My bf and I have been spinning our wheels a little.
I'm giving the milk away for free so to speak and my boyfriend has stopped doing all the things he used to do to court me. We have been dating for 2 1/2 years, are both new in our careers, and just moved in together a few months ago after spending a year long distance. Our relationship has always come very easily and he is a wonderful man who I may just spend forever with. He works hard, is honest, patient, kind, funny, basically a jackpot. Our first year together was filled with exciting adventures, 2 or 3 activities a week. Then there was the year apart when he got used to texting me throughout the day with a call every few days and got lazy.
We've been living together now for 3 months and have been on 2 dates, both ones that I had to ask for. He has always preferred to be a homebody but likes that I get him out of the house. I get frustrated with having to take the initiative on everything and it really turns me off. I've lost track of when the weekend comes because we never do anything different unless I suggest it.
He is wonderful to me, but never does anything to make me feel special. All I'm asking for is a back rub, a little cleaning, maybe something sweet from the grocery store (my ultimate weakness), anything to show he's putting some thought into our relationship! He admitted he's only been thinking of the new job he'll be starting and has not been thinking about our relationship much. I've given up a little out of frustration, but I cook him full dinners, rub his head every night, plan things he likes to do, give him manicures, do things in bed he likes... The bedroom is the same thing too, he's happy to just do the same routine over and over, and it works but I'm kind of bored and wish he were more attentive (I have told him things I like many times, he never remembers to do them).
I've sat him down to talk about this 3 times and it hasn't been productive. It hurts his feelings very much to hear I feel taken for granted and that he's slacking off. So he mopes for a few days, I feel awful for hurting him, and then he gets over it and nothing happens. I feel like that first year was false advertising and this is turning into our first real sore spot in the relationship. I'm not sure what to do! I love this man dearly and being taken for granted hurts when I do so much to keep him happy.
To add to it, we are pretty stressed right now. He is waiting to start a new job, I am underemployed, and I have Crohn's disease which can be pretty exhausting and sometimes makes sex harder. This stress has made our sex life a lot worse the last few weeks, when usually it is great. We both are very open about these stressors and very supportive of each other.
Any advice? I know this is a problem couples go through, has anyone been there and what did you do? Thank you for your help!
I'm giving the milk away for free so to speak and my boyfriend has stopped doing all the things he used to do to court me. We have been dating for 2 1/2 years, are both new in our careers, and just moved in together a few months ago after spending a year long distance. Our relationship has always come very easily and he is a wonderful man who I may just spend forever with. He works hard, is honest, patient, kind, funny, basically a jackpot. Our first year together was filled with exciting adventures, 2 or 3 activities a week. Then there was the year apart when he got used to texting me throughout the day with a call every few days and got lazy.
We've been living together now for 3 months and have been on 2 dates, both ones that I had to ask for. He has always preferred to be a homebody but likes that I get him out of the house. I get frustrated with having to take the initiative on everything and it really turns me off. I've lost track of when the weekend comes because we never do anything different unless I suggest it.
He is wonderful to me, but never does anything to make me feel special. All I'm asking for is a back rub, a little cleaning, maybe something sweet from the grocery store (my ultimate weakness), anything to show he's putting some thought into our relationship! He admitted he's only been thinking of the new job he'll be starting and has not been thinking about our relationship much. I've given up a little out of frustration, but I cook him full dinners, rub his head every night, plan things he likes to do, give him manicures, do things in bed he likes... The bedroom is the same thing too, he's happy to just do the same routine over and over, and it works but I'm kind of bored and wish he were more attentive (I have told him things I like many times, he never remembers to do them).
I've sat him down to talk about this 3 times and it hasn't been productive. It hurts his feelings very much to hear I feel taken for granted and that he's slacking off. So he mopes for a few days, I feel awful for hurting him, and then he gets over it and nothing happens. I feel like that first year was false advertising and this is turning into our first real sore spot in the relationship. I'm not sure what to do! I love this man dearly and being taken for granted hurts when I do so much to keep him happy.
To add to it, we are pretty stressed right now. He is waiting to start a new job, I am underemployed, and I have Crohn's disease which can be pretty exhausting and sometimes makes sex harder. This stress has made our sex life a lot worse the last few weeks, when usually it is great. We both are very open about these stressors and very supportive of each other.
Any advice? I know this is a problem couples go through, has anyone been there and what did you do? Thank you for your help!
