"Before we start, I want you to understand that I'm not trying to control you. I just need you to understand how some things make me feel
and the boundaries that I must have to be in this relationship. If you don't want to abide by these boundaries, that is your choice and
I cannot change that, but every relationship has to have boundaries, and we both have some already that we need to work on. Some
important ones are:
I don't feel loved when you talk with your exes, and I don't think you would either. It's not too much to ask that you don't talk to
your former lovers and people you've had sex with. You wanted me not to talk to people who I never even had sex with, and knowing that
you and someone shared that once is very hurtful. I am only yours and always will be, but it's a constant reminder to me when you talk
to these past lovers that you have not only been mine. I really don't want you to be offended by that, but there is no other way to
show you how I really feel.
Hiding things is also something that is a big problem in our relationship. I don't want you to hide it when you are hurt by something I
say, because then I can't fix it. I also don't want you to hide things you say to other people, because that means you that it would
be hurtful to me, and if you loved me then you wouldn't do it. I want full honesty and transparencey in this relationship, from you and
I will offer you the same thing. If one of us is saying things to other people, i don't want the other to ever have to doubt or assume
that it is the worst thing possible, which is what happens with secrets and when we hide things from each other. I realized recently
that you have been hiding the brandon thing for some time because the last I knew you were saying brandon wouldn't talk to you or was
hurt when terry would mention him. Now I find out you have been sharing all kinds of personal things about our relationship and talking
with him more than pretty much anyone. If you think about this situation turned on you, it's worse than the linda thing. I'm not trying
to make you feel bad or anything or get on you, but I just want you to think how it makes me feel and how it would make you feel.
As far as terry, that is just something that is going to take more time, and me and you need to be in a better place in our relationship
before I can really handle it. I think this is more than fair as you did hurt me deeply with her and I think that gives me a right to
have you consider my feelings and move at my pace. I can't control my hurt and thus it seems only fair I don't have to endure any more
pain than I have to.
I am hesitant to move to Cali, but have come to the point where I will do it for you, but it needs to be to a point where I don't stand
to lose everything. I need full custody so that I can feel confident in moving down there that if things get rough you will not simply
jump ship and leave me, and if you do give up on us, that at least I can take care of Evie, which you know is very important to me.
I'd be giving up everything I wasnt willing to only because I love you and want things to work, but say you are happy there and Im not,
you would probably just stay there. And if that's what you have to do to be happy, then so be it, but I want
to have one good part left out of our relationship."
He always says i make him sound bad when i talk to my friends about our relationship, i was hiding what i was venting. I feel like i cant tell anything to him without him flipping out or turning it around on me.
The brandon guy who i dated briefly 7 years ago is now dating my best friend terry.
Me and my current bf had a long distance relationship where i had cheated on him with my best friend terry, i was young and bi-curious. I had cheated on him several other times in the first week i got with him because i viewed him as an online relationship that nothing would ever come out of, mentality of 17 year old.
I've been with him for over 5 years now, we have a child. The linda thing is when he messaged an ex of his trying to get her back by while i was pregnant. He was saying he was single with just his dog and how depressed he was.
I have not hinted, made any effort, not want to pursue a relationship with brandon nor anyone else, nor does he want to pursue one with me. He is just an old friend just like my best friend terry, i couldnt imagine a life without her. I had stopped talking to her(and every other friend) for pretty much our entire relationship or 5 years until recently.
I had just got fed up with not having anyone to talk to about how he was treating me. Ever since i started talking to her he has flipped his attitude. Saying i needed to spend more time with him. He has been buying me lots of stuff which he has never ever ever done before.
I have had trouble making friends in this new area for the last 5 years. I havent left the house without him the entire time i've been with him. he said he would be fine with me hanging out with friends since the last time he didnt want me to hang out with two girls who where lesbians, because they where lesbians. he said i could go but got moody about it and it had stipulations attatched so i ended up canceling. I made a friend at work and she wanted to take me out to go shopping and he says "oh i was going to take you out on a special date, i was going to do something special for you" i told him i had 2 days off before that we could spend together. he ended up huffly saying no its fine you can go.
He has never taken me out on a date(EVER) so i was suprised that the only random day i picked to hang out with my new friend he says he has something special planned and going out.
I was witholding sex due to bleeding problems and he was getting moody over it. When i then demanded more passionate sex rather then wham bam 10 minutes for him every other day sex he got defensive. He says my bleeding is effecting me hormonally, that i needed to get check out. He sais that for more passionate sex i had to switch my schedule at work to have more time with him because he cant fit it in, or i had to just give him his ****ty sex or leave the relationship because he cant do less sex with more romance to it.
We broke up for like 10 minutes he ranted on fb then came in and said he would like to try at the relationship, that i needed to tell him how i felt more because he would say mean things and he said he was always joking. His action are also cruel, he left me and my child to walk for 10 minutes in the cold instead of driving us one more block to our place. He said "if you would have told me it was such a big deal i would have dropped you off" He wanted me to go to the store with him and i declined so he said he would just leave me at the end of the block. I figured its pretty much showing how much he cares about me and our child to do that.
Im really trying to give this another shot, but every day i keep doubting myself and remembering the ways he's showed me how much he didnt care. Despite what he says about loving me, his actions in the past say no.
He told me he had a chance to cheat on me while i was declining him sex while bleeding and he didnt take it(craigslist hookers?) why was he even looking?
He has said he would kill me if i ever took his daughter away from him. He is planning on buying a gun to go deer hunting he says. I dont feel safe with a gun in the house and him saying this. when i asked him about it he said he wasnt sure what he would do if he lost our daughter, maybe he would kill me, or himself.
He said that i wouldnt be a good parent to her solo and he would prove i had mental problems. Then after we make up he says im a wonderful mother?
He says i dont tell the full story to my friends and there by make him sound bad. perhaps try and take this from his side(hard because you dont get much into it but his message to me) Ask any questions about him i will answer.
thanks for reading all of this.
and the boundaries that I must have to be in this relationship. If you don't want to abide by these boundaries, that is your choice and
I cannot change that, but every relationship has to have boundaries, and we both have some already that we need to work on. Some
important ones are:
I don't feel loved when you talk with your exes, and I don't think you would either. It's not too much to ask that you don't talk to
your former lovers and people you've had sex with. You wanted me not to talk to people who I never even had sex with, and knowing that
you and someone shared that once is very hurtful. I am only yours and always will be, but it's a constant reminder to me when you talk
to these past lovers that you have not only been mine. I really don't want you to be offended by that, but there is no other way to
show you how I really feel.
Hiding things is also something that is a big problem in our relationship. I don't want you to hide it when you are hurt by something I
say, because then I can't fix it. I also don't want you to hide things you say to other people, because that means you that it would
be hurtful to me, and if you loved me then you wouldn't do it. I want full honesty and transparencey in this relationship, from you and
I will offer you the same thing. If one of us is saying things to other people, i don't want the other to ever have to doubt or assume
that it is the worst thing possible, which is what happens with secrets and when we hide things from each other. I realized recently
that you have been hiding the brandon thing for some time because the last I knew you were saying brandon wouldn't talk to you or was
hurt when terry would mention him. Now I find out you have been sharing all kinds of personal things about our relationship and talking
with him more than pretty much anyone. If you think about this situation turned on you, it's worse than the linda thing. I'm not trying
to make you feel bad or anything or get on you, but I just want you to think how it makes me feel and how it would make you feel.
As far as terry, that is just something that is going to take more time, and me and you need to be in a better place in our relationship
before I can really handle it. I think this is more than fair as you did hurt me deeply with her and I think that gives me a right to
have you consider my feelings and move at my pace. I can't control my hurt and thus it seems only fair I don't have to endure any more
pain than I have to.
I am hesitant to move to Cali, but have come to the point where I will do it for you, but it needs to be to a point where I don't stand
to lose everything. I need full custody so that I can feel confident in moving down there that if things get rough you will not simply
jump ship and leave me, and if you do give up on us, that at least I can take care of Evie, which you know is very important to me.
I'd be giving up everything I wasnt willing to only because I love you and want things to work, but say you are happy there and Im not,
you would probably just stay there. And if that's what you have to do to be happy, then so be it, but I want
to have one good part left out of our relationship."
He always says i make him sound bad when i talk to my friends about our relationship, i was hiding what i was venting. I feel like i cant tell anything to him without him flipping out or turning it around on me.
The brandon guy who i dated briefly 7 years ago is now dating my best friend terry.
Me and my current bf had a long distance relationship where i had cheated on him with my best friend terry, i was young and bi-curious. I had cheated on him several other times in the first week i got with him because i viewed him as an online relationship that nothing would ever come out of, mentality of 17 year old.
I've been with him for over 5 years now, we have a child. The linda thing is when he messaged an ex of his trying to get her back by while i was pregnant. He was saying he was single with just his dog and how depressed he was.
I have not hinted, made any effort, not want to pursue a relationship with brandon nor anyone else, nor does he want to pursue one with me. He is just an old friend just like my best friend terry, i couldnt imagine a life without her. I had stopped talking to her(and every other friend) for pretty much our entire relationship or 5 years until recently.
I had just got fed up with not having anyone to talk to about how he was treating me. Ever since i started talking to her he has flipped his attitude. Saying i needed to spend more time with him. He has been buying me lots of stuff which he has never ever ever done before.
I have had trouble making friends in this new area for the last 5 years. I havent left the house without him the entire time i've been with him. he said he would be fine with me hanging out with friends since the last time he didnt want me to hang out with two girls who where lesbians, because they where lesbians. he said i could go but got moody about it and it had stipulations attatched so i ended up canceling. I made a friend at work and she wanted to take me out to go shopping and he says "oh i was going to take you out on a special date, i was going to do something special for you" i told him i had 2 days off before that we could spend together. he ended up huffly saying no its fine you can go.
He has never taken me out on a date(EVER) so i was suprised that the only random day i picked to hang out with my new friend he says he has something special planned and going out.
I was witholding sex due to bleeding problems and he was getting moody over it. When i then demanded more passionate sex rather then wham bam 10 minutes for him every other day sex he got defensive. He says my bleeding is effecting me hormonally, that i needed to get check out. He sais that for more passionate sex i had to switch my schedule at work to have more time with him because he cant fit it in, or i had to just give him his ****ty sex or leave the relationship because he cant do less sex with more romance to it.
We broke up for like 10 minutes he ranted on fb then came in and said he would like to try at the relationship, that i needed to tell him how i felt more because he would say mean things and he said he was always joking. His action are also cruel, he left me and my child to walk for 10 minutes in the cold instead of driving us one more block to our place. He said "if you would have told me it was such a big deal i would have dropped you off" He wanted me to go to the store with him and i declined so he said he would just leave me at the end of the block. I figured its pretty much showing how much he cares about me and our child to do that.
Im really trying to give this another shot, but every day i keep doubting myself and remembering the ways he's showed me how much he didnt care. Despite what he says about loving me, his actions in the past say no.
He told me he had a chance to cheat on me while i was declining him sex while bleeding and he didnt take it(craigslist hookers?) why was he even looking?
He has said he would kill me if i ever took his daughter away from him. He is planning on buying a gun to go deer hunting he says. I dont feel safe with a gun in the house and him saying this. when i asked him about it he said he wasnt sure what he would do if he lost our daughter, maybe he would kill me, or himself.
He said that i wouldnt be a good parent to her solo and he would prove i had mental problems. Then after we make up he says im a wonderful mother?
He says i dont tell the full story to my friends and there by make him sound bad. perhaps try and take this from his side(hard because you dont get much into it but his message to me) Ask any questions about him i will answer.
thanks for reading all of this.
immmmm readayyyyy, well still need to get my make up on...
