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I found out because my wife told me that she was going to be unfaithful.

She had actually set the scene when we had got together some years before, having told me that if a particular former lover came back to our town, she would have trouble resisting him.

So, yes, eventually he did come back to our town and she decided to have an affair with him.

I was upset, but held it together until the affair ended.

Afterwards she apologised to me and said: "I cannot believe how I must have hurt you. I thought I was just being honest about it, but it must have hurt you very badly."

Yes, it hurt like hell.

We are still together over 15 years later but even now I sometimes think about how gutted I felt. A while later I had a brief EA that nearly went PA, but I realised the danger and went NC, there.

My wife began berating me and then said: "Is this because of my affair? Was this your revenge?"

I thought about my reply:"Yes, I think it probably is because of your affair. But no, it was not an act of revenge."

This is the first time I have told anyone about this. I am so glad I found this website.
 

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Wow! Your wife is so cold and uncaring. I don't see how your marriage has lasted so long.
She is not cold and uncaring. That's the screwed up part of this.

She has three degrees (all firsts) an MA and two -or three doctorates.

Yet she lacks common sense.

She is a 'logical' person and her thought processes are sometimes somewhat off.

I was once reading an article in a magazine about a woman who was diagnosed as being autistic, but only when she was an adult.

I read her list of symptoms and it was like a check-list for my wife. When I realised why my wife sometimes acts like she does -she does not understand irony, for example and will say things that make me think HUH????- there were some tears in my eyes.

Good Lord. That's something else I have never shared before.
 

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What if this guy approached her now, would she do it again? Are you fearful of that.
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No. Not anymore.

About ten years ago, he tried several times, but she told him no, multiple times. The last time I gathered there was a certain amount of knee joint and testicular action. :lol:
 

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Went to find his mother's email address in Outlook account when he was deployed and asked me to please email her. Found a message to his long-term married girlfriend instead. Completely contradicted what I had asked him about his correspondence with her. Next time Honey, you might want to email your mom yourself :) When I asked him about the email he said, oh I thought I deleted those, you weren't supposed to see them. My ex, he is so brilliant. Like sparing my feelings by saying he meant to delete emails to his Sweetie is going to somehow make it all better. It wasn't the cheating and lying that was wrong to him, it was that he ought to have covered it up better. Soooo twisted.
 

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She is not cold and uncaring. That's the screwed up part of this.

She has three degrees (all firsts) an MA and two -or three doctorates.

Yet she lacks common sense.

She is a 'logical' person and her thought processes are sometimes somewhat off.

I was once reading an article in a magazine about a woman who was diagnosed as being autistic, but only when she was an adult.

I read her list of symptoms and it was like a check-list for my wife. When I realised why my wife sometimes acts like she does -she does not understand irony, for example and will say things that make me think HUH????- there were some tears in my eyes.

Good Lord. That's something else I have never shared before.
If you say so. I actually find all cheaters to be cold and uncaring.

I actually discovered my husband was having extramarital affairs because he became so cold, distant, and uncaring towards me. I finally had proof of his activities when he asked to borrow my truck one evening. The next day I found an empty condom box under the driver's seat. Pretty incriminating.
 

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Wow. She told you when you got together that if her former lover ever returned she would probably be unfaithful?.....This would have been a deal breaker for most men. If the roles were reversed and you told her this I bet this would have been a deal breaker for her as well.
 

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My husband found out about my first EA because our youngest son had opened my emails on my cell phone then handed the phone to him. My second EA, I hid better, but he suspected anyway. I told him, myself, four months after it had ended.

At that time, I learned that he had an EA starting up. It was only a month, maybe 6 weeks into it. our youngest, once again, was the catalyst to discovery. He brought me daddy's cell phone because he wanted to play WoW and needed the authenticator to log on. After logging on, I looked thru texts because I was curious. I guess you could say "gut feeling" but I didn't really think anything was amiss, til I saw there were only 7 texts in his conversation with her... and I knew they had been texting WAY more than that. I opened it up and saw the first text said (her) "wow where did that come from" ... (him) "I'd say from my lips but I was texting, so my fingers"... a bit further down, he called her beautiful, twice. I felt sick to my stomach. Nearly threw up. I understand, on one hand... but on the other hand, it hurts.

But we are on the road to recovery from this... and things have gotten better. Still some problems, of course, but we are getting thru it.
 

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Wow. She told you when you got together that if her former lover ever returned she would probably be unfaithful?.....This would have been a deal breaker for most men. If the roles were reversed and you told her this I bet this would have been a deal breaker for her as well.
Yes, but people who can think that way are so special, aren't they?:rolleyes:
 

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My husband found out about my first EA because our youngest son had opened my emails on my cell phone then handed the phone to him. My second EA, I hid better, but he suspected anyway. I told him, myself, four months after it had ended.

At that time, I learned that he had an EA starting up. It was only a month, maybe 6 weeks into it. our youngest, once again, was the catalyst to discovery. He brought me daddy's cell phone because he wanted to play WoW and needed the authenticator to log on. After logging on, I looked thru texts because I was curious. I guess you could say "gut feeling" but I didn't really think anything was amiss, til I saw there were only 7 texts in his conversation with her... and I knew they had been texting WAY more than that. I opened it up and saw the first text said (her) "wow where did that come from" ... (him) "I'd say from my lips but I was texting, so my fingers"... a bit further down, he called her beautiful, twice. I felt sick to my stomach. Nearly threw up. I understand, on one hand... but on the other hand, it hurts.

But we are on the road to recovery from this... and things have gotten better. Still some problems, of course, but we are getting thru it.
I wish you well. Life's so damn odd sometimes, isn't it?
 

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Wow. She told you when you got together that if her former lover ever returned she would probably be unfaithful?.....This would have been a deal breaker for most men. If the roles were reversed and you told her this I bet this would have been a deal breaker for her as well.
Yeah if my partner told me this I would break up with him or I wouldn't get in a relationship with him in the first place.
Unless someone is indifferent to their ex then they are not ready for another serious relationship.
 
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That's quiet funny which one !

the latest one was actually quite funny

she had lead me to believe the guy she ended up falling with was gay but inadvertently made a comment

"I cant see that happening because his wife might not let him do it"

"His wife?? what wife?"

long silence "......er yes, ............... his wife"

"Oh right, I thought he was gay"

........er no that was a joke I made"


......Oh okay .............right then


(divorce on the way)
 

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Discussion Starter #17
That's one of the cruelest thing you can ever do to someone Matt. I think you might have co-dependency issues. :(
Not co-dependency issues. But the story behind our marriage is such that if I posted it here it is so rare that my wife and I would be outed to some people. Also, it is so odd that if I read it on line, I'd dismiss it as a very clumsy trolling.

Let's just say that I made a promise to someone to look after my wife before we got married and I value that promise very much.
 

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I found a video of her and the OM having full blown sex. She didn't know that the POSOM had filmed it and uploaded a copy to her photobucket account. When she returned home, I was still in a state of shock and disbelief. Her jaw dropped when she saw me watching the video, immediately began sobbing uncontrollably, and rushed to the bathroom to puke her brains out. :(
 

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Matt, Have you consider she may have Asperger?
Yes. Actually, very much yes to that.

She is very single minded. She earned a two year diploma course in well under 6 months. It was less, but the course tutors would not put her final papers in in anything less than six months.

I was so proud of her, when the training college decided to use her papers as an example of best practice as she was the first person to score 100 percent in the coursework.
 

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I found a video of her and the OM having full blown sex. She didn't know that the POSOM had filmed it and uploaded a copy to her photobucket account. When she returned home, I was still in a state of shock and disbelief. Her jaw dropped when she saw me watching the video, immediately began sobbing uncontrollably, and rushed to the bathroom to puke her brains out. :(
Oh my God. :(

Did you have an idea beforehand of the affair?

How could that POS be so horribly evil?
 
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