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I have been married for eight years and have two beautiful children. It seems my marriage have been through every horrible thing possible. We (my husband and I) had so much love for each other. Overnight all of that seemed to change. We have treated each other so awful, said so many things, done so many things to each other. I use to be a bundle of emotions from sadness, anger, regretful, etc., but now all I feel is this awful numbness. I feel like I can not function at work, with my kids. I feel withdrawn in social settings...I feel like I dont fit in. I recently took my kids to an amusement park and had an artist draw our portrait. When I took a look at the finished product I felt like crying...I looked so sad and tired. I practically pleaded with the artist to redraw my features so I would look less sad. Now, I see what everyone else sees when they look at me. Now I know why everyone ask me constantly "what's wrong, what's wrong." Oh, I cant tell you how much I hate that question.
Please, please can anyone tell me does this numbness every go away. Will I every stop making stupid choices. Can you believe I thought I could leave my husband but still have him come over to my home and be with the kids anytime he liked (I just loathe women who dicatated when the kids father can see their own children) Do you know how that ended up. With the man I use to LOVE peeing on my bed because he was angry. How did I get here, will this madness ever ever end.
 

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It sounds to me like you are very much depressed. Have you tried seeking help with a counselor? That is what I would recommend as a first step. Your relationship with your husband seems unhealthy and a counselor will be able to help you sort out your feelings towards him, and help you recover from depression.
Good luck!
 

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you poor thng... you need help.. do you not have close family you can talk to?

Counselling will help you sort out your feelings, you can't go on like this.

As for your husband, I don't know why you separated but his behaviour does not sound like that of a reasonable man.

I understand what you are saying about not preventing the kids from seeing their daddy, but you must make it more structured. Set times to come see them. Arrange to have a friend or relative in the home with you when he is due to arrive, to give you support, and to prevent situations like the one you describe.

Have him take them out for a treat rather than stay in the house. Above all, start standing up for yourself.
 
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