[Ryan]

Hello all,

I am new here at the forums, I have used my middle name as my username since my normal sn just seems inaproprate.

Bare with me, I am 19 and haven't been that good at spelling and grammer.

I know you all have heard all the sob stories and this and that so this is probably nothing new.

I am NOT married, but want to be. I seem to be in a one sided relationship but being suspectible to emotions shared in other ways then words or physical actions, I believe I am wrong.

I have been with my girlfriend/fiancee/ex (that is how confused I am) for almost 2 years. She is the longest relationship I have ever been in, and she is the women I lost my virginity to (if that counts for anything). Long story short, that is where things go wrong. We have a child. A 3 month old daughter who is absolutly gorgous! I love my girlfriend and daughter both, but ever since she was pregnat, things haven't been the same. Easy to fight, taking words wrong, and plain out nagging. Again I am 19, I love computers, I haven't had much hard labour or unskilled working experence in my life. The nagging is for me to get a job. Granted I need one, needed one for 12 months now. Why in the world is it so hard for me to get one and keep one is beyond me. We have fallen in and out, in and out, in and out...over and over again. The chain I see is as follows:

I move some where different(we don't live together, we have for 1 month and then the land lord kick us out since we were not on her mothers lease)

Once I settle in, get comfortable,start playing games and wasting time(which i shouldn't) she kicks me in the ass by nagging me, downing me w/e it is she needs to do to get me to get a job.

I get one, we are FINALLY happy once more and things start to unwind.

I loose the job in 2 to 5 days. ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. Relationship? I have none!

I talk her into being with me AGIAN, this is getting old...

I fight my lazyness again...successfully or not and the chain repeats.

There are break periods..This is the times when we are calm with each other but are not exactly on par. Should I say she is calm with me? Since i RARLY get mad at her, she is the one mad at me.

Other things I see are that if we are physically together for a day, it lowers the heavyness on us. USUALLY, we don't fight in person, only on the phone, and that is why I hate the phone. Also, she seems to ..well calm down...if we...well yeah...anyways moving on.

The predicament I am in now is that I love with my mother 50 mins away from her(2 hour train ride). I have a daughter I can not see every day, or even every weekend since I don't drive, my mother is more lazy then me and my gf don't have a car, the last one blew the engine.

Her family HATES ME, esspecially her gparents, they have since i met them. And she lives with them, so you'd understand how i feel about going over there.

Job....ok well when it comes to a job...I DON"T have many options around me. Since I don't have a bike, don't have a car, don't have anyone that once to help me go 10 miles to look for a job. IDK what do do when it comes to that. I lost my last job over someone that had applyed 4 hours before I applyed and there was a miscommunication. 1 day job wow, even that was hard to tell my gf.

She says I am not doing anything for my daughter, I am not helping her at all! This kills me inside since I don't want to be labeled a deadbeat dad. I was at the hospital until she recovered from the csection. When I am at the same house as my daughter,I tend to her more then her mother, i tell her to rest,REGARDLESS OF WHAT ME AND HER RELATIONSHIP IS AT! I don't have money, is that all i need to do?

My gf, tina btw, says she has everything covered because of wick, welfare and SSI, yet she will call me up sometimes to ***** at me! What does this freaking mean? Does this mean she DOES love me and she wants me to make sure we can rasie this family TOGETHER?

The lastest? HA, she was fighting me badly for the past week and then friday she calls me asking if my mother will pick her up from the train station. She wanted to get away from her gmom cuz she was talking about dyfis and tina really hasn't done ANYTHING wrong for them! Since I do love BOTH of my girls I forced my mother to allow her to come here, we had a good time even too and slept together! Then, sunday we have a christing for my daughter, christie btw, and I actually was severly hurt by tina because she didn't want to stand up to her best friend or anyone else, to give me a seat next to her. Stupid I kno but we all kno what the effects of love can do to us. We also had broke up on thursday, like i said she came friday and we saw each other sunday.

Saturday, CHILDSUPPORT HEARING...finally came in since tina told me she HAD to go on it for welfare. I am not mad at all about it but the fear of august 9 is bad..am I going to go to jail since I have NO MONEY and no job? Will they allow me to go to job core which i have not been wanting to do for over a year but feel I should?

I love tina and christie with all my heart and I don't know what to do! Tina at one point last week said she don't care if I go to jail do/don't get a job...she doesn't care any more basicly. But then she will tell me in the same sentence that she does love me and will always love me!

HELP ME PLEASE!

(btw, there is only one bus stop by my house, and it goes into a REALLY bad neighborhood that something happened to me down there so i don't go there....plus I have no money. Most jobs are 5 to 10 miles away, expect the one i JUST lost which was RIGHT FREAKING NEXT DOOR!)

 

[serendipity666]

heh

Its hard work living in the grown up world. You do have plus points. You realise that you need to get serious, sort your life, get responsible. Trust me, some men get to there 40's or 50's even, being carried by there women and never learn to take responsibility. You want to sort your life, where do you begin??

Easy, start at the beginning. Take a small step to wherever. Ditch the computer games, the lazy attitude because that is all it is. Its a mind set, you tell yourself your lazy your gonna live up to that standard. Get some enthusiasm for your life. Get a picture of your daughter, put it beside your bed, look at it every single morning, do it for her.

Find a job, dont play or pretend to yourself, just do it. You seem to be a great at trying, stop that and become pro active. Your life, your choices but if you need a kick up your a** no one cares except you.

Your G/F had realised you cant be relied on, you let not only you down but your family of her plus one down, you want to keep doing that then go right ahead. I dont think you do, I think you want to prove to yourself and them you can achieve but you lack faith in yourself and your ability. Whats the worse that can happen if you try and I mean really try?? Yeh failure which means big LOSER, wrong - it only means that if you give up, if you stop trying. Get you butt off your sofa/seat and move your world, it aint gonna happen without your input and when you feel like pressing the self destruct button stop and ask yourself why? You say there isn't many job options around you, many? you only need one, it doesnt matter if its a rubbish job, its a job so go get just one of the many. When you get one, stick with it, you have a family to support, if they dont need your money do it for your own self respect remember we all need that. You've done the self pity now time to stand up and be counted, just for yourself.

I think you need to sort your life out for yourself. Whilst your focssing on issues with your girlfriend your not looking at your own personal picture which needs your attention, right now. Consentrate on sorting your own life out before you even think about sorting your relationships. If you cant or wont get you right how can you begin to think of getting it right with anyone else..


serendipity

 

[Ryan]

I have 2 things that are going for me possibly.

1. Job core. That is closer to where I live and I will be more able to vist AT LEAST my daughter but it is a 8 month with hardly any income coarce. I don't kno if the court will let me.

2.One of my best friends and cofounder of my gaming community that I run is in mississippi right now making 2k a week! His friends hired him and he still needs more ppl. It is hard labour at the MAX but the pay off is great! 2k? Wow...maybe if i start to really help tina and my daughter...our relationship gets better, I can convince her to move into are really nice appartment down there. Even if that doesn't happen, I'll be making more then enought to support my duaghter and live comfortably down there. I live in NJ right now, so visting my daughter will be really hard. Again, hell i could send 4g a month to her...but ...what will my gf do with that money i wonder. My problem with this option is that I HATE labour work, am not good at it, and get fired EASY from these type of jobs. My friends says that they are laied back there so ...yeah...idk.

Will court let me leave the state?
Will the help me find a job as my friends say? They say they must if they want money out of me?

The 13th amendment prohibits jailing of a US citizen for a debt. What is childsupport? A DEBT!

 

[Ryan]

don't have to worry about court now...and i can leave the state...amazing what one simple phone call can do...62$ a week is what i have to pay...now time to figure out how I am going to pay it!

 

[serendipity666]

Heh

WOW!!! to be honest, this morning I thought, not much hope for this guy!! Here you are doing the craziest of things, using your brain and its working!!!

You have figured out a job, Im sure you can figure everything else out. Motivation is all you need. I am sure sure sure, you will succeed. You sound like a man on a mission, this morning your post read full of negativety. You have turned that around, can see the positives and are working towards them, $62 a week isn't a great deal of money and I'm sure you will figure a way to find it.

I think you should consider your options carefully before you decide anything, take your time and figure what you want and what your capable of. You do know what your own limitations are so be honest with yourself. You seem to have found your focus today, hold that tight, when things are tough and they will be, when you think what th f*ck is this all about, remember why your doing this and keep going.

Keep posting and I will keep checking back to see with great interest; all that you can become is within you....


serendipity

 

[JustMe]

Hi! This may be a dead thread, but I hope you're doing well. I totally agree with everything that Sernedipity said! I hope you got that job, and I hope you stuck with it! If so, keep going! If not, keep going anyway!

 

[katharina]

Hi! This may be a dead thread, but I hope you're doing well. I totally agree with everything that Sernedipity said! I hope you got that job, and I hope you stuck with it! If so, keep going! If not, keep going anyway!

I was hoping to see an ending to this saga on the thread here, too... are you still in the forum, Ryan? And if so, how did this all turn out? I hope that you've been able to find a keep a job so that your little girl can have a good life.

 

[Ryan]

Hey guys, no I am not dead or in jail. I was trying to figure out my life after getting the advice. Things are still not that great and the mississippi job may not be working out. Though I may have a local job so...


Me and my gf are talking better now, we aren't together exactly but still say I love you after we get off the phone.

 

[MrsLV]

Why is the Mississippi job not going to work out? That seemed to be so hopeful.
Glad that everything regarding the child support issue worked out....continue to try to do your best.