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Discussion Starter #1
Scenario 1: Somebody from my family or my wife's family calls my wife and leaves a voice message, asking her to call back. She won't.

Scenario 2: We meet somebody and my wife apparently makes a friendly connection. They exchange phone numbers, and the other person subsequently calls my wife. My wife won't pick up, or even bother to call back. The other person then wonders what's going on and calls me up, asking me to ask my wife to give said person a call. I let me wife know; she still doesn't call.

As you can see communication isn't really my wife's strong point. She has almost never called up my parents, let alone my extended family, even when someone has died, got married, given birth, etc. At best I have to call and then hand her the phone- somewhat forcing or coaxing her into communicating.

Btw, her family is a lot like that too - they're quite aloof, but my wife is just extreme in that regard. I have complained and discussed and begged her over and over again, but she's still like that. She points out that she doesn't like "clinging on to people" or talking on the phone, and that I shouldn't force her to change. Plus, she argues, if somebody really needs to talk to her they'll reach her somehow. On the other hand, if she needs to call up somebody she will (she's constantly calling her colleagues).

The problem is, her anti-communicative ways often give rise to misunderstandings and social awkwardness. She seems to be okay with all that, but people end up calling me and I have to make up excuses and lies. I hate that.

How do I address this? Help!
 

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Maybe you can show her how her behavior is causing problems. She may not be able to see that it is causing problems, so you may need to demonstrate it to her in ways that she can recognize or understand. If she doesn't see that it's a problem, why would she change her ways?
 

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@desert-rose I have complained enough, she simply doesn't want to acknowledge it as a problem. What would you recommend I do to make her understand?
 

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Some people genuinely do not like to talk on telephones-myself included. I hardly ever call my family, and I get very apprehensive when having to make calls to any business/organization. Look up telephonophobia.

Don't feel that you have to make excuses or lies for her, just tell people that she doesn't like to talk on phones.
 

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Stop covering her ass in these situations.

Once she`s forced to deal with it she`ll deal with it.

As long as you cover for her she has no motivation.
 

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Maybe you can show her how her behavior is causing problems. She may not be able to see that it is causing problems, so you may need to demonstrate it to her in ways that she can recognize or understand. If she doesn't see that it's a problem, why would she change her ways?
:iagree:


Wow! Had a serious case of deja-vu reading your post! Only difference was that it was STBXH that acted this way. And sadly, I became his enabler in the very things you described. Nearly everytime his mom called, he wouldn't answer it then inevitably she'd call me and when I answered she'd always ask why HE didn't answer. Several times that she didn't get me, she'd call each of the kids, say this for her she was extremely persistent.

I began advising that he was the only one that could answer the question. After nearly 25 years of this, along with reminders to call family on bdays, holidays, etc I do not miss doing this. I grew upalways knowing how special a simple phone call can be. Now I see how much my own mother's face just beams when one of her grandkids calls her and I make it a point to remind my kids to call BOTH g'mas as often as possible. Amazing how a good 5 minute call can set the tone for the rest of the day, even beyond.
 

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Leave her alone. Or get her a phone she can text on.

Let her communicate via email instead.

She doesn't want to talk, she wont. Isn't she pissed with you after you hand her the phone & "force" her to confront your mother on the phone?? You must like pissing off your wife.

j
 

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Discussion Starter #8
@F-102 I'm pretty sure she doesn't have telephonophobia. As I said she's constantly talking on the phone with her colleagues. Once in a while her best friend or favorite cousin will call up and she will be on the phone for (literally) hours. And I can't tell people that she doesn't like talking on the phone - tried that, people get offended, and besides my wife doesn't want to get portrayed in that light anyway.

@tacoma How do I accomplish this?

@cherokee96red What's more, these days I notice I'm become socially aloof as well - it's almost like I'm subconsciously defending my wife, knowing that she won't live up to social protocol, and I can only do so much.

@Chelle D If you're not even sympathetic about my situation, it's best you shut up.
 

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I'm not sympathetic, because I'm exactly the same way. I HATE talking on the phone. (probably childhood issues I don't really want to confront)..

But, If I can avoid phone I will. i hate it when my husband calls my parents, then hands ME the phone.

j
 

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Discussion Starter #10
@Chelle D, I don't really "force" her per se, I ask her once in a while and if she refuses I make up an excuse on her behalf and leave her alone. As for email or text or facebook - she has all those things, but she still won't respond to people.

You may or may not be like my wife, but that doesn't mean you can assert stuff like I "must enjoy pissing off [my wife]". Have a heart, sister.

As for the other possible issues, here's more on our marriage: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/40791-my-wife-asexual.html
 

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Sorry, it just touched a raw spot.
I reacted instead of leaving the thread & letting myself calm down first.

I'm probably not like your wife. I'm just anti-social.
j
Going to your link & reading now.
 

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@Chelle D I'm not really going to push her to address her phone situation using counseling. This is the first and only time she seems committed to the whole counseling business, and bringing this up would likely jeopardize things. So, one thing at a time for now.

Yes, it'd be incredibly hard for me to leave her. As strange as it may sound, despite all the things I've gone through I still can't imagine my life without her. I don't think she'd really wake up if I left her either. But I'm prepared to take that step if she doesn't change.
 
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