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Any affair will destroy your self esteem! Mine is in a shambles now, add the fact that I am getting older and now I don't know how to get it back! This is very long, and I don't even know where to put this post.

A little back ground, my husbands EA with a single mother he worked with was about 9 months long, 7 months of it continued while I was aware of it. He was gaslighting me the entire time. Telling me I was crazy, they were just friends. Well, during this time I lost about 30 pounds from the stress. It was not the right way to do it. Basically not eating and taking up smoking again after having quit for 6 years. I am not obease to begin with, but I have begun to carry about 10-20 pounds over what I like to have on me. I worked out, I stayed relatively fit, but at 44 the pounds do not leave if I don't diligently watch my diet. I loved the weight loss, I enjoyed that part of the EA, it made me feel better because I was competing for my husbands attention with a 35 year old that had lost a significant amount of weight during the time she was friends with my husband.

However, the constant turmoil and stress were the real cause of my weight loss. I stopped working out during this time, I was terrified of being away from the house when he was there. He had complained that I was never home, I was always working out (I have belonged to a ladies only fitness club for about 8 years) or gone walking the dogs, and he was left home alone and that was one of the reasons he had started doing things with OW. SO I have made it a point to be home when he is home. We work different shifts, me a Monday through Friday day shift, him a 6 am to 6 pm 2 on off, 2 on with every other weekend off.

After the EA officially ended, I have begun to pick up the wieght again. It is devastating! I am working out again, and I feel better when I do. I work out around his shift, only after work when he is at work. I am home by the time he gets home. I have asked him to walk the dogs with me, its a no go. I dont even do that anymore, and I miss it. I have a choice on the days he is off, be away from home and him and work out, or stay home with him and not work out. I have a sedentry job, sitting on my a** most of the day. I get up and out at lunch. I have thought about working out in the morning before all are up, but I just cant seem to do it.

I know 2 things. My self esteem is pretty much shot, I feel awful for picking up this weight. And I cannot be heavy, especialy now!

My husband does not seem to mind, and I think I am still attractive to him and he is proud of having a 44 year old wife that looks good. He tells me I am goregous or that he loves my fat a** almost everyday (I am 5'3 and a classic hourglass). I think he likes me to have a few extra pounds on me. But I don't! I look at myself naked and think gross, I am starting to experience the sagging skin, dropping of everything, cellulite in those problem areas.

He is naturally thin, never has to work out, has stayed thin forever. He eats whatever he wants. We go out and do alot of fun things together now, food that is not good for me is available. He does not really like it when I get gung ho on my diet and exercise, I probably tend to get obsessed.

I have been to IC to get over his EA, he would never have gone. We worked on getting me over the affair, then the insurance ran out. I probably need more for the self esteem.

I still think about the OW, she was 35 and put pics of herself on her facebook, not private, of her in a bikini and see through dress. I hate comparing myself to her, but I do and can't seem to stop.

I dont know what to do! What is wrong with me? I am getting over the EA, I feel much better than I did a year ago. But what the heck do I do now to get beyond my shattered self esteem? Why can't I stop beating myself up over the state of my ageing body? How do I feel comfortable in my own skin after this mess? I am outwardly confident, dress well, I like the 44 year old me, on the inside that is. Sometimes I feel pretty confident and happy with me. I feel condident that I look good for my age, no one believes I am in my 40's. But I know the truth. I am no 35. I am not 120 pounds.
 

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wow, your story is soooo familiar! listen, if he doesnt want to compromise with you on things that he has a problem with, (wont walk the dogs w/you but complains about you being gone to walk them) then dont compromise with him. this behavior of his is controlling. girl, whatever you do, dont stop a healthy & harmless routine that makes you feel good! forget about it, you enjoy healthy activities and get into working out at our favorite gym again. we cant let them control us. if he wanted to see you that bad he would be more accommodating & agree to actually walk the dogs w/you. your health and joy should not have to suffer.
 

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I totally get that self esteem being low part. I also lost a lot of weight bc I couldn't eat or sleep. I felt like I was going crazy and being a pathetic human being.
Not that it will work for you but I had to force myself to do things on my own, go out with friends, take walks, etc. I had to stop worrying about him and her And fix me.
Still not totally successful at that, but feeling better.
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