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Before I found TAM, I was ill-equipped to handle a lot of the things my WW was saying around D-Day. I was in shock. So much in shock that I lost my center of center of thinking and gravitated towards her center of thinking to try and understand her.

The repeated artillery of crazy statements will weaken you. Trust me. I think it's important to have good responses to these types of statements in case they say them to you soon.


"We have different ideas about commitment."

"Am I expected to be with the same person my whole life if I don't love him?"

"Everyone deserves to be happy."

"This happens to lots of people."

"You could have cheated on me."

"We had an unhappy marriage."

Other posters..
What response would you give?
What examples do you have?
 

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Of course the "I love you but I am not in love with you" line (when I discovered the EA, which was actually a PA).

"We had drifted apart."

"I matured into a confident woman" (from an email explaining why we drifted apart and where she retracted her confession of the PA, one day after I contacted the POSOM).

"We were doomed from the start" (this after 25 years of marriage).

One of my personal favourites: "When I came out of the washroom and saw you in bed, I almost threw up" (my wife, one week before separation coming out of the bathroom in our master bedroom). (Note: I had slept in the basement for a few days, but finally decided that it was BS for me to sleep on a couch so moved back into our bedroom). Her way of informing me, once again, that she was no longer attracted to me. Another one: "Even the way you blow your nose annoys me". And how about this one: "A women's vagina doesn't lie" (further explaining her lack of sexual attraction just before separation). Anyway - I suggested she go sleep on the floor in her office, which she did.

Oh, and for the golfers out there (my wife became an avid and very accomplished golfer because I introduced her to the game after getting married and it was a passion we shared together) - after the last round we played together (about 2 weeks before separation) my wife said "Playing with you is like CUSTOMER golf". (BTW, I beat her that round). Maybe if I had let her win, we would still be together....:D
 

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"I didn't feel like I was taking anything away from you"

"I was confused, I felt like I loved two people"

"I want to be with both of you"

"He reminds me of you" (My response was "That's something you say when a person is dead or unavailable!")

And my personal favorite:

"I really think the two of you (the OM and I) could have been friends"
 

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"I was just playing around" after I read 2 years of her bashing me

"I still love you, I'm marrying you aren't I"

"Its not that big a deal"

Fast forward some years after I dumped her cheating thieving ass

" I never stopped loving you"

"The only time I was ever happy was when I was with you"(thats why she had an LTA on me of course)

"We were soulmates we still are" (To which I curtly laughed)

My basic reponses to most everything though?

 

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Before I found TAM, I was ill-equipped to handle a lot of the things my WW was saying around D-Day. I was in shock. So much in shock that I lost my center of center of thinking and gravitated towards her center of thinking to try and understand her.

The repeated artillery of crazy statements will weaken you. Trust me. I think it's important to have good responses to these types of statements in case they say them to you soon.


"We have different ideas about commitment."

"Am I expected to be with the same person my whole life if I don't love him?"

"Everyone deserves to be happy."

"This happens to lots of people."

"You could have cheated on me."

"We had an unhappy marriage."
This is just standard WW B.S. justifying in her warped mind her affair. They all do it.
 

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After discovery of an 8 year OW - "She was just a friend, nothing happened (my all time favorite); you didn't give me any attention; you put everyone else before me; she answered the phone when I called; she was smart, funny, caring and kind; she was celebate". Also referring to him and I as "you and me" while referring to him and her as "we".
 

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Before I found TAM, I was ill-equipped to handle a lot of the things my WW was saying around D-Day. I was in shock. So much in shock that I lost my center of center of thinking and gravitated towards her center of thinking to try and understand her.

The repeated artillery of crazy statements will weaken you. Trust me. I think it's important to have good responses to these types of statements in case they say them to you soon.


"We have different ideas about commitment."

"Am I expected to be with the same person my whole life if I don't love him?"

"Everyone deserves to be happy."

"This happens to lots of people."

"You could have cheated on me."

"We had an unhappy marriage."

Other posters..
What response would you give?
What examples do you have?
Not every cheating spouse resorts to this type of gaslighting.

I did not. I dropped the OW immediately.

I never blamed my wife.

If straying spouse is blaming you, it is not a good sign and can really hurt reconciliations.
 

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"I didn't feel like I was taking anything away from you"

"I was confused, I felt like I loved two people"

"I want to be with both of you"

"He reminds me of you" (My response was "That's something you say when a person is dead or unavailable!")

And my personal favorite:

"I really think the two of you (the OM and I) could have been friends"
You gotta be f***ing kidding me!
 

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"To be with one p*ssy for the rest of my life is like a death sentence." (Probably the only truthful thing he has said since I found out about the As)

"It's never been my intention to leave you or the children, and I told these women that."

"Get with the times, men and women veiw marriage differently."
 

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MY ALL TIME FAV

Me: "youve known her since Feb, its now JUNE. Why have you NEVER mentioned her if she's 'nothing'?"

Him: "i knew you'd be jealous of her"

Me: "really, why would I be jealous of her?"

Him: "because she is young, thin and powerful...."

FML, right? Guess by default the indication is he saw me as "old, fat and weak...."

REALLY?!?!?!?!?!
 

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After discovery of an 8 year OW - "She was just a friend, nothing happened (my all time favorite); you didn't give me any attention; you put everyone else before me; she answered the phone when I called; she was smart, funny, caring and kind; she was celebate". Also referring to him and I as "you and me" while referring to him and her as "we".
OH that Godforsaken "we" !!!!!!! Hate, hate hate IT!
 

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I think when my ex handed me my papers it was the ONLY time in our more than twenty years together that she tried to be honest with me. She pretty much let me know that I was just another convenience item in her life and she had squeezed all she wanted from me and was done.
Didn't have much time to reflect since she also had a trumped up abuse charge against me and I was soon on my way to jail.
She didn't try to repair things until after she had fallen on hard times and by then I cared no more about her than I would about a worm which had been squished on a sidewalk.
 

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Well...let's see. Here are just a few.

"I'm not happy"
"I don't know what I want anymore"
"We don't have anything in common" - Just 17 years and 3 kids.
"POSOM and I only kissed once" - It was a 2 year EA/PA.
"We never went anywhere or did anything" - We were always going somewhere and doing something.
"You are a hateful person" - Really? I have never hated anyone in my life...until now.
"I want to have fun" - So do I.
"I wanted more adventure" - You call screwing your POSOM in a car in the back of a parking lot adventure?
"I was bored" - Then work more then 18 hours a week and help out around the house!
"I don't want a divorce but I'm not going to kiss your ass!" - Nice!
"We had this amazing connection" - Whatever...soul-mates right?
 

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Before I found TAM, I was ill-equipped to handle a lot of the things my WW was saying around D-Day. I was in shock. So much in shock that I lost my center of center of thinking and gravitated towards her center of thinking to try and understand her.

The repeated artillery of crazy statements will weaken you. Trust me. I think it's important to have good responses to these types of statements in case they say them to you soon.


"We have different ideas about commitment." You're correct. I believed in our marital vows. You...not so much...

"Am I expected to be with the same person my whole life if I don't love him?" No. But if you wanted someone else then why did you stay married to me when you dated your new man? You could have divorced me first...

"Everyone deserves to be happy." Evidently in your eyes some deserve it more than others...

"This happens to lots of people." I didn't realize that I married a lemming...

"You could have cheated on me." True, but I chose not to. I respect myself a little more than that...

"We had an unhappy marriage." So why didn't you let me in on the secret then?

Other posters..
What response would you give?
What examples do you have?
Edit to add that this is what would come to mind in these situations. I have no personal experiences to share.
 

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"I don't hate her" when I'd bring up how she was a tool that almost destroyed our marriage. And same with him re hers.

"I miss the friendship"

"She was always so positive and upbeat in the office"

"Everybody in the office loves her"

"She understands the pressures I'm under at work"

"She's just that type of person, a flirt. She flirts with everyone."

"She texts all the time. She texts everyone"

"She's always going out to lunch with different people. It's not out of the ordinary for her." (All men)

"She's a lightweight" when it comes to booze, all she ever talked about. Poser. If I were still drinking I'd put her under the table.
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"I don't hate her" when I'd bring up how she was a tool that almost destroyed our marriage. And same with him re hers.

"I miss the friendship"

"She was always so positive and upbeat in the office"

"Everybody in the office loves her"

"She understands the pressures I'm under at work""She's just that type of person, a flirt. She flirts with everyone."

"She texts all the time. She texts everyone"

"She's always going out to lunch with different people. It's not out of the ordinary for her." (All men)

"She's a lightweight" when it comes to booze, all she ever talked about. Poser. If I were still drinking I'd put her under the table.
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I heard these two...
 

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The fact that so many WS have the "same" soul mate experience and use the same descriptions only confirms that the affair isn't special after all and is as common as diamonds. Both have artificially inflated "value".


"I didn't go looking for it, it just happened"

"I'm confused, I think I'm in love" after two weeks--

"We were not connecting anymore" _ yeah cause you would never get off the ipad long enough to notice the people around you--wife, kids etc.

How bout I just post some of his NC letter.....Kids, let this be a perfect example of what _not to say_ in your NC letter.....

"The time we had together was great, I wish it could continue, I wish we could do all the things we talked about. Everything I said to you was true, I do love you and you will always have a place in my heart.....Writing this was good for me, I'm feeling sad, it's still making me sad, yet all I want to do is make you feel better and I know I can't, this is my goodbye. There's so much more I'd like to say, but I'll just regress into wishes and dreams and I'd prefer to remember what we had without clouding the memory with something that can never be.

PS. I expect to see you excel and hope that one day I'll see your name in the news (although I expect it'll be a different last name and I won't recognize it), don't disappoint me!
PPS. I kept adding to this every time I thought I was done. This was hard to do and I don't want it to end

< ------and this was all sent to me as well as proof of "NC"----- Oh Joy
 

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The fact that so many WS have the "same" soul mate experience and use the same descriptions only confirms that the affair isn't special after all and is as common as diamonds. Both have artificially inflated "value".


"I didn't go looking for it, it just happened"

"I'm confused, I think I'm in love" after two weeks--

"We were not connecting anymore" _ yeah cause you would never get off the ipad long enough to notice the people around you--wife, kids etc.

How bout I just post some of his NC letter.....Kids, let this be a perfect example of what _not to say_ in you NC letter.....

"The time we had together was great, I wish it could continue, I wish we could do all the things we talked about. Everything I said to you was true, I do love you and you will always have a place in my heart.....Writing this was good for me, I'm feeling sad, it's still making me sad, yet all I want to do is make you feel better and I know I can't, this is my goodbye. There's so much more I'd like to say, but I'll just regress into wishes and dreams and I'd prefer to remember what we had without clouding the memory with something that can never be.

PS. I expect to see you excel and hope that one day I'll see your name in the news (although I expect it'll be a different last name and I won't recognize it), don't disappoint me!
PPS. I kept adding to this every time I thought I was done. This was hard to do and I don't want it to end

< ------and this was all sent to me as well as proof of "NC"----- Oh Joy
You gotta be kidding me! Wow. That gets the foggy foggy foggy prize.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
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