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Hit a roadblock in our reconciliation - need advise

12K views 56 replies 21 participants last post by  KanDo 
good stuff as usual from AC/TP.

only thing i get from quickie read here is that barring psych
diagnosis re: yer W, She should cut u some slack for yer
little (?) outburst, unless u were over the top in any way
cussing etc. i think AC hinted at this.

o/wise i'd be concerned bout her copping "the guilty plea" stuff.

then again, i'd be concerned re: 20yrs, 3guys, and a whole lotta
cheatin, lying, hiding-secrecy affecting both our feelings/love
trust, other issues etc.

but thats just me.

shalom...........
 
wow, too much.

i agree w/ afeh on this one. i mean c'mon man, 20yrs worth
of deception. i wont elaborate as many have here already,
including yerself.

i'm surprised some "mature" folk posted pro WS material here
tho'.....very surprised.

if i were a MC counseling you, i'd say some of what u r already
dealing with. anger outbursts; trust issues; how to deal with
'em etc. no guilt nec to HEAP upon you, in addition to what u
r already dealing with. I'd place spirituality as key to yer peace
of mind, survival, and overcoming this tragic experience.

if i were her MC, i'd be getting at IF she is truly sorry/repentent
for what she did to you, herself, the Union, and most of all, God.

if she indeed were, her actions/deeds would show it, not just a
lot of LIP Service, like so many do. I'd tell her she needs to have a heart of understanding towards you and yer anger-pain-trust related outbursts. instead of her reacting to them, she could use trigger phrases you've both agreed upon, to relieve the tension of the moment.

if she were'nt really sorry/repentant for deceiveing you, then
we would have to investigate the whys/why not. in fact, we'd
have to investigate this area even if she were sorry/repent for
it could raise its ugly head again or in other harmful ways.

i think, unless u were some kinda control freak/tyrant or some such, the balance of "the to do list" should be on the WS not the victim. Not that u dont have some work yerself to do, but
i'm sick of reading here from some folk that the BS has to
carry the load on too many fronts cause the Marriage almost
becomes like a sacred cow itself, and must be maintained at any
cost, when one party is willing to SUFFER the ordeal.

i think that is a recipie for disaster, to the BS, that is.
Marriage must be consentual, if not perfectly balanced at all
times.

[key note: i banged this out. no prior drafts. hope i covered major angles here. if u shoot, shoot straight...lol]

shalom............
 
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