[Caro]

Some of you know me from other posts. My husband is under a lot of stress right now, I think from work. Problem is he brings it all home and it comes out in negative ways at me.

Tonight I made him a nice dinner and we ate at table instead of in front of the TV (I thought some communication would help us bond a little). It went really well actually! He opened up about how he feels frustrated at work, and I listened and empathized. I was feeling really good actually! Dinner ended, we had desert and read a little from a book to each other (something we used to do and are starting up again). It was really amazing!

Then he got up and started doing dishes. Towards the end of the dishes he said "Oh #@$ it broke," so I asked "what broke?" curiously. The next thing I knew he had hurtled the broken object across the room - it hid the wall above my head and to the right and fell to the bench a foot away from me. "That!" he snapped as he hurled it. (It was a little plastic thing from our food processor).

I picked it up and sat there stunned. I don't think he was aiming at me, specifically, but the action seemed so inappropriate nevertheless. He finished with the dishes. All was silent. After he was done he asked "Do you want to watch the news?" I answered, truthfully, "I don't know." I don't remember if he said anything, but I said after a bit "I'm worried about you." He laughed - not exactly in a happy way... I don't know how to describe it, nor do I really know what it means... He sat down and silence fell again. I said "I love you," and he said something like "You love me AND..." as if he was waiting or challenging me for some criticism. I said "Really, I'm worried about you." He laughed again... again, I don't understand it and can't describe it, but it's not a light or happy laugh. It's ... maybe derisive, or bitter, or sarcastic... I'm not sure.

I got up, gathered my things, and went to bed, which is where I'm writing this now.

I so don't understand what's happening. Nor do I understand how I should respond. But these kinds of things keep happening, where everything seems good, then BAM! anger.

Does anyone understand what's going on with him? Can anyone advise how I should respond?

Caro

 

[Gaia]

You need to tell him you love him but you will not tolerate such disrespectful behavior. If he seems to get more aggressive or out of control... My advice is to remove yourself by going for a walk. Take your time.... If he is even more aggressive when you return... Go for another walk. Show him through action that your not his punching bag per say and you are not a doormat.

Perhaps you should suggest he and you go see a doctor to see why he may be feeling so angry and unstable. Let him know you have his back and will help him but he has to take the steps to improve himself. Perhaps IC for him as well and possibly MC for you both.
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[Eilonwy]

I agree with Gaia. It's important to remove yourself from the "target zone" when he gets like that. You could try confronting him about the anger, maybe open up line of communication. Perhaps talking may help him relieve stress? It does send up a huge red flag to me that he can get so angry so quickly. I would say...try to talk to him about it, but be very careful. Make sure you're safe. He could hurt you without meaning to.