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I found a video of her and the OM having full blown sex. She didn't know that the POSOM had filmed it and uploaded a copy to her photobucket account. When she returned home, I was still in a state of shock and disbelief. Her jaw dropped when she saw me watching the video, immediately began sobbing uncontrollably, and rushed to the bathroom to puke her brains out. :(
Feck me, you must have PTSD. Sorry dude.
 
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Martin, I've really enjoyed reading your thread and am happy that you and your wife seem to be on the way to reconciliation. At times, you've frustrated me with your actions -- to the point where I no longer respond to YOUR thread. But I do appreciate you.

I realize that you think that because of your past affairs your wife deserves a pass on hers. And this may be the case. Having said all that, I just have to ask: WHY IN GOD'S NAME DID YOU TELL HER ABOUT THIS SITE? Now she has your playbook and all the counter moves that we gave you. :slap::wtf:

Good luck.
Well, she caught me with a keylogger, had a PI and a GPS tracker on me -- ten years ago. There's not much this site can teach her. She is a battle-hardened veteran. I thought this site might help her deal with her own feelings regarding my messing around.

I know she had a struggle in this, but I got her back. I can even see in the analysis of their phone and text traffic that her calls to him begin to taper off, while he keeps calling her to plead at length.

I disagree. No such thing as an involuntary response to the advances from an old boyfriend. It was all voluntary. Unbeknowst to me, my own WW made contact with her old BF on November 29, by Christmas she was deep in the fog. I never cheated on her or was separated from her at the time, and things seemed to be going well. I hold her completely accountable for what she did. She could have easily shot him down, but she didn't, and neither did yours. There's never a valid excuse to cheat, NEVER.
Of course it was "voluntary," but there are higher levels of conscious volition and lower levels of reptilian response or primate programming. Or as Freud said, superego, ego and id.

My view of human nature tends towards the sociobiological or Evolutionary Biology point of view. That is, a lot of human behavior is explained by watching a group of chimps.

It's "voluntary" that we eat spinach, steak, fish, or goat. But if I make you hungry enough, you will "voluntarily" eat horse dung or human flesh.

She was in a spot where her chimp or lizard brain was operating.
 

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No, but it definitely shows just how quickly an emotional affair can become so very deep, in your case 15 days from the point she reconnect with her old BF to when she tells you she wants a divorce. Only 15 fracking days, and then only 25 days until she took it to PA.

I know for a fact that if my own WW had the opportunity, she would have taken it to a PA with no problem at all. They only thing is they lacked the opportunity, but she was working on solving it. If I had not followed my gut feelings, I wouldn't have known a thing until she was getting on the plane to leave.
My husband and I fell in love in 3 weeks back in the day. I knew it was infatuation at the time--it was like I was "walking on air, walking on feathers, on pillows on air." (Don't worry, we dated for 5 years before marrying.) But the point is infatuation is lightning fast; we were strangers when we started dating.

Also, both of us were in a great place (internally) when we met, no baggage or issues, and it still only took a short time to fall head over heels. But if you add the fact that many WSs are in a vulnerable state, isolated and down--well--. We can discuss whether this is a self-created situation (due to inadequately communicating their needs to their spouse, mental illness) or not (because the marriage really is in a bad place) but regardless, the formula goes bang.
 

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Feck me, you must have PTSD. Sorry dude.
PTSD and being on this site do not mix well. I know that soon after DDay I would not have had the psychological fortitude to come to this site. Two years of therapy made it possible for me to attain it.

Today watching the video would still sting, but it would not have the same emotional impact on me that it had on DDay. I've learned a lot since then, especially about her tragic rape, and her broken psyche, how it lead her to almost doing herself in, and seeing her from a distance while she was briefly institutionalized. A brief wave of sadness would probably be my only emotional response.
 

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Discussion Starter · #165 ·
Aspies learn socialization through mimicry. It does not come naturally to them. Probably why she was so dead set on having her affair. "Mom did it so I must also." Her dad never did anything, she mistook his inaction as not caring about his wife's infidelities, so she thought you would not do anything either.
Her father was/is very odd. He spent way too many years as a Royal Marine and spent a lot of time away on special operations, so his wife played around. (That was her excuse). To be honest, having met him I an surprised he didn't kill his wife.
 

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especially about her tragic rape, and her broken psyche, how it lead her to almost doing herself in, and seeing her from a distance while she was briefly institutionalized. A brief wave of sadness would probably be my only emotional response.
To be compasionate under those circumstances makes you a much better man than me. Her loss.
 
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After about a month of clues from behavioral changes I bugged her Android phone to forward me her GPS and text message data. At first I only was able to get incoming text messages but in conjunction with the gps it was enough to confirm something was UP. At that point I confronted her but did not tell her what info I had. I just pushed and pushed until she admitted everything which took about 24 hours of ever changing lies. SF was on or about 11/22 and we have been in intense MC. Things are much better but we both are committed to trying to make the life a had originally planned on. Its very painful for the both of us because after wringing the truth from her I spilled my beans one day later.
 

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Discussion Starter · #168 ·
After about a month of clues from behavioral changes I bugged her Android phone to forward me her GPS and text message data. At first I only was able to get incoming text messages but in conjunction with the gps it was enough to confirm something was UP. At that point I confronted her but did not tell her what info I had. I just pushed and pushed until she admitted everything which took about 24 hours of ever changing lies. SF was on or about 11/22 and we have been in intense MC. Things are much better but we both are committed to trying to make the life a had originally planned on. Its very painful for the both of us because after wringing the truth from her I spilled my beans one day later.
I wish you both well in your recovery efforts. :)
 

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Aspergers is a bizarre disorder. Aspies can be very friendly and kindhearted, and then turn around and do the most insensitive acts you can imagine, all because they lack empathy to a certain extent.
So if MattMatt went out and had sex with another woman,mhis wife would be cool with it? Especially if he told her before?
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Discussion Starter · #170 ·
So if MattMatt went out and had sex with another woman,mhis wife would be cool with it? Especially if he told her before?
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She has since told me that, in principle, she would not mind. I have not taken this idea up as I do not want to have an affair and my life is complicated enough as it is, to be honest!

And I am pretty certain there have not been any other affairs since that one time.
 

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I nearly did and had even considered suicide - briefly thank God Almighty - but then a friend from long ago came to my rescue and told me the story of his ex-wife's betrayal. I knew that I was not alone in my pain and grief. He told me that I would heal in time but to seek therapy immediately and gave me the name and phone number of his therapist, a professional with experience in treating victims of infidelity and PTSD. I can never repay my friend for his help in my time of need. Maybe my time here is my way to "pay it forward".
Please tell me/us, you Divorced the B I T C H! I mean, how could anyone want to live with a trigger like that?!:mad: OMG! She'd have to go! Who could stand to live with and look at someone who did what they did, only to find out the way you did? Besides, how could she be with you still after what she's done?
 

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Please tell me/us, you Divorced the B I T C H! I mean, how could anyone want to live with a trigger like that?!:mad: OMG! She'd have to go! Who could stand to live with and look at someone who did what they did, only to find out the way you did? Besides, how could she be with you still after what she's done?
I believe that he did.
 

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but then a friend from long ago came He told me that I would heal in time but to seek therapy immediately and gave me the name and phone number of his therapist, a professional with experience in treating victims of infidelity and PTSD. I can never repay my friend for his help in my time of need. Maybe my time here is my way to "pay it forward".
Where can you find a therapist with experience in PTSD from infidelity?
 

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I had that "gut feeling" that something was up between my exH and his wistress but for months he told me it was me, I was jealous, I had trust issues, etc.

Then one day I got a letter from a very, VERY expensive hotel we had done some computer work for but which "we" had never been able to afford to go to. The letter had an intimate item in it, and said "When you were here the other night, you left this in the room." Needless to say, I had not been there, so I went to the hotel, asked if I could see the registry and saw "Mr. and Mrs. <our last name>" on such and such date. Then I went to the computer room and looked through the security video for that date (hey being the PC person has certain benefits) and got a copy of him and her going INTO the hotel at night, signing in, and coming OUT OF the hotel the next morning with smooches and whatnot.

I went to our office, showed him the video, and slapped him across the face so hard that his glasses broke. He asked me "How did you do that?" I said..."Do what?" He said "Doctor that video to make it look like I cheated on you." :rolleyes: Then he called the police on me for physically assaulting him.

I would have reconciled with him too if he had even once admitted what he had done and made an attempt to work on his own issues. He refused to address any of them, so I refused to reconcile ... and the rest is history.

**********

For my own infidelity, I was discovered when my Dear Hubby got the OM's email address and emailed him a letter that effectively said, "I am her husband and I do not intend to let this marriage go without resistance. She's my wife and I intend to honor my vow" and frankly that scared the OM away.

God...it's so humiliating to even remember how I acted--plus I KNEW BETTER!! BUT it just goes to show that infidelity is insidious and can happen to anyone if the mix is right. I did it and thank God Dear Hubby had the balls to stand up or I may not be here in my right mind today!
 

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She is not cold and uncaring. That's the screwed up part of this.

She has three degrees (all firsts) an MA and two -or three doctorates.

Yet she lacks common sense.

She is a 'logical' person and her thought processes are sometimes somewhat off.

I was once reading an article in a magazine about a woman who was diagnosed as being autistic, but only when she was an adult.

I read her list of symptoms and it was like a check-list for my wife. When I realised why my wife sometimes acts like she does -she does not understand irony, for example and will say things that make me think HUH????- there were some tears in my eyes.

Good Lord. That's something else I have never shared before.
Asperger's?
 

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I've been throug it in two marriages.
First one , my wife was gone a t night a lot, lying about her whereabouts. But, I beleived her. Her sister turned her in.
Second, I recognized the signs a lt sooner(this was 13 years later and I had internet help).'Anyway, once I had some evidence, I took it to a friend who is a PI and he busted her right away.
FWIW, PIs are a very good investment, IMO.
 
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