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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
She is supposed to pay for the kids' day camp when they are with us. She has paid 100 bucks and keeps promising to pay more. In the meantime she has got three tattoos, bought expensive gifts for her bf, always has money to party and is getting the kids expensive Xmas presents.
We are hurting and my h is upset about it. Last night I tried to initiate and he turned me down because he is worried about money.
I have asked him repeatedly to take legal action and he always has an excuse.
It is in their parenting Plan that she will pay this.
He gets a free lawyer consult through his work.
So now this is affecting me directly.
I told him I am going to start working over time and he said ok then he complained that I'm working late. I just feel like if he's not going to do something and take action to improve our situation then I will.
She owes us 3k. He says she doesn't have the money and we won't be able to get it. They can garnish her wages and obviously she does have the money.
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She is supposed to pay for the kids' day camp when they are with us. She has paid 100 bucks and keeps promising to pay more. In the meantime she has got three tattoos, bought expensive gifts for her bf, always has money to party and is getting the kids expensive Xmas presents.
We are hurting and my h is upset about it. Last night I tried to initiate and he turned me down because he is worried about money.
I have asked him repeatedly to take legal action and he always has an excuse.
It is in their parenting Plan that she will pay this.
He gets a free lawyer consult through his work.
So now this is affecting me directly.
I told him I am going to start working over time and he said ok then he complained that I'm working late. I just feel like if he's not going to do something and take action to improve our situation then I will.
She owes us 3k. He says she doesn't have the money and we won't be able to get it. They can garnish her wages and obviously she does have the money.
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A couple points need to clarified here.
1. Do you have children as well to support?
2. Where you are living, how do the courts see the contribution from the new partner? For example, does just living with the non custodial parent make a differnce in the amounts require for child support? Is it only the married partner's wealth that can affect the non custodial parent's payments?

Also be honest --and generous with yourself. Do you want children and are you worried that this arrangement makes it difficult for you to have your own children.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Yes I have a child of my own to support as well, and no they don't take the new partner's income into consideration.
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I have asked him repeatedly to take legal action and he always has an excuse.

I told him I am going to start working over time
He's never going to be the man you want him to be if you keep trying to fix HIS problems. Focus on what YOU need to do for you and your kid NICELY and leave him to figure this out on his own.

Anything less and he will feel shamed by you.
 

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He's never going to be the man you want him to be if you keep trying to fix HIS problems. Focus on what YOU need to do for you and your kid NICELY and leave him to figure this out on his own.

Anything less and he will feel shamed by you.
While I agree with this concept, I'm not sure this is the best action as she has been prompting him to do something and he is simply doing.... nothing.

Though Mavesh is correct, you can't force your husband to do anything, he has to want to fix this. The fact that he isn't may mean he doesn't see a problem in her owing you both money.

Does he have some sort of guilt remaining between them? Over the kids perhaps?

If he and you cannot discuss this just between the two of you, you may want to bring in a 3rd party. Perhaps a counselor?
 

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Discussion Starter #7
We are in counseling and she just says he isn't confrontational and I'm angry, and I need to find ways to not be so angry.
We haven't talked about this exact situation but his ex in general.
We were texting earlier and untold him nicely that I feel like its not fair that I have to work overtime so that she can afford her lifestyle. That means I have less time with the family. I told him I can't make him do anything, all I can do is what I can control.
Our money is pooled and shared by the way.
He didn't say much about it and then he said that he is trying to figure out what kind of court we need and he's going to send her a demand letter.
He's never going to be a confronter. If he doesn't take action I might suggest that we find a different way to divide our funds and pay bills.
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Discussion Starter #8
Oh wonderful. He dropped the kids off and she has a new car. Then she posted on fb about how she bought a brand new car for the first time in her life. He took a screen shot and he's calling a lawyer tomorrow. He's behind on cs by a month buts cause she won't pay and he's worried that he is going to get in trouble. She owes him twice as much as he is behind.
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A lawyer is his best bet here, before he gets in legal trouble.

Keep as much in records as you can to show that she's not hurting financiall by is not paying her fair share.

Suggest that he asks the courts to readjust child support to pay him back for what she has not paid him and to make it so that he can reduce his support permanently for the amount of the camp... like spreading it over 12 months so he can pay for the summer months.
 

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If he is behind on CS then clearly his contribution is not supporting her life.

Firstly you partnered with a man with children, you have to learn to live with what comes with that.
You cannot control what he does and this is his issue not yours (although yes it is indirectly but it is really between them).

How do you know that she is buying all this stuff herself? Maybe her bf is buying the gifts for the kids etc. Is the ex telling you directly that she is buying these things with her own money or are you making assumptions?
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Her bf doesn't make much money and he pays for support for his two kids. Everything she spends money on is for her, it's really sad the life her kids lead. I can't even get into it because it upsets me.
From what we have both been told, child support is completely separate from other amounts paid for things like child care, extra curriculars, health insurance, etc. The court won't reduce support based on amount owed by the other parent.
I could be wrong. He is going to ask a lawyer tomorrow.
We share our money and after he pays support and I get my support from my ex I am bringing more into the house than him. I am fine with that but at the same time I agreed to that with the understanding that he would take care of business if she didn't hold up her end of the deal. So I feel like he is letting her get away with something and I'm footing the bill.
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Yes you are footing the bill. That is what happens when you marry a guy who pays child support and has an ex like he has.

But I can see her reasoning in not paying the summer bill... he's not holding up his part by paying child support.

I married a guy with 2 children. They were 10 & 12 when I married him. He had a good job and then lost it in the 2nd year of marriage. His ex did not pay any support. I ended up raising those kids. I'm royally pissed at him and his ex. Neither has ever offered to help with the cost of raising their kids. AT some point I made the choice to continue because I cannot throw chidlren out in the street because they have dead beat parents.. even if i'm married to one of those dead beat parents.

The kids are in their 20's now. They are as much my children as my son is. They know who stuck by them when they were growing up...

This is a choice you have to make. Either you agree to continue as it is with you putting a lot of resources towards his children or you leave and take care of just you and your own child. It's your choice.

You married a man who does not carry his weight financially. You chose to do this. Now you are complaining. So decide what you are going to do, stay or go, and then don't complain about the choice you make.. live by it.

So if her new partner does not make much and she does not either... how is she buying new cars etc?
 

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Discussion Starter #13
No he paid his support on time until she refused to pay for the summer camp. Then we couldn't afford it and kept getting behind a little every month. Again, she owes us twice what he owes her.
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Your husband's attorney is likely to say he can file a suit for non-compliance with the court orders, but that collecting is next to impossible if he wins. He might do just as well to file for custody himself.

My husband's ex owes him something like $42,000 in back support. He let it go because he feels he supports his daughter adequately and wants her to have a relationship with her mother.

I can see both sides, but I get mad. The mother buys the daughter stuff all the time, so daughter thinks she's this great friend (who just happened to disappear from daughter's life for over a decade!) while dad has to be more careful and can't take her on shopping sprees every other weekend.

Whatever decisions you and your husband make, I hope you'll put the children at the front of it. How will the decision affect them and their relationships with each parent?
 

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I don't understand why one parent lets the other parent get away with not paying child support.

If someone else you knew owed you 46k would he just let it slide? Probably not.

How many college courses for your daughter would 46k buy? Oh wait! I guess you are going to be out 92k now! The 46k she owes you, plus the 46k you would have used that cash for higher learning that now comes out of your pocket.
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