship, with him above you. It makes perfect sense when you think about it, he makes sure you know that you're beneath him physically and men looking at you gets in the way of his superior position because as you know it's harder to convince you that you're inferior when other men look. If you look at other men it also threatens his position of superiority because it ups the chances of you getting attention, which convince you you're not beneath him physically and he can't have that. This is a sign of deep insecurity and a controlling nature that will not get better on it's own.
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Please spare yourself from this loser and get out of this relationship. If my husband said that to me, I would tell him that nobody HAS to come home to this and if he doesnt want to, get the F out. Seriously, what a loser!
 

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Discussion Starter #32
Please spare yourself from this loser and get out of this relationship. If my husband said that to me, I would tell him that nobody HAS to come home to this and if he doesnt want to, get the F out. Seriously, what a loser!
Ugh! What's worse is that he walks around sulky. Like I'm the one who insulted him. I was at the gym yesterday with my husband. I walked away from him to work out and do my own thing. He was still in ear shot of me. The manager of the gym walks by (he didn't see me with my hubby at first) and said... No disrespect love but damn you are dangerous! Hubby heard it. I carried on like nothing happened... lol.

I try not to take things personal. But the problem with ALWAYS having to not take things personal is... your heart gets hardened since you always have to guard it.. so whatever I feel for him is just... BLAH.
 

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Discussion Starter #33
You have a figure like Beyonce??? Is he CRAZY? I mean even if he doesn't like that body type, no he can make a comment like "come home to THAT" or watever he said. Hold you head up and know you beautiful. My H LOVE my body always tells me (even though I'm 7 mos pregnant) but he would trade it in for a Beyonce figure in a New York minute! (Just the body, not me LOL!)

That's awesome that your hubby makes you feel that way :). BTW, congrats on the baby!!

I can only wish, girl...
 

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Discussion Starter #34
It sounds to me like he is attempting to maintain a certain power balance in the relationship, with him above you. It makes perfect sense when you think about it, he makes sure you know that you're beneath him physically and men looking at you gets in the way of his superior position because as you know it's harder to convince you that you're inferior when other men look. If you look at other men it also threatens his position of superiority because it ups the chances of you getting attention, which convince you you're not beneath him physically and he can't have that. This is a sign of deep insecurity and a controlling nature that will not get better on it's own.
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I have no idea but there is a very controlling part of him, although he hates to admit it. Luckily though, I am not THAT down and out about myself. He can't make me feel like I'm that bad when I look in the mirror and see something different.. and so does everyone else. It's unfortunate that the one person I want to notice me, feels as if he has to DEAL with me...
 

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Discussion Starter #35
How much weight have you gained since you became engaged?
Honestly, does it matter how much weight I've gained? I am NOT at all fat, or sloppy or anything like that. I have put on about 15 lbs. He's changed physically as well. I never make him feel badly about it. In fact, I've told him time and time again that I like him more NOW then I did when we first got together. I like watching him mature. Now there are things about him physically that I wouldn't mind him changing. But at the end of the day, I love him. And I wouldn't want him to feel like this.
 
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