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My wife and i met eachother overseas in the military and fell in love instantly we dated for about a year and decided to get married. we both knew that it was early but we both knew that we never wanted another person by eachothers side. She has been on a depo birth control since she was 16 which stops her monthly flow and had been on anti-depressant for almost 2 years and she recently stopped both so we could have a baby. We've been married about 2 years now and i'm on deployment and my wife is back home on shore duty. She now can bearly talk to me and has basically given up on our relationship. She says that i was just with her to fix her and now that she has this new confidence and feeling of happiness she's not sure if she wants to be with me anymore. I need help, anything i can do to save marriage would help. I'm seeking help to try and figure this out but i feel helpless out here. Please....
 

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My wife and i met eachother overseas in the military and fell in love instantly we dated for about a year and decided to get married. we both knew that it was early but we both knew that we never wanted another person by eachothers side. She has been on a depo birth control since she was 16 which stops her monthly flow and had been on anti-depressant for almost 2 years and she recently stopped both so we could have a baby. We've been married about 2 years now and i'm on deployment and my wife is back home on shore duty. She now can bearly talk to me and has basically given up on our relationship. She says that i was just with her to fix her and now that she has this new confidence and feeling of happiness she's not sure if she wants to be with me anymore. I need help, anything i can do to save marriage would help. I'm seeking help to try and figure this out but i feel helpless out here. Please....
Is it possible she suffers from manic depression and without her meds has tipped to mania? If this is the case you need to reach out to those around her at home who can check in on her and make sure she is mentally alright. Make sure she is under the care of a competent doctor.

Other than that, I would think maybe she is very lonely and her confidence is false and really her way of saying I need you but you're not there. If that is the case go to the men's clubhouse and read about fitness tests as I would think that is what she is doing. If this is the case, she needs you to be strong now more than ever, reassure her but be clear that you can't control the circumstances and as soon as you get back you are willing to do what it takes to make her feel secure.
 

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when did you leave on deployment? when ya goin to be home? is this the first time you have been apart for a long period?

i do understand what you are going thru. my husband and i were in the navy and met on the first ship we were stationed on. we have been thru what you have stated here.

maybe your wife just really can't handle you being gone. it may also be very hard if this is the first time you have been apart for this long. i am sure she feels ALONE..LONELY..all that. you probably know that tho.
don't want to sound rude....but she KNEW what she was getting into when she married you. did she not?
i agree that she may not be mentally stable since she is not on the meds anymore. depression is a serious thing and takes time to work thru. i also understand that as well. i have been in her shoes..with the depression while my husband was on deployment..but i was in denial and didn't think i needed help for the depression. we have been thru 4 deployments..3 while we've been married. the first one we were on together.
i know it is hard for you both..of course. it is something that CAN be worked thru. if your wife wants it bad enough she will make it work too. not being there physically is very hard as well. i am sure you have figured that out too. i really think she should get those meds again..and also of course get some counseling. can you ask her if she would consider counseling..that is if she isn't already? it really will help her. maybe even you can get some as well while you are out there. i know there are ppl on the ships for that.
don't be hopeless. just try as best you can to be there for her emotionally..if she reaches out to you. that is really all you can do. as well as letting her know how much you care for and love her.

i hope that you can report later that everything is okay.
good luck
 

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Unfortunately, I'm thinking things aren't looking very rosy. One problem is you were both very young when you married, and now she is maybe wanting to experience life on her own. Also, is there any reason to doubt that she's feeling confident and happy? Why put a person back on meds when she's in a good place? That doesn't make sense. It may be she is experiencing a new sense of freedom, and eventually will get tired and come back. My suggestion is to give here some rope. You don't want her to feel imprisoned by marriage. Unfortunately, being married doesn't mean she has to act married - ultimately the relationship is determined by eternal male-female dynamics, not a piece of paper. You've got to be strong, and while keeping the door open for her to come back, don't act desperate - that will only make things worse. Start thinking in terms of life without her - accept that it's possible that it will happen. Then, understanding and accepting that, try to improve on things. Tell her to at least wait till you come back before ending things - it may make a difference to see you face-to-face.
 
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