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Discussion Starter #1
Here's my problem, I have a 4 year old that I cannot get to sleep in his own room. The other problem is that I dont think my wife wants him to get out of our bed. A couple of weeks ago I had him sleeping most of the night in his room and it seems like she's ruined all of my work. I think she might be afraid that if he sleeps in his bed, she'll have to thwart my sexual advances every night. He's getting too big though, now he kicks the crap out of me every night. How do I convince my wife and son that we need our space and he needs to sleep by himself.
 

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First, I'd ask her why it's important to her to have him sleep in your bed. Once you fully understand her viewpoint, then you could try compromising with your wife to let him sleep in your bed only on weekends as a special treat each week.

I don't know what will persuade her if she is afraid that you'll sexually approach her - that's a different topic. You could maybe ask her for her thoughts on the matter and see if you can work with them for now. If she gives you a different answer about why it's important to her, you'll have something else to work with.
 

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Oh crap. You've got big problems.....bigger than you know I think. Sounds like she see herself as a mom and not as a wife. This kind of thing doesn't get better on its own, and only leads to resentment over time.

Getting the kid to sleep alone is easy. Look, he'll sleep eventually. This is a biological fact. The trick is convincing your woman that it's at least as important (my opinion is that it is more so) to be a wife as it is to be a mother. Her actions are saying she thinks otherwise.
 

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Oh crap. You've got big problems.....bigger than you know I think. Sounds like she see herself as a mom and not as a wife. This kind of thing doesn't get better on its own, and only leads to resentment over time.

Getting the kid to sleep alone is easy. Look, he'll sleep eventually. This is a biological fact. The trick is convincing your woman that it's at least as important (my opinion is that it is more so) to be a wife as it is to be a mother. Her actions are saying she thinks otherwise.
I agree with you, especially about the wife vs. mother part. But confronting this directly could prove disastrous for his marriage. I definitely don't encourage an ultimatum-type approach!
 

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I agree that an ultimatum is not the way to go. I'm not sure what is the right way to approach it. It's not going to be easy to convince her that it's a serious problem if she thinks she can treat you however she wants with no consequences.
 

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I agree that an ultimatum is not the way to go. I'm not sure what is the right way to approach it. It's not going to be easy to convince her that it's a serious problem if she thinks she can treat you however she wants with no consequences.
It was alot worse a couple of weeks ago, our alone time was non existant. I've been trying to step up and take more off of her plate. Its been alot better, she even organized a date night that worked great. I think that you've both given sound advice. We've been opening up to each other alot more lately so I can bring it up without fear of reprocussion.
 

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You have to teach her what a marriage is, what a family is, what a husband is, what a wife is, and how good children are a product of good marriages.
 

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It was alot worse a couple of weeks ago, our alone time was non existant. I've been trying to step up and take more off of her plate. Its been alot better, she even organized a date night that worked great. I think that you've both given sound advice. We've been opening up to each other alot more lately so I can bring it up without fear of reprocussion.
This response makes me nervous. I think it's good to be, as a man, taking care of business. Helping where you can and getting stuff done that only you can do... and not appearing lazy. Just be careful that you don't start falling into the butler/maid category. Women are not attracted to their servants. If you're at home and she's working on something (dinner, cleaning, whatever) then the thing you should be doing is also working on something. You should not be sitting on the couch if she is working. But to take on her tasks so that she can sit on the couch is a mistake in my mind. It's a prescription for her seeing you as a less attractive mate. Even if she says that what she wants. You should see, over the the sex forum, how many guys come on here and talk about how they do all the cooking and cleaning as their wife requested but they still get no sex. IT'S A TRAP!!!!
 

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You have another thread going to about how you and your wife only have sex after you both have been drinking..sounds like you got a lot of other issues as well, not just your 4yr old in the bed.

I would say seek therapy for all issues involved.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Helping where you can and getting stuff done that only you can do... and not appearing lazy. Just be careful that you don't start falling into the butler/maid category. Women are not attracted to their servants

This is what I figured out a couple of weeks ago. Up until then I did, I sat my ass on the couch until dinner was done or she starting *****ing about the gutters or the lawn or the whatever. In my mind I justified it because I work 60+ hours a week and provide a better life for my wife than she's ever had. I realized that thats ****ty. Thats not being a "partner" so I've been working hard to shake that bad habit. The payoff is starting to show, she's more affectionate, she doesn't shrug me off when I touch her and she initiates longer goodbye or goodnight kisses. I checked out the other posts that you were talking about, endless threads about being a slave with no reciprocation, I'll do my damndest to not fall into that trap
 

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I definitely hear you on the 60+ hour weeks. SAHM's don't really see it that way. They think that you're off on a grand adventure every day while they're slaving at home with the kids. My wife actually told me that my 60+ hour a week job was easier than hers because hers is 24 hours a day. She said "I don't get any breaks but you do when you come home". Funny thing is, whenever I would randomly show up at home during the day she would be watching soaps while the kids slept. I had a pretty strong suspicion that she just held all the work until I was on my way home so that it would look like she had too much to do haha.
 

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You have another thread going to about how you and your wife only have sex after you both have been drinking..sounds like you got a lot of other issues as well, not just your 4yr old in the bed. .
I do not disagree, there are always other issues. But to be fair, that ties in perfectly with what I'm trying to get resolved on this thread. The only time that we have sex is when we go out, thats the only time when its just us in our house. We let the kids stay the night with grandma so we can go out and enjoy each others company. Every other night its me, her and our son in our bed. We have had several nights that we've gone out and had way too much to drink and went home and had sex, we've also had the nights that we've checked into a hotel room before we had anything to drink and went straight to the room for some lovin. I honestly think that never being alone with each other is whats killing our mojo.
 

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Have you asked her WHY she wont let the 4 yr old sleep in their own bed? In your other thread you stated you had a 12 yr old and 4 yr old that were adopted. When were they adopted? Is it possible the child doesn't feel safe yet? Does your wife feel safe?

You also stated in your other thread about only having sex when drinking? Do you both drink every night? Is it bad? You also state maybe if the child is in your bed it will make her feel she can thwart your sexual advances every night. Well, maybe so.
 

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I agree with you, especially about the wife vs. mother part. But confronting this directly could prove disastrous for his marriage. I definitely don't encourage an ultimatum-type approach!
Why do you say that. Frankly that's what finally worked for me. Our bedroom had practically become the family room, the kids spent so much time in our bed to watch TV with their mom. I finally said this our marital bed. This is where we sleep and have sex. It's not the place where you mother. And I imposed a rule that they weren't allowed in our bed, at all, period. And they weren't allowed to come "hang out" in our room. No kids in mom & dad's room unless they have a reason to be there.
 

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You have another thread going to about how you and your wife only have sex after you both have been drinking..sounds like you got a lot of other issues as well, not just your 4yr old in the bed.

I would say seek therapy for all issues involved.
:iagree:

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Discussion Starter #17
The 12 year old is the only one that we adopted, the 4 year old is ours, we made him. No, we don't drink but once every couple of months, my point is that when we go out we have the house to ourselves when we get home. It definately does not mean that the only way I can get my wife into bed is by getting her hammered and taking advantage of her. The more I read and the more I respond, the more I realize that this is the same issue that I posted the other thread about. the only time we get alone time is when the kids stay at grandmas. But since the last time we went out we have been alot more affectionate towards one another.
 

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I was dumb enough to put all of our kids in bed with us for a time... and my husband LET me do it !! He was much too nice about this... I was even getting my fill of Physical Touch.. just being so snuggly our babies!

My husband took a back seat...he should have never allowed this to happen. I needed TOLD how he felt ...so we could have upped our intimacy .....

When I wanted it ....I put them on the floor... so many times we had silent sex while our toddlers crashed out on the floor below us...in the dark... The wife is NOT getting it.... it is not healthy, if I could only relive those years over again...oh how I would have done things differently. I can see having a bassinet close to the bed -up to a year old, but after this... the kids need to be in their own rooms, own beds. Huge hinderance to our sex life.

Drover said: Our bedroom had practically become the family room, the kids spent so much time in our bed to watch TV with their mom. I finally said this our marital bed. This is where we sleep and have sex. It's not the place where you mother. And I imposed a rule that they weren't allowed in our bed, at all, period. And they weren't allowed to come "hang out" in our room. No kids in mom & dad's room unless they have a reason to be there.
I'm all for this !! :smthumbup:

Now we shut & lock our door - Freedom & enjoyment awaits :D Before it was Grand central station. :(
 

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I was dumb enough to put all of our kids in bed with us for a time... and my husband LET me do it !! He was much too nice about this... I was even getting my fill of Physical Touch.. just being so snuggly our babies!

My husband took a back seat...he should have never allowed this to happen. I needed TOLD how he felt ...so we could have upped our intimacy .....

When I wanted it ....I put them on the floor... so many times we had silent sex while our toddlers crashed out on the floor below us...in the dark... The wife is NOT getting it.... it is not healthy, if I could only relive those years over again...oh how I would have done things differently. I can see having a bassinet close to the bed -up to a year old, but after this... the kids need to be in their own rooms, own beds. Huge hinderance to our sex life.

I'm all for this !! :smthumbup:

Now we shut & lock our door - Freedom & enjoyment awaits :D Before it was Grand central station. :(
Look at the bright side SA....if he would have put his foot down you'd probably have 10 kids instead of 6!!!
 
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