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I read this over and over and over again. But I completely fail to understand how both of these things can be simultaneously true.
 

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I think when you look at a family unit as a whole a terrible spouse isn't going to be a good parent. On the other hand if you evaluate people and relationships on an individual basis I can see where the statement comes from. A husband and wife have a different relationship than a parent and child.

I see your point though, typically when an adult destroys their family due to their selfish actions they are not looking out for their children's best interest.
 

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I read this over and over and over again. But I completely fail to understand how both of these things can be simultaneously true.
I’m thinking these statements are mostly made in a new OPs first few posts. They are in shock and trying to process the situation. If you ask them again ten pages in, probably a different story.
 

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People who say this are overlooking that kids know what's going on whether you want them to know it or not and that both parents are showing the kids how to be when they grow up and what to put up with.
 

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I find it interesting that as a Christian, you would genuinely be surprised by this.

All are flawed/selfish/self-cented/entitled. So, this thread will be nothing more than quibbling over categories.

We get self-righteous over other people's failings, because they aren't ours. But we still have our own. Anyone who says otherwise is in denial.

What you've presented is a black and white way of thinking - a person is all bad or all good.

As much as some can't stand it (especially on this forum), we are both.

I read this over and over and over again. But I completely fail to understand how both of these things can be simultaneously true.
 

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If you’re talking about the posters who come here with a long list of what’s wrong with their spouse (including selfish, entitled, etc.) and then add “but he/she is a great parent”, maybe their idea of a great parent differs from what you or I or others consider a great parent. At the absolute minimum they aren’t a good role model if they treat their spouse badly and their children are likely to repeat their parents‘ dynamic one day. So, no.
 

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My ex bf was a great parent to his daughter (his son not so much from my POV) although they both idolized him.
What made him great was that the image of him being a great parent was very important to him and he did whatever it took
Being a great spouse/partner...not so much


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Based on your background I’m guessing your approaching this from a sex/relationship power stand point.

I say it is very possible. Just because a man is choking down his resentment doesn’t mean he is displaying his dissatisfaction to his kids and wife. We see it here all the time. The wife can be mother of the year but **** spouse of the decade (in the bedroom).
 

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A poster who has a husband witj a gambling problem that is affecting family finances stated: but he's a good father.

Others had the opinion he can't really be a good father if he's squandering family funds, which ultimately hurts the children.
 

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Yes, it is possible. We all can be selfish, and when things are not going well, we will make decisions, or behave in the way that's not perfect, or not entirely focused on children. It happens.
Things can be ****ty between parents, and they arguments in front of the kids is not good parenting. Does that mean that they are ****ty, selfish parents? They both might be doing their best in the bad situation. They are human.
And if you staying in the marriage "for kids" and they learn that marriage is something where love, respect, affection is NOT required - are you ****ty parent?

We all are humans, make mistakes, errors, and have to deal with a lot of stress and emotions - specially in marriage that's going downhill. It doesn't mean we do not love our children.
Life is not black and white. There are nuanses, complex issues. You may have your issues with your spouse, and still admit they are pulling their way with the kids. They are not perfect, we are not perfect. We all screw up now and then.
 
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A poster who has a husband witj a gambling problem that is affecting family finances stated: but he's a good father.

Others had the opinion he can't really be a good father if he's squandering family funds, which ultimately hurts the children.
Yes, he might be a gambler, and cause family financial distress. These are things kids should not know. with them, he might be the best father around, spending time with them, be emotionally available, etc. These things are important for children. Doesn't mean OP should accept the gambling, and just stay in the marriage. But she can still appreciate how he is around children.
 

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I read this over and over and over again. But I completely fail to understand how both of these things can be simultaneously true.
My ex husband was a self absorbed, possibly narcissistic, selfish prick as a husband but an amazing father. I’m not sure how that happened either but I guess I’d rather be the target than the children.
 

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Kids notice everything. If one of the parents is a jerk to the spouse but nice to the kids, the kids just learn that's normal for how you treat the mother or father of your kids, no respect. It's not good. Kids notice evertything.
 
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