So long story short, me and the wife are in a dry spell and we are working through it. However I have noticed that when me and her arent vibing, all sexual activity stops. She doesnt need it like I do so its easy for her. Rather than dive into the source of our problems, I want to know from the men who have had long periods of no sex. Its getting to the point to where self release is no longer working and I walk around with crazy thoughts, an erection, and thoughts of other girls all the time. Short of actually cheating, what are men doing to help themselves NOT cheat during times of dryspells?
How can I keep from cheating?
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2,585 Posts
...cut it off?
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2,733 Posts
Uhh...Divorce?
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634 Posts
Well for one, there is porn and a left/right hand. All joking aside maybe you should express your feelings to her. It might just be the 2x4 she needs. If it is not remedied, then it might be time for a divorce.
Just please do not lower yourself to be a cheater.
Just please do not lower yourself to be a cheater.
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I don't stay faithful because my wife "deserves" it. From her actions she has earned immediate abandonment several times over. I made a promise and if I broke it I would be less of a man than I expect of myself. Any future promise I made wouldn't have much weight. Maybe I can't have sex every day but I can have integrity every day. The great thing about folks who operate from values is that whether times or good or bad, easy or hard, they can be counted on to do the "right" thing. When the end of life draws near, I doubt many folks regret not having an affair. On the other hand, whether your marriage succeeds or fails, through death or divorce, it'll end someday. You can be the guy who leaves your wife at the courthouse or at the cemetery, knowing you were 100% true or you can leave both places carrying a mess of guilt. I don't cheat on my wife for the same reason I don't steal, lie, take bribes, cook meth, or torture puppies.
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I wish we had a 'love' button. This is an awesome post, and an attitude I sure wish my hubby had had. He can never ever be a guy that didn't cheat on his wife, ever again.
Yea I guess this post is more in frustration, because I do want to be that guy that is 100% faithful and never cheats, but it is jsut getting harder and harder every single day, and I am afraid of the breaking point. I guess a better question is, at what point is the lack of sex and that alone a divorcable item? Me and her are great friends (maybe that is all we are), and we never argue, we literally are great in all areas except sex, but if that is the case we can just be friends and have that same relationship. At what time marker should I seriously consider it to a thing to divorce over?
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Lack of sex in my opinion is not Divorcable if there a valid reasons for it.
However...if a spouse mentions that sex is an issue (mine is sexless) in the marriage and a wife agrees its and issue and needs resolved and seemingly refuses to address said issue in a reasonable time frame and refuses any outside help.....and does not provide regular updates on her progress and does not accept any blame.
Then I will divorce HER over not being able to settle a disagreement in our marriage in reasonable time for being cruel. She is holding a grudge.
That is a grounds for divorce IMO and I'm prepared to do just that.... only so much time left. She's been forewarned.
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That is completely up to you. And her. If she cannot make the change after you have been truthful and had open communication, then you have decide where to draw the line. I wish I had a better answer for you.
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Yeah, you don't just divorce because you're getting no sex. You divorce because you have tried every single thing you can think of to work it out and still aren't getting any.
If you're such great friends you should be able to talk about this. IME though, lack of sex is usually a symptom, not the problem.
If you're such great friends you should be able to talk about this. IME though, lack of sex is usually a symptom, not the problem.
Is it my imagination, or has Mr. Pink gotten no warmth or sympathy, and very little real advice? Lectures, sarcasm, yes; helpful advice no. He's in a position none of us would want to be in, and seems to be looking for some advice to avoid temptation during a vulnerable time. Jeez....
Thanks, I posted on here hoping to hear other stories or ways to cope, not be branded a certain way but I know the word cheating has those labels. I really want to do the right thing I am just worri
ed a moment of weakness may happen...thats all
This is what im trying to do....not cheat. Im asking what makes it 'easier' to not cheat. Does anyone have an answers or are the rest of the posts going to be the same? If so I might as well delete the thread
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OK, since it has to be spelled out: My advice is:
- Tell your wife what you are feeling. Everything. Do not leave anything out.
- tell her this is a dealbreaker for you and you don't know how much longer you can go on with no sex
- seek MC and/or IC for the both of you
- do everything you can think of to work on your marriage. Read, do workbooks, join online groups, everything.
- tell your wife if she can't or won't work with you, you're headed for divorce
- you need to figure out WHY she won't have sex with you, and you can't do that on your own. She has to want to too. If she doesn't want to then lack of sex is obviously not the real problem
- Tell your wife what you are feeling. Everything. Do not leave anything out.
- tell her this is a dealbreaker for you and you don't know how much longer you can go on with no sex
- seek MC and/or IC for the both of you
- do everything you can think of to work on your marriage. Read, do workbooks, join online groups, everything.
- tell your wife if she can't or won't work with you, you're headed for divorce
- you need to figure out WHY she won't have sex with you, and you can't do that on your own. She has to want to too. If she doesn't want to then lack of sex is obviously not the real problem
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