Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 15 of 15 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Im a 28 years old girl, educated and employed. My parents expect me to find someone to get married. I was in relationship for last 2 years but the person didn't accept to marry me so we are broken now.
about one year ago, I met a boy in my workplace. we liked eachother but we never had any relation except professional issues. after 6 months I left that job and came back to my hometown which is 2 hours far from my workplace.
since this colleague and me had lots of eye contacts and positive feeling to eachother (rather chemistry match maybe), i thought he will start a relationship with me because he might have fear of loosing me.
so we started exchanging some text messages every some nights.but he never asked me to go out with him even tough i was at the city of my workplace for 2 months after leaving the job. but at the last day i was coming home i insisted to meet him to give back something which i borrowed from him and it was our only date.at that date he said that he has kind of feeling about me that is different from a respect or something, it is a different type of feeling and he was very nervous while saying these. so i didnt ask anymore about it to let him feel relaxed as he was hardly trying to tell me that he loves me and he looked very shy at that moment.
after that i came back to my town and we continued our frequent text messages till now but we never talk about love or sex or anything intimate! we only talk about out daily routines also he never ask me to go out or come to my town.from his last travel he has bought a gift for me and have said if we had a chance to meet he will give it to me but he never tries to meet!
he is 2.5 years younger than me. still i like this person and I want to attract him to a more serious relationship and marriage. but i am confused:
why he never calls?
why he never trys to come to my town?
why he never talks in an intimate way never sexy talks, never even kiss on text message!
anyway why does he continue this whole text message relationship?
what kind of relationship he wants?
how can i be an option for his marriage?
what can i do to attract him and push him in a more serious relationship?
thanks for your advices
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
Umm... No offense, but I think you need to work on becoming comfortable with yourself before you should start a relationship. One really big clue is that it's unethical to coerce or manipulate people. They are people with the same feelings and rights that you have, and they deserve decent treatment just as much as you do.

I think it would be a good idea if you took some time off from dating and just worked on yourself for a while to find out what makes you happy, and what makes you the real you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,165 Posts
Firstly, you shouldn't get married because your parents expect it or want it. You need to get married because YOU want it

Secondly you can't force someone to marry you - HE has to want it too

Why do you want to marry this man in particular, it doesn't sound like you're particularly close? There is nothing more offputting than the whiff of desperation! A person wants to feel like you want to marry them because you want to share a life and a family with them, not because they just happened to get caught in your butterfly net

Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
he has a calm personality, very responsible for his family, very good looking , hardworking and his family have a good culture and very polite and respectful. that is why i think he is a good option for marriage, as i rarely find these parameters in one person. and saying the truth that chemistery attraction makes me fancy him alot

I don't know why it seems selfish, I like his attitude surely I want to share my life and family with this person as he looks like my favourite man to get married, he also doesn't show reluctant , he continues texing me, i never continue if i feel im forcing him for this. i feel he loves me.
but i feel he is insecure, or shy or maybe in doubt because I am older than him or sth or maybe in love with someone else too?!
what do you think?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,256 Posts
I'm assuming you come from a traditional culture where you are expected to marry by a certain age, produce children, meet certain societal norms, etc.

If you are feeling pressure from your parents to marry, and you want to marry (either to please your parents or because YOU want to or because you feel you're running out of time as an eligible bride in your culture), then perhaps you should speak to your parents about it. If, as I suspect, you belong to a traditional culture, there must be some way to meet eligible men through a matchmaker-type social structure.

If this is a possibility in your culture, you should check it out. Just because you are part of the younger generation does NOT MEAN you have to resist ALL the old ways; it doesn't mean you HAVE to have a 'love match' to PROVE you're modern.

Choose the path that works for you; if that is traditional, okay! If that is modern, okay!

This man is NOT REALLY interested in you for whatever reason. The only 'date' (as you call it) was you FORCING him to meet up with you for pretty unrealistic reasons. If he was interested in DATING you, he would have made SOME move by now. Even if he's SHY, if he was interested in you, he would have asked you out BEFORE you got interested in some other man (or some other man got interested in YOU.) He didn't, because he's just not interested.

Check out other options for dating/meeting potential husbands.

Good Luck, sep!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
ok
it is sad, but i accept your advices and i will stop texting him and i will only reply if he texts.
i will stop thinking about him as a marriage option and search for another person who is interested in relation with me.
thanks for all your kind advices
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,456 Posts
Why would you even be thinking about marrying someone you haven't even dated? I would be very surprised if the idea has even crossed his mind...

Why are your parents so desperate for you to get married? Is it a cultural thing?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
they are not desparate but they like.
but I am desparate:(
because I feel it is the right time for me start a family .
relationship is very important in my life and when i am in a satisfying relationship im in a good mood, also I feel really alone because my friends are all in relationships for marriage or married so i like to find my soulmate soon ...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,456 Posts
they are not desparate but they like.
but I am desparate:(
because I feel it is the right time for me start a family .
relationship is very important in my life and when i am in a satisfying relationship im in a good mood, also I feel really alone because my friends are all in relationships for marriage or married so i like to find my soulmate soon ...
IMO:-

The right time to start a family is when you're in a loving, secure relationship.

Whilst good relationships might enhance our feelings of well-being, our feelings of well-being should never depend on them.

Settling for a relationship because of loneliness is never a good idea, OP...
 
  • Like
Reactions: sep

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
Yes you are right, I try to enjoy myself and I am working on it.
But finding someone whom you can trust and make a secure and loving relationship with, is really difficult.
My ex-boyfriend was very loving but I helped him alot financially and supported him emotionally when he needed courage to find a good job and challenge other problems but he never accepted to say he would be commited to the relationship and it made me feel very insecure in that relationship so I left him.
I hope I will find the right person soon.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,456 Posts
OP, stop looking and concentrate on yourself. The happier we are with ourselves, and the more content we are with our interesting, busy lives, the more likely we are to attract someone who might want to share it with us.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sep

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
Ok, I will surely do it, I visit lotsa sites and study alot to improve my spiritual life and learn how to be happier with myself.

Still I wish I had all these experiences and informations when I was younger.
I could enjoy my life better also I would have more chances to meet new people. I'm afraid I get too old to make a happy family. Im afraid my sexual desire lessen after 30, or getting pregnant become dangerous after 35. Maybe It is not true but something inside me is in a weird hurry for finding love and getting married and have lots of children and ...
Is it strange ? I thought it is normal
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,456 Posts
No it isn't strange, Sep, but marriages entered into because of desperation can be a big mistake. Sure, your biological clock is ticking, but not too loudly at this stage. My mother was 36 when I was born, and there are many women who give birth later than that.

Relax and enjoy your life. There's nothing more attractive than a happy, confident well-balanced person.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sep

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Discussion Starter #15
and my mother was 38 when giving birth to me

:)

Thanks alot for your kind advices..
wish you all happy moments
<3
 
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top