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My wife and I have been together almost 30 years and a month ago she told me that she didn't want to be married anymore (it was the old "I still love you but I'm not in love with you and it's not you, it's me). She said that we had grown apart and that she couldn't see spending the rest of her life with me.
A week later she admitted to having an affair that had been ongoing for six months (he lived in another city but they both traveled on business and would meet up in different cities to spend nights together). I happened to see her phone one day and found a 40 message text thread. They claimed to love each other and were definitely sexually involved. He found out that I found out who he was when I Googled him and read his profile on LinkedIn (at which time he ended the relationship with my wife because he didn't want his wife to find out). My wife was pissed at me because I looked at her phone and that he ended their affair so abruptly. She also said that the affair had nothing to do with why she wanted to end our marriage (I think perhaps it emboldened her to want to move on and enjoy life as a single woman).
We went for couples' counseling and in our second session, my wife also admitted to a one night stand several years ago (but claimed that it didn't mean anything as it was only a one night stand). When the therapist asked if she had any other intimate relationships with other guys, my wife said that she had lots of opportunities, but only did it with these two guys.
We just separated a week ago and are trying to figure things out (my wife has said that she's not sure if moving on is the right thing and that she may be making the biggest mistake of her life). I hate her for what she's done to me (and to our family) and that she could be so uncaring for our relationship as to sleep with two other guys (one of whom she was sleeping with for six months and claimed to love).
The problem is that I still love her more than life itself and think that I may be able to get past what she's done because we have almost 30 years invested in our relationship. I think I can forgive her but know that I will never forget what she did.
HOW CAN I EVER TRUST HER AGAIN. My wife has always been a very selfish person. It's always been about her, and what she wants. Even if we get past all of this and reconcile, how do I ever trust her again. If she's working late in the city, traveling on business, or has a dinner meeting - how do I know that she hasn't slipped into another affair or is screwing some random guy? I am the jealous type and this is driving me crazy. She now tells me that she is sorry that she told me the truth about her affair and her one night stand (apparently lying came easy to her).
No matter how good things are with her in the future, I will always have that nagging doubt in my mind. She tells me that she had the affair because she was filling a void. She's a narcissist and needs constant adoration by others (she has told me so many times over the years how many guys have hit on her because she is so beautiful and successful). I worry that no matter what I do to make her happy, that some guy will smile at her, tell her wonderful things, and they will end up in bed together. I think it will drive me crazy for the rest of my life.
Should I move on? Is it possible to ever trust her again? The logical side of me says end the relationship and find someone who will be much more of a giver (my wife has always been a taker). The romantic side of me says I've loved her for 30 years and even though I know it's crazy, I can't stop.
I need advice as I'm really on the fence.
A week later she admitted to having an affair that had been ongoing for six months (he lived in another city but they both traveled on business and would meet up in different cities to spend nights together). I happened to see her phone one day and found a 40 message text thread. They claimed to love each other and were definitely sexually involved. He found out that I found out who he was when I Googled him and read his profile on LinkedIn (at which time he ended the relationship with my wife because he didn't want his wife to find out). My wife was pissed at me because I looked at her phone and that he ended their affair so abruptly. She also said that the affair had nothing to do with why she wanted to end our marriage (I think perhaps it emboldened her to want to move on and enjoy life as a single woman).
We went for couples' counseling and in our second session, my wife also admitted to a one night stand several years ago (but claimed that it didn't mean anything as it was only a one night stand). When the therapist asked if she had any other intimate relationships with other guys, my wife said that she had lots of opportunities, but only did it with these two guys.
We just separated a week ago and are trying to figure things out (my wife has said that she's not sure if moving on is the right thing and that she may be making the biggest mistake of her life). I hate her for what she's done to me (and to our family) and that she could be so uncaring for our relationship as to sleep with two other guys (one of whom she was sleeping with for six months and claimed to love).
The problem is that I still love her more than life itself and think that I may be able to get past what she's done because we have almost 30 years invested in our relationship. I think I can forgive her but know that I will never forget what she did.
HOW CAN I EVER TRUST HER AGAIN. My wife has always been a very selfish person. It's always been about her, and what she wants. Even if we get past all of this and reconcile, how do I ever trust her again. If she's working late in the city, traveling on business, or has a dinner meeting - how do I know that she hasn't slipped into another affair or is screwing some random guy? I am the jealous type and this is driving me crazy. She now tells me that she is sorry that she told me the truth about her affair and her one night stand (apparently lying came easy to her).
No matter how good things are with her in the future, I will always have that nagging doubt in my mind. She tells me that she had the affair because she was filling a void. She's a narcissist and needs constant adoration by others (she has told me so many times over the years how many guys have hit on her because she is so beautiful and successful). I worry that no matter what I do to make her happy, that some guy will smile at her, tell her wonderful things, and they will end up in bed together. I think it will drive me crazy for the rest of my life.
Should I move on? Is it possible to ever trust her again? The logical side of me says end the relationship and find someone who will be much more of a giver (my wife has always been a taker). The romantic side of me says I've loved her for 30 years and even though I know it's crazy, I can't stop.
I need advice as I'm really on the fence.