[sham1024]

I am going through divorce and 6 months in, how do you get through holidays the first year. My 19yr old son signed up to join the army this week and tells me he will be gone by December. I thought my kids would spend thanksgiving with their dad and christmas with me. Everything will be different, the thought that my oldest will not be here is so overwhelming. Yes I have relied on him through this awful period in my life, I am not going to lie. I feel he is trying to make sense of the terrible truth that his dad is not who he thought he was. While I am trying to support him I don't know how deal with his absence. I have 2 other kids who look up to their brother, his 18yr old brother will be lost without him. He said he wanted to join so that the people with kids would not have to go. It's going to be difficult with all the changes, any ideas.

 

[Poppy]

Hi. I am so proud of you. Your son sounds like a fine young, principaled man...a reflection of your wonderful parenting as his mother. Try not to think of it as getting through the holidays, but as a new start, a new normal and a better experience without your H in it. Decorate your house like never before. Get friends over for drinks. Let your kids have friends over...fill your life and home with people. You are so strong and your joy of living will shine and reflect on your kids. Smile...put body glitter on your tits secretly..something stupid to keep you in the festive spirit.
You and your kids deserve happiness and I know you will miss your eldest son terribly, but he needs to do this and you need to let him go, metaphorically speaking, to grow as a man and find himself.
Your holidays will be better than ever, but you need to make that happen. Show yourself how great you are.

 

[sham1024]

your post made me cry poppy, I will miss him so much, I still do all the british traditions with christmas crackers, turkey, funny hats, pudding, midnight mass getting drunk, Will do the body glitter, its my favourite holiday, so I do get homesick but my kids always made it fun. He has grown up and taken on so much since this happened, I hope I can make him proud.

 

[Clothed-In-Strength]

Sham,

I find myself thinking about the holidays a lot lately. I'm 6 months in as well and have a 9 yr old D. Splitting the holidays is going to be extremely hard for me. The thought of not having my D with me every minute during the holidays depresses me so much. I've been trying to think of ways I can make it feel extra special for us and love Poppy's ideas.

Let's make it happen!! I refuse to let my H's selfishness bring me down during the holidays.

 

[Pluto2]

Sham,
We'll be separated for seven months at Christmas and I, like you am dredding it. We have 2 girls, still in school, and the idea that I would miss part of their joy just kills. I love Poppy's idea of filling the house with people and over-decorating. I'm going to start planning now! You should too.To have raised such an honorable young man must bring you endless joy. Congrats!

 

[specialplace]

How are you splitting the time with your kids over the holidays? I have only been separated for two months, but my husband fights with me over everything. I don't see how we are going to agree on the holidays and that is another reason why I am dreading them

 

[sham1024]

my kids are 16 18 and 19, so not kids anymore. I asked them what they wanted to do. They decided, they know I love christmas so I guess it was a no brainer. Their dad will see them for part of the day as we live near each other. I just think it will be sad for me, but will do the best I can.

 

[my_peace]

Sham 1024,
I wanted to thank you for your beautiful message to me, I deleted my thread right before your message came in so cannot reply in another way. I am wishing peace and positive change will come for you sooner than you think.
my_peace