Counseling sessions should be private. Completely private.
We had both couples counseling and individual counseling.
What she discussed at IC is not/was not my business. It was meant for her to turn things over in her head. Same with me.
That doesn't mean you can't volunteer to share discussions at IC but it shouldn't be requested - IMO.
As for friends. I'd hate to offer heart-felt, authentic advice to a friend and wonder if he relayed my message to the spouse. For a couple of reasons.
Discussions should be like 'brain-storming' activities filled with 'what ifs' and 'what thens'. These lengthy discussions would be difficult to convey in their totality and spirit. It would be disrespectful to the friendship if advise I offered was used as 'evidence'.
I'd much rather (although reluctantly) participate in a discussion between the two spouses. That way my intentions and attitude could be included. I would expect confidentiality in discussing a friends issues with their spouse.
In my golf-foursome comments about marital issues are sometimes discussed. I would NEVER divulge such comments to my wife. It's not an issue of transparency it's an issue of respect for the friendship. The musings at the golf course could be fleeting ideas that are quickly discarded.
If you feel you must share everything told to you with your wife then when an issue of a personal nature is raised by a friend you should tell them you're willing to hear and comment but they should know you won't keep it confidential.
JMO
We had both couples counseling and individual counseling.
What she discussed at IC is not/was not my business. It was meant for her to turn things over in her head. Same with me.
That doesn't mean you can't volunteer to share discussions at IC but it shouldn't be requested - IMO.
As for friends. I'd hate to offer heart-felt, authentic advice to a friend and wonder if he relayed my message to the spouse. For a couple of reasons.
Discussions should be like 'brain-storming' activities filled with 'what ifs' and 'what thens'. These lengthy discussions would be difficult to convey in their totality and spirit. It would be disrespectful to the friendship if advise I offered was used as 'evidence'.
I'd much rather (although reluctantly) participate in a discussion between the two spouses. That way my intentions and attitude could be included. I would expect confidentiality in discussing a friends issues with their spouse.
In my golf-foursome comments about marital issues are sometimes discussed. I would NEVER divulge such comments to my wife. It's not an issue of transparency it's an issue of respect for the friendship. The musings at the golf course could be fleeting ideas that are quickly discarded.
If you feel you must share everything told to you with your wife then when an issue of a personal nature is raised by a friend you should tell them you're willing to hear and comment but they should know you won't keep it confidential.
JMO
