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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey guys, how much housework do you do? I've been doing a lot more lately, not to impress my wife at all. I don't expect anything from her for doing it.

However, I think it's a change of attitude.

"This is my house too. Those are my clothes. Those are my dishes. That is my kitchen floor." As an adult, if I was living on my own, I would have to take care of these things anyways. So why do I expect my wife to do it all?

I think doing housework is more about being in tune to what's happening around you. What I've found is that if I just actually start doing that stuff without asking first, she doesn't keep score anymore.
 

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Do some, a bit of laundry but always get wife to sort out loads and which setting to put the washing machine on. I had an unfortunate incident with a yellow duster and some white sheets years ago.

Hang out the washing and fold it (she always refolds it as 'I do it wrong'

Most of the cooking, and some tidying.

It is my house too why shouldn't I help look after it?
 

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I'm a homemaker so that changes what my husband does.

He helps with dinner, dishes, wipes off counters/table, sweeps/vacuums occasionally and is great about picking up after himself. I do the rest.

He only pitches in more if say company is coming.
 

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I find that doing the dishes and cleaning in my fashion causes far more grief than if I do nothing.

So, when she's gone, I take short periods of time regularly and get stuff done - dishes, cleaning, laundry, floors, bathroom, etc - based on what I think needs done at that time. When she's home, I'd rather not do any of it, because no matter what it is I do, I get yelled at and then she re-does it because it's not "done right" and I get a lot of sullen, angry treatment.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Do it anyways. Don't be intimidated by her bs. And if she really gets pissy, tell her that she's free to move into a place of her own if she doesn't like how you take care of your house.
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
No...but why put up with rude and demeaning behaviour. You're quite capable of cleaning dishes and doing laundry all by yourself. Like an adult.
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No...but why put up with rude and demeaning behaviour. You're quite capable of cleaning dishes and doing laundry all by yourself. Like an adult.
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I understand. I'm trying to make the point that the WAY you suggested dealing with it would mean my bags packed and divorce papers filed in that order and immediacy.

It might work for some, but that's not an option for her.

If there's one thing I'm sure of... That the things she does and her loudest and most angry nagging... Have little to do with what the problems are. And asking what the problem is doesn't yield much useful information, either. Because she'll respond with the present irritants, which are only irritants because there's some other, unexpressed, overriding matter that's really the culprit.

She's been that way her whole life. The loudest complaints, the things she expresses the greatest anger about are never the real issues. Gads. It took me nearly 20 years to learn it, too.
 

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I do my fair share. I never expected my wife to do it all and never will. She does more, but I always do what I can when I can. And when we get along great like we are now (and that includes more sex), I tend to take it upon myself to wash every dish and cup that is there.
 

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Since seperating I have to do freakin everything... *sighs*
Need to employ a maid or something, hate it! But I know that if I don't get it done then it's just going to stare at my face the next day so ACK!

Life sux, if reconciliation isn't possible I don't see why I should keep this house, it's too big. It'll definitely impress future prospects however
 

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I do my fair share. I never expected my wife to do it all and never will. She does more, but I always do what I can when I can. And when we get along great like we are now (and that includes more sex), I tend to take it upon myself to wash every dish and cup that is there.
I can understand that. I kinda felt this way, but you know, attitudes change, for a lot of reasons. I'm now faced with trying to put these things back together.

One of the things I would rather do, is to do them WITH HER. But she makes it impossible. If I go to the kitchen to help with cleanup, no matter what part I start on, she'll get mad and kick me out (or I leave, because I refuse to tolerate the behavior) for not doing it right. I'm too slow, don't load the dishwasher right, put dishes in the wrong sink... Use the wrong cleaner (she's totally anal about kitchen cleaners and will rarely use one, wants me to spend all day scrubbing rather than use an effective cleaner), etc ,etc. Then she gets mad because I'm not helping.

She never says it, but this is the description: "I want you to help me, and I want you do it my way, the way I want, and what I want - ONLY."
 

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I can understand that. I kinda felt this way, but you know, attitudes change, for a lot of reasons. I'm now faced with trying to put these things back together.

One of the things I would rather do, is to do them WITH HER. But she makes it impossible. If I go to the kitchen to help with cleanup, no matter what part I start on, she'll get mad and kick me out (or I leave, because I refuse to tolerate the behavior) for not doing it right. I'm too slow, don't load the dishwasher right, put dishes in the wrong sink... Use the wrong cleaner (she's totally anal about kitchen cleaners and will rarely use one, wants me to spend all day scrubbing rather than use an effective cleaner), etc ,etc. Then she gets mad because I'm not helping.

She never says it, but this is the description: "I want you to help me, and I want you do it my way, the way I want, and what I want - ONLY."
I am guilty of this behavior. My poor H feels as if he can't win. I am OCD but, it isn't an excuse. I've been trying to let him do things his own way.
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I am guilty of this behavior. My poor H feels as if he can't win. I am OCD but, it isn't an excuse. I've been trying to let him do things his own way.
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I can't possibly count the number of times I've walked out the front door or gotten out of earshot while I'm mumbling to myself about getting her OCD under control.

The thing is, the first few times it was purely a gut reaction, where I didn't say "Hey, this looks like OCD behavior", it was just venting my anger.

Really, she does have some level of OCD or OCD "ish" behaviors.

Especially when she started complaining that I need to do various things because they cause her anxiety, among them was getting the right dishes on the right shelf.

Then again, at times I think this is a response to her need for security expressing itself as attempts to control "something", because our lives for so long have been utter chaos in many aspects.
 

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I am guilty of this behavior. My poor H feels as if he can't win. I am OCD but, it isn't an excuse. I've been trying to let him do things his own way.
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I can't tell you the number of times I'm off somewhere trying to burn off my frustration screaming to myself "I can't win!"

Took me quite a while to start addressing what "win" was and why I viewed it as winning a conflict or contest. I'm still unsure, really. I just realized that sometimes my gut tells me what the analytical side cant' locate.
 

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OCD is a "control" thing. I learned in therapy that I clean obsessively due to my traumatic childhood. I had no control over what happened to me but, I can control the cleanliness of my house. I also have things that go in a specific order. I also have to have 3 of certain items i.e. Shampoo, body wash, etc. I also get uptight if we have less than 12 rolls of toilet tissue...lol

It is on your W though to get her issues under control. You have my sympathy.
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My husband and I have our division of chores that works for us. We both work full-time. He's the main chef in our home, runs to the store for supplies, takes care of the maintenance type things, cleans the bathroom weekly, and does more with the dogs than me.

I pay the bills, change the bed linen weekly, do laundry, vacuum, mop and dust.

When we first moved in together, being young, I was writing lists of chores to be done. I remember returning home a few months in, and he told me to quit it with the lists lol. He said if he saw another list he'd throw it away. He said he knew what needed to be done. That was the last list I wrote lol. We both share in responsibilities in what works best for us.
 
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I do almost all of the housework and yes we both work full time. It is to the point that women I work with are jealous and say they wish they could get their husband to help around the house.
 

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Hubby does some laundry and does help with the dishes. He also makes dinner quite often which I love! He handles all the finances and what little yard work there is.
 

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"This is my house too. Those are my clothes. Those are my dishes. That is my kitchen floor." As an adult, if I was living on my own, I would have to take care of these things anyways. So why do I expect my wife to do it all?
.
:iagree: and that's correct!
In our house,
I control the kitchen, hence I do most of the cooking.
Today's menu:
Baked potatoes.
Baked Salmon,[ Italian Style], Brown Rice & Red Beans.

I do the dishes. [ Sometimes ]

I do ALL of the laundry, both hers and mine.
I shop for the groceries.

She does the cleaning , and whatever else I didn't get to do.
 
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