Joined
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12 Posts
Hello Everybody,
First of all, I must say that I am shocked I'm on here. I guess I've either stereotyped these sites as being for ‘other’ people or too blind to recognize my marriage is in trouble. Regardless, I've always considered myself to be a very strong minded, independent man that GIVES advice, not accepts it. My wife would say that I'm a bull headed isolationist. Either way, I'm going to be as blunt as I can & accept the criticism & advice from anybody willing to take the time to help. Truly, I appreciate it.
OK, so like the title says, my marriage is always hot or cold. I have been married to my beautiful wife for 12 yrs & we have 2 kids, aged 10 & 12. Yes, my wife was pregnant when we got married & yes that is often a red flag. However, we were not careful at all & I think actually wanted the pregnancy to happen. Fact is, I had a 3rd degree burn hot marriage for the first 5 years or so. Then, it was hot for 10 months out of the year. And for the past couple of years, it's hot about 5 days a month. Not good. I'll give a brief, point by point overview of why I think we've gotten to this point:
1. I can be an ass & generally want things my way.
2. We are having a difficult time financially as I change careers.
3. My wife hasn't & doesn't work.
4. My wife LOVES animals, I do not. She has brought home a cat, then a dog & finally bought a horse for our daughter without discussing it with me...she knows I'd say no.
5. I have gotten fat & lost a lot of respect for myself. I used to have a bodybuilder physique, now, not so much.
6. My wife is a major socialite, but only with other animal lovers. I have nothing in common with most of these people. Half don’t or won’t work.
7. My wife CONSTANTLY says that I think she's just a useless, housewife. I vehemently deny it as it isn't true…or is it? Maybe I deny it so that I don’t look shallow?
I'll leave it at 7 for now as those are the ones that came to mind immediately. If I need to think about it longer than 5 minutes, then I don't think it's a major contributor to why we're where we are. Of course, there’s more to the above than a brief one line description but it has led to a lot of nastiness. She has said that "we just move on" or "end it" or the actual "D" word, but ultimately, we're at it like teenagers in the bedroom again within a week or so...which is probably very telling of a larger problem. I think she's says it to hurt or shock me, I've actually said it or agreed to it too. Actually, it seems to have lost significance. It's mentioned like other couples say I love you. I don't know, guess I'm just rambling. I'll end it here & see if anybody has something to offer. I do love my wife, I really do. I have never cheated on her nor would I. I'm just a lost, proud man who would NEVER discuss this with friends or family though I think she has. I want to save my marriage but cannot go on suffering or hurting my children with our fights. Thanks for any help.
First of all, I must say that I am shocked I'm on here. I guess I've either stereotyped these sites as being for ‘other’ people or too blind to recognize my marriage is in trouble. Regardless, I've always considered myself to be a very strong minded, independent man that GIVES advice, not accepts it. My wife would say that I'm a bull headed isolationist. Either way, I'm going to be as blunt as I can & accept the criticism & advice from anybody willing to take the time to help. Truly, I appreciate it.
OK, so like the title says, my marriage is always hot or cold. I have been married to my beautiful wife for 12 yrs & we have 2 kids, aged 10 & 12. Yes, my wife was pregnant when we got married & yes that is often a red flag. However, we were not careful at all & I think actually wanted the pregnancy to happen. Fact is, I had a 3rd degree burn hot marriage for the first 5 years or so. Then, it was hot for 10 months out of the year. And for the past couple of years, it's hot about 5 days a month. Not good. I'll give a brief, point by point overview of why I think we've gotten to this point:
1. I can be an ass & generally want things my way.
2. We are having a difficult time financially as I change careers.
3. My wife hasn't & doesn't work.
4. My wife LOVES animals, I do not. She has brought home a cat, then a dog & finally bought a horse for our daughter without discussing it with me...she knows I'd say no.
5. I have gotten fat & lost a lot of respect for myself. I used to have a bodybuilder physique, now, not so much.
6. My wife is a major socialite, but only with other animal lovers. I have nothing in common with most of these people. Half don’t or won’t work.
7. My wife CONSTANTLY says that I think she's just a useless, housewife. I vehemently deny it as it isn't true…or is it? Maybe I deny it so that I don’t look shallow?
I'll leave it at 7 for now as those are the ones that came to mind immediately. If I need to think about it longer than 5 minutes, then I don't think it's a major contributor to why we're where we are. Of course, there’s more to the above than a brief one line description but it has led to a lot of nastiness. She has said that "we just move on" or "end it" or the actual "D" word, but ultimately, we're at it like teenagers in the bedroom again within a week or so...which is probably very telling of a larger problem. I think she's says it to hurt or shock me, I've actually said it or agreed to it too. Actually, it seems to have lost significance. It's mentioned like other couples say I love you. I don't know, guess I'm just rambling. I'll end it here & see if anybody has something to offer. I do love my wife, I really do. I have never cheated on her nor would I. I'm just a lost, proud man who would NEVER discuss this with friends or family though I think she has. I want to save my marriage but cannot go on suffering or hurting my children with our fights. Thanks for any help.