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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello friends.
I found this site through my search on google for a marriage forum.

I'm married but not happily married. I was introduced to a lady in 2005 by my Pastor as a suitable partner. When I visited her church, and saw her for the first time, my spirit was against any relationship with her. I never proposed to her and never saw her again until 2006 when our part crossed on my way home from the office. In 2007, she came to meet my Pastor and told him that while she was praying, she received a revelation that I'm her husband. I prayed after that but never received any direction from God. However, my pastor and some other church leaders advised me to marry her because they believed she is devouted, prayerful, sings very well, good looking and a good complement to me as a Minister of the Gospel.

After we started the relationship, I began to notice un-christianially character and attitudes in her. I told my Pastor and others about it but they kept telling me she will change after wedding and when she begins to have children. However, after wedding I further discovered that she is just religious but without christian character. She abuses, curses, quarrels at little things, keeps malice and unfriendly.

Brethren, I'm really fed up with the relationship. I need help.

Thanks.
 

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I think everyone is unchristian at times. Is she cruel and mean? Is she all ways upset and critical of others?

I think you need to go to counseling and discover why you allowed others to override your better judgement.

A good husband makes his own decisions and is not pressured to do things he knows are not right for him, no matter who delivers the message.
 

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Hello friends.
I found this site through my search on google for a marriage forum.

I'm married but not happily married. I was introduced to a lady in 2005 by my Pastor as a suitable partner. When I visited her church, and saw her for the first time, my spirit was against any relationship with her. I never proposed to her and never saw her again until 2006 when our part crossed on my way home from the office. In 2007, she came to meet my Pastor and told him that while she was praying, she received a revelation that I'm her husband. I prayed after that but never received any direction from God. However, my pastor and some other church leaders advised me to marry her because they believed she is devouted, prayerful, sings very well, good looking and a good complement to me as a Minister of the Gospel.

After we started the relationship, I began to notice un-christianially character and attitudes in her. I told my Pastor and others about it but they kept telling me she will change after wedding and when she begins to have children. However, after wedding I further discovered that she is just religious but without christian character. She abuses, curses, quarrels at little things, keeps malice and unfriendly.

Brethren, I'm really fed up with the relationship. I need help.

Thanks.
Well, I guess you will know better the next time anyone starts talking about "messages from God". I start looking for the exit when I hear that. You also know that your pastor's spiritual discernment is for the birds - I would consider changing churches.

If you don't mind me asking, what church is this?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks Syrum for your reply.

To her almost everybody around is evil. She easily picks quarrel with neighbours and is critical of others. She is ungrateful. When you give her a gift or buy anything for her, she will reluntantly say thank you but few days or weeks after that she will pick a quarrel and say I have not done anything for her or give her anything before. She does this repeatedly.

The worse is that she hate been corrected when she does anything wrong. She will rather transfer the blame on me or the person she picks quarrel with.
 

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However, my pastor and some other church leaders advised me to marry her because they believed she is devouted, prayerful, sings very well, good looking and a good complement to me as a Minister of the Gospel
So you married her because someone told you to, not because you wanted to, or because you actually love and value her, and you're surprised that she's not super friendly towards you??

You may think she's 'unchristian' but the truth is YOU sound heartless. You married a women you dont love and then expected her to fall in line. Give me a break...Look at the beam in your own eye first before trying to get the speck out of her's.
 

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"How do I keep living with a boring wife?"

You make a choice. You either stay and try to fix it, stay and not try to fix it and continue on how its been, or you get out of the situation.

Don't forget you have a hand in all of this too. You married her based on what others said to you, not because you truly loved her or wanted to.
 

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In 2007, she came to meet my Pastor and told him that while she was praying, she received a revelation that I'm her husband.
:rofl:

Well perhaps it was a revelation that you would be her FIRST husband, as a learning experience for both of you. Anyways being a Christian is a narrow path to walk, and it's every Christian's duty to resist becoming a religious pharisee.

Overall I think your God did good, good lessons here; never look to men for God. In your heart you knew it wasn't right.
 

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Well, I guess you will know better the next time anyone starts talking about "messages from God". I start looking for the exit when I hear that.
I feel the same way. I think to myself under my breath "looney tune, looney tune, looney tune!" - and that is generally what they prove to be if you hang around them long enough & see none of their prophecys seem to come to pass.

It sounds like your wife is definitely "religious"- not a true follower of Christ and his ways, but very judgemental & has possibly some other personality hangups -being overly critical, 2 faced -that for her, she hides behind her faith, feeling Jesus forgives her. Having such a label generally means very little.

Sounds like you never had any real passion for her to begin with but was led astray by mere religious MEN. I have heard others stories like yours, one man married when he was not physically attracted to his girlfriend -he KNEW IT - but all his christian brothers kept telling him "this is not important" - we are not supposed to LUST...this man has struggled mercilessly to DESIRE his wife his entire marraige of over 20 yrs now, he wont divorce her but he has had SEVERE depression, and he is in a near sexless marraige. So much to listening to our Brothers in the Lord.

Best to divorce -who wants to be tied with someone who doesn't love , desire and value you.

Although I missed something here....HOW is your wife BORING ??
Didn't get that part. Reading your replies , she is more of a judgemntal stuffy irritant coupled with some human weakness's like the majority of us have - if we feel FREE to express ourselves .


I must admit I am very very curous WHAT you are correcting your wife about - as many christians , even UNintentionally so, come off as Holier than Thou -so much that the other person may not feel allowed to BE HUMAN -without correction. This will only cause defences, Rebellion or a shrieking away. IF you are guilty of this --I can see why she may be acting --or in this case REACTING in a distasteful way towards YOU.

I used to be the "so called christian" in my house, I was the MORE judgemental of the 2 of us , my husband never cared for religion, seen it only as a Power Trip, a way to control the masses. HE ALWAYS had more of those "Fruits of the spirit" than Me. Kinda speaks volumes that it was "just religion" that had me bound.

Many many fall into that trap. I know you feel she has, but any chance you have a little of that going on too? :confused:
 

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I feel the same way. I think to myself under my breath "looney tune, looney tune, looney tune!" - and that is generally what they prove to be if you hang around them long enough & see none of their prophecys seem to come to pass.....I used to be the "so called christian" in my house, I was the MORE judgemental of the 2 of us , my husband never cared for religion, seen it only as a Power Trip, a way to control the masses. HE ALWAYS had more of those "Fruits of the spirit" than Me. Kinda speaks volumes that it was "just religion" that had me bound.

Many many fall into that trap. I know you feel she has, but any chance you have a little of that going on too? :confused:
Sounds like you are still a bit on the judgmental side, especially when it comes to Christians and the church.

No, I don't think "loony tune" when someone tells me they are getting messages from God, because I have no way of knowing. It's when people tell me that God gave them a message that involves me that I get wary.

Unless I miss my guess I think our friend here is from one of those neo-Protestant denominations that teaches that they are all "ministers of the Gospel" and that any thought that enters their head must be a word from the Lord, whether it's a new revelation from the scriptures or a message to the congregation.

The fact that he married her in spite of his own better judgment on the advice of his "pastor" tells me that his notion of authority is misplaced. He's probably a Jehovah's Witness or a Mormon.

Here's my advice to him: you can't cop out on this one. You need to love the wife of your youth, as the Bible says. Go to counseling with her, with a real marriage counselor, not those pinheads in your church, listening to them got you into this mess in the first place.

And I would consider changing denominations.

Everybody has problems. Love is manifested in your response to them. I have often said that love is a commitment, not a feeling, because feelings are notoriously unreliable. After all, the Christian's relationship to God is a commitment as well. Remember what the church is - the Bride of Christ - and in order to represent the church you need to mirror the Church's relationship to Christ in your own marriage. I have many Indian friends in arranged marriages who are very happy and in love with their spouses because of their level of commitment to them. It can be done.

Go in peace.
 

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Sounds like you are still a bit on the judgmental side, especially when it comes to Christians and the church.

No, I don't think "loony tune" when someone tells me they are getting messages from God, because I have no way of knowing. It's when people tell me that God gave them a message that involves me that I get wary.
If you have sat and witnessed some of the stuff I have- in some Bible Studies -things spoken, attitudes exposed, you MIGHT accually understand why I say the things I do. We all speak out of our experiences, it has become a part of us.

I have personally witnessed Christians blaming demons for mental illness, too many blame any form of hardship on not paying your tithes (even when you are a single Mom struggling to put food on the table, a preachers wife telling her it would be better to sell her house -and her house is a very poor house- in comparison to the comfort & Beauty of the Preachers wife with a husband taking care of her), blaming sickness on not having enough faith (many start blaming themselves when they do not get healed- a good friend falling for this and going into diabetic shock when he felt he was healed), blaming sin on natural disasters (Like Jerry Falwell)-that the poor people in those countries brought it upon themselves, the list goes on.

I do judge Fundamenalists (you are correct) they are impossible to talk too & reason with. They throw common sense completely out the window and beat you up with scripture proving their God is on their side in their judgements.

I have witnessed people in my church hurt BADLY by the way others have used Scripture over them. Beleive it or not, I was treated pretty good, but I tend to take it all in what I see around me. One mother in my church even feels if you have a C-section, you missed God's call for a natural birth that was meant for you- some of these have posted links on FB with such topics. One mom I know shared with me how this lady made her feel because she was not able to deliver naturally, it was bad enough her child almost died, then she felt judged by her words cause she likely didn't have "enough faith" to deliver naturally, missed God's original plan.

I am just a spectator - and it is all pretty fasinating how mankind , strapped with a little religion -how they carelessly use it on others.

Give me the churches who want to feed the poor, visit the hospitals, sit by their bedsides, the prisons, help the lonely. Not making a big show of winning 10 souls over the week, pushing the Prosperity gospel , worshipping purity to such an degree that Toy Story 3 is forbidden to your teen becaues of the Barbie & Ken scene (I was told a mother in my church feels this way - my mouth should have hung open but accually I was not surprised to hear this) , feels all kids need to be Home schooled, cause heaven forbid they may hear something secular , and think Benny Hinn is an honorable man.

I think I see more love in the world.

This is pretty much the atmosphere I was a part of for a time and I took ALOT of judgement upon myself for NOT agreeing with them, even feeling my Reason was a scorge for a time-that God was not happy with me, so yeah, I will admit I am a bit screwed up and tend to be biased against christians at times. I am free from this now but I feel I wasted many years of my life taking it all " a bit too serious".

Seen too many get hurt by it.
 

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Your title to this thread states you have a boring wife. It doesnt seem from what you have written that she is boring. She sounds like an interesting person for you to understand and enlighten.
 

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So you married her because someone told you to, not because you wanted to, or because you actually love and value her, and you're surprised that she's not super friendly towards you??

You may think she's 'unchristian' but the truth is YOU sound heartless. You married a women you dont love and then expected her to fall in line. Give me a break...Look at the beam in your own eye first before trying to get the speck out of her's.
The ABOVE! DITTO!

Thanks Syrum for your reply.

To her almost everybody around is evil. She easily picks quarrel with neighbours and is critical of others. She is ungrateful. When you give her a gift or buy anything for her, she will reluntantly say thank you but few days or weeks after that she will pick a quarrel and say I have not done anything for her or give her anything before. She does this repeatedly.

The worse is that she hate been corrected when she does anything wrong. She will rather transfer the blame on me or the person she picks quarrel with.

Let me get this straight, it's your job to correct a grown woman? And what exactly does your correction consist of?


OP, instead of handing your life over to God, you've handed your decision making ability and common sense over to MEN and the trappings of RELIGION and allowed them to tell you what choices to make and how to live instead of actually having a real relationship with God in your heart. Now you've got yourself into a marriage that you aren't happy with and what galls me is that you are blaming her when the blame is on yourself because you married a woman that you didn't love nor respect because some MEN and RELIGION told you to, not because God did.
 

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@SimplyAmorous

I understand how you feel, but I use different terms for these "Christians" who hurt others. I call them churchies, the missus used to call them pharisees - and even Jesus stood against them.

Now sure, I'm a "pagan", but I still like the principles that the missus taught me years ago (before she became psycho), and she helped me understand Christianity on a spiritual side, and not a religious one.
 

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If you have sat and witnessed some of the stuff I have- in some Bible Studies -things spoken, attitudes exposed, you MIGHT accually understand why I say the things I do.
What makes you think I haven't? I have seen all this and worse - so bad I can't even recount it.

I have personally witnessed Christians blaming demons for mental illness, too many blame any form of hardship on not paying your tithes (even when you are a single Mom struggling to put food on the table, a preachers wife telling her it would be better to sell her house -and her house is a very poor house- in comparison to the comfort & Beauty of the Preachers wife with a husband taking care of her), blaming sickness on not having enough faith (many start blaming themselves when they do not get healed- a good friend falling for this and going into diabetic shock when he felt he was healed), blaming sin on natural disasters (Like Jerry Falwell)-that the poor people in those countries brought it upon themselves, the list goes on.
That is not the Christianity I know. That is the 19th century neo-Protestantism I have spoken of, which is about as far away from the original reformers as you can get. The problem is that this is the only thing most non-believers know.

I do judge Fundamenalists (you are correct) they are impossible to talk too & reason with. They throw common sense completely out the window and beat you up with scripture proving their God is on their side in their judgements.
That is just a label people use. I consider myself "fundamentalist" - that is, orthodox. Reason with me.

I have witnessed people in my church hurt BADLY by the way others have used Scripture over them. Beleive it or not, I was treated pretty good, but I tend to take it all in what I see around me. One mother in my church even feels if you have a C-section, you missed God's call for a natural birth that was meant for you- some of these have posted links on FB with such topics. One mom I know shared with me how this lady made her feel because she was not able to deliver naturally, it was bad enough her child almost died, then she felt judged by her words cause she likely didn't have "enough faith" to deliver naturally, missed God's original plan.
I, too, am one of those people who has been hurt by people like that. The difference between us is that I didn't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

I am just a spectator - and it is all pretty fasinating how mankind , strapped with a little religion -how they carelessly use it on others.
I say that some people's so-called "spirituality" is just another religion in a different wrapper to make themselves feel superior. There is nothing wrong with religion, it's just like anything else. Some people use it for good, others misuse it for their own purposes. Anybody who judges a belief system by it's misuse is a bigot.

Give me the churches who want to feed the poor, visit the hospitals, sit by their bedsides, the prisons, help the lonely.
They exist, I know of several. Prison ministry and hospital ministry has always been our focus.

Not making a big show of winning 10 souls over the week, pushing the Prosperity gospel , worshipping purity to such an degree that Toy Story 3 is forbidden to your teen becaues of the Barbie & Ken scene (I was told a mother in my church feels this way - my mouth should have hung open but accually I was not surprised to hear this) , feels all kids need to be Home schooled, cause heaven forbid they may hear something secular , and think Benny Hinn is an honorable man.
I don't like this any more than you do. So?

This is pretty much the atmosphere I was a part of for a time and I took ALOT of judgement upon myself for NOT agreeing with them, even feeling my Reason was a scorge for a time-that God was not happy with me, so yeah, I will admit I am a bit screwed up and tend to be biased against christians at times. I am free from this now but I feel I wasted many years of my life taking it all " a bit too serious".

Seen too many get hurt by it.
Seek and you shall find. In my case it was in the last place I looked.
 

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Some people use it for good, others misuse it for their own purposes. Anybody who judges a belief system by it's misuse is a bigot.
At the same time it's actually very unfair to judge individuals for their use or misuse with a belief system, as it does tend to have a 'shepherd/sheep' structure to them. Shall we judge the sheep for merely following?

There are belief systems out there that need to be addressed and held accountable for the damages and frauds they have performed. One such instance is the missus' church, the biggest church in Sydney, which is very popular and on the surface they look very anointed, beneath the surface however, hides a rather dark side to it.
 

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At the same time it's actually very unfair to judge individuals for their use or misuse with a belief system, as it does tend to have a 'shepherd/sheep' structure to them.
That is not what I said. What I said was "anybody who judges a belief system by it's misuse is a bigot". It's just like anybody who judges a group by the actions of an individual, or anybody who judges a race by the individual. It's about time people started owning their bigotry, wouldn't you agree?

Shall we judge the sheep for merely following?
Who is judging the sheep?

There are belief systems out there that need to be addressed and held accountable for the damages and frauds they have performed.
By who? To me it's always interesting that it's the non-believers who want to tell Christians how to live, as if they would know. Yet the same people are always accusing Christianity of trying to tell them how to live.

One such instance is the missus' church, the biggest church in Sydney, which is very popular and on the surface they look very anointed, beneath the surface however, hides a rather dark side to it.[/
In America people get to face their accusers in court. If you know of anything illegal going on, make your charge. Otherwise, it's just slander.
 
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