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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Who else has a relationship that gets even more stressful during the holidays?
I love the holidays, but it just adds more pressure on our marriage.
 

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Yes. When you have kids and parents who want you to do things in different places at the same time, and you are trying to figure our how to pay for everything it just sucks. Every year I threaten to move to India.
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I've never liked the holidays that much. I'm dreading them next year (getting married in June).

We each live about 4 hours from family. This year we split up and went separate ways. Next year we are going to stay home and do our own thing. I know neither family will be happy.
 

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I've never liked the holidays that much. I'm dreading them next year (getting married in June).

We each live about 4 hours from family. This year we split up and went separate ways. Next year we are going to stay home and do our own thing. I know neither family will be happy.
That's hard especially if both sets of in laws have traditions, but fail to understand that you want to start your own traditions with your new family. We decided to give thanksgiving up to our parents but we keep Christmas to ourselves. We stay home, and no ripping and running for us.

The only stress we really have is about gifts and how much to spend more so now that the kids are getting older. My H can sometimes go overboard because he's like a big kid at christmas time, but we tend to work out.
 

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That's hard especially if both sets of in laws have traditions, but fail to understand that you want to start your own traditions with your new family. We decided to give thanksgiving up to our parents but we keep Christmas to ourselves. We stay home, and no ripping and running for us.

The only stress we really have is about gifts and how much to spend more so now that the kids are getting older. My H can sometimes go overboard because he's like a big kid at christmas time, but we tend to work out.
I think we will start doing holidays at our house and invite her family and my family to join us if they want. That's the best solution we can think of.

There are more things that make it hard on us other than just distance. Her parents don't do holidays at their house, they move around between Toledo, Detroit, Philadelphia, North Carolina and Georgia. That makes it impossible for us to even plan on spending the holiday with them if we wanted.

My family always does holiday events at my grandmothers. Long story short my fiancee isn't welcome there. The rest of my family likes her but my grandmother is old and close minded and won't let her in the house.

All that aside, even as a single guy I always thought that the holidays are too stressful. Everyone is running around like a chicken with their head cut off and spending money that they don't really have on stuff people don't really want.
 

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I set up boundaries a LONG time ago with my extended family. We do Christmas HERE. If they want to come over, they are more than welcome. But seeing I have the youngest children right now, I will be having the holidays here.

I also told my ex to NOT plan any trip for our daughter to visit until after the holiday. I dont' want to be going to an airport on Christmas or Christmas Eve, as he's had be do before. Eff that. I'm raising her, she goes when I say.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Money, visiting family, decorating the house. Those are all issues. It is just frustrating that during a time of joy and celebration, stress and bickering comes with it.
 

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Holidays used to be my worst time of year mood wise but I'm kinda over it now. The money still stresses me out 'some' but the rest I could care less about. There is just so much pressure and in the end it never turns out like I planned so what's the point? Is it really worth bickering over?

An example my husband still wanted to do some big Thanksgiving dinner despite the fact that he's out of town for 11 weeks and he was only home for a couple of days. He even invited a friend over. Are you kidding me? I took a deep breath and rolled with it. I cooked everything 2 days ahead of time and just reheated it. Crisis averted. :)

In the past I probably would have started WWIII over it. This time I didn't. Nope put a smile on my face and kept oh so quiet. Oh and when it was over then he admitted he probably shouldn't have invited the friend over. LOL
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Holidays used to be my worst time of year mood wise but I'm kinda over it now. The money still stresses me out 'some' but the rest I could care less about. There is just so much pressure and in the end it never turns out like I planned so what's the point? Is it really worth bickering over?

An example my husband still wanted to do some big Thanksgiving dinner despite the fact that he's out of town for 11 weeks and he was only home for a couple of days. He even invited a friend over. Are you kidding me? I took a deep breath and rolled with it. I cooked everything 2 days ahead of time and just reheated it. Crisis averted. :)

In the past I probably would have started WWIII over it. This time I didn't. Nope put a smile on my face and kept oh so quiet. Oh and when it was over then he admitted he probably shouldn't have invited the friend over. LOL
I'm sorry your Thanksgiving was so bad. We got together with family as we always do. Now we are back home and it is how decorating time. I care more about it than she does, so I know that most of it is up to me. She actually did help a little which was nice. It is one of those things that I wish we did more together though. But, no.
 

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I'm sorry your Thanksgiving was so bad. We got together with family as we always do. Now we are back home and it is how decorating time. I care more about it than she does, so I know that most of it is up to me. She actually did help a little which was nice. It is one of those things that I wish we did more together though. But, no.
Oh no it wasn't bad. Not at all. I found a solution to my problem. I wanted to spend the day with my husband not in the kitchen so I cooked ahead of time. The friend wasn't here long so he didn't bother me.

And on decorating I always do it on my own with the kids. It's always been that way. It's not really his thing and that's okay I know he still enjoys it even if he doesn't help.

I've come to a level of acceptance. I used to get annoyed when he didn't help decorate but then I thought what does it matter? These days I let my kids do it. My trees look just like children did it but oh well I'm over that too. At least I didn't have to do it. LOL
 

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I used to drive myself absolutely crazy trying to create a Martha Stewart Christmas for my kids, mailing just the right gift to all of our family members scattered across the country, baking a gingerbread house from scratch, keeping track of Christmas cards, etc.

Then one year the light bulb went off. People really don't care about all of this effort. Who remembers what they got last year for Christmas? So I stopped doing so much. No more gingerbread house. No more Christmas cards, except to a few people. No more travelling. Gift baskets and gift certificates instead of mailing packages. Stay within a budget. Now I enjoy Christmas, and I have not heard a single complaint from anyone (not that I would pay attention anyway!).

Cut way back and relax. The best gift you can give your family is a calm atmosphere at home.
 

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I think that's my mom's problem. She's ALWAYS a turd during Christmas. In her mind,she pictures something COMPLETELY different than what actually happens.

I just flow. And drink the eggnog ;)
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Oh no it wasn't bad. Not at all. I found a solution to my problem. I wanted to spend the day with my husband not in the kitchen so I cooked ahead of time. The friend wasn't here long so he didn't bother me.

And on decorating I always do it on my own with the kids. It's always been that way. It's not really his thing and that's okay I know he still enjoys it even if he doesn't help.

I've come to a level of acceptance. I used to get annoyed when he didn't help decorate but then I thought what does it matter? These days I let my kids do it. My trees look just like children did it but oh well I'm over that too. At least I didn't have to do it. LOL
It is different if you have kids, we do not.
Do you not get together with other extended family for the holidays? I love spending time with family.
 

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its prob different if you dont have kids, but we have always had kids, and i have only my mom in the same city and state, and my husband has about 100+ family members who all live in the same city.

so guess where we would go...for 2 years we did the thanksgiving/christmas rounds at his moms house, and other relatives would pop by for a few minutes. we hated it. either the people who cooked couldnt cook for sh!t, or they dont ever cook.

we sat on the couch, while the little kids ran by us and threw stuff around, and made noise...by us...we hated it, but we got guilted into going. his dads side of the family was worse. they are very religous and we had a baby underage...yea, they lined up to talk to us....

we were not allowed to watch tv, not even a family movie, we were not allowed to leave the house, even though we were grown, it was just strange, and they didnt have a tree or even had christmas music playing either.

we just dont get involved with hoildays, we dont cook, we just let them slide by. why, the kids get toys and clothes, they go outside to play, they get time off from school....what more do kids need, day light to ride bikes, and time off from school.

i dont think a few days in the year is a reason to jump through hoops. we eat roast chicken, turkey, glazed ham, sweet potatoes, squash, i make the same awesome mashed potatoes every time, we have fancy rolls weekly, i make kick ass corn bread....all year.

we have fun all year and make special memories all the time, i dont like going over someones house and not being treated well or i am so uncomfortable being there, im just clock watching the whole time im there.

i like being at home, with the kids running in and out, watching movies, and not jumping up to go running in the kitchen every 15 minutes, for 10 hours. sometimes husband works, so i will go meet him when hes off.
 

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We really enjoy the holidays, we like bonding with family. We host thanksgiving and christmas as best we can. Its a huge relief for my mom (and by proxy anyone near her) that she doesn't have to worry about all the cooking and cleaning.

The downside is that not all the family comes, my sister isn't welcome bc we can never know if she's going to be clean or not and my brother may or may not throw some adult tantrum. I miss them, and I know everyone else wants them to be there (especially my sisters 3 kids who stay w my parents) but we all know why they aren't around, and we also remember previous holidays when one or both has caused terrible scenes.
So, the biggest stress is really planning, who will be celebrating where and when and what is the likelihood of some stupid blowup.
 

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Ok, well I admit I don't put half as much effort into Christmas as some of you guys do.
We have a tree that we pull out of a box, whack a few decorations on & that is it. I have not sent cards for years. Why go to the expense when people just toss them after Christmas?
Food, we usually just have a BBQ with salad. Used to do the big food thing, then one year we had a BBQ & everyone loved that so much that is what we now do. I have convinced my mother to do this at her place this year as well. May as well, it is hot here at Christmas time..
We are not even doing presents this year. We are going to stay with my parents in the largest city in Australia, Sydney, so we are going to save our pennies & go to the Boxing Day sales. We are all looking forward to the chaotic crowds all seeking a bargain.
My biggest stress will be sitting down with my H to work out how much money we will be giving the kids to spend & how much I can have to spend. He is the main breadwinner, I don't earn enough to supplement Christmas & will not earn anything for the week we are away.
 
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