Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 3 of 3 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hello, basically we have been together 6yrs in Oct and have a 2yr old little girl.
He has major debt issues and i have major trust issues.
He doesn't tell me when he cant make the rent or when he spends money on things he shouldn't.
I have been though the snoop stage but after finding out about things he was telling his friends that were lies (Like our TV broke and he couldn't play live xbox anymore, so instead of saying the TV broke he tells them he sold his TV to pay for his dads medical bills) i told him to change his g mail password (Face palm).
I sometimes checked his phone, but suddenly there's a pin lock on it now. When confronted, he had no reason for it. After finding out about some more loan issues i asked if that's why he locked his phone and he admitted to not wanting me to see the loan sms`s, yet there is still a lock on it now.
We have had issues in the past (More than a year ago) with his ex still being in contact and him texting this other girl, but i don't think i need to worry too much there...
My question is this...due to all the lies and stuff i don't know what my feelings for him are right now? Can i still love him? Did i ever? I know we shouldn't stay together because of our daughter but i cant afford to leave on my own and no one can help me financially.
I`ve told him a few times i`ll stay and work on it but i think he is too used to that response because we end up back at square 1 every time.
I`m so confused...Can i build up my trust for him? Can i validate asking him to leave his phone unlocked and give me his password? But even then, i`ll still be thinking "He could be using his company email address" or "he`s probably deleting the messages before he gets home"...talk about conspiracy theories...
Please help!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,242 Posts
Hello, basically we have been together 6yrs in Oct and have a 2yr old little girl.
He has major debt issues and i have major trust issues.
He doesn't tell me when he cant make the rent or when he spends money on things he shouldn't.
I have been though the snoop stage but after finding out about things he was telling his friends that were lies (Like our TV broke and he couldn't play live xbox anymore, so instead of saying the TV broke he tells them he sold his TV to pay for his dads medical bills) i told him to change his g mail password (Face palm).
I sometimes checked his phone, but suddenly there's a pin lock on it now. When confronted, he had no reason for it. After finding out about some more loan issues i asked if that's why he locked his phone and he admitted to not wanting me to see the loan sms`s, yet there is still a lock on it now.
We have had issues in the past (More than a year ago) with his ex still being in contact and him texting this other girl, but i don't think i need to worry too much there...
My question is this...due to all the lies and stuff i don't know what my feelings for him are right now? Can i still love him? Did i ever? I know we shouldn't stay together because of our daughter but i cant afford to leave on my own and no one can help me financially.
I`ve told him a few times i`ll stay and work on it but i think he is too used to that response because we end up back at square 1 every time.
I`m so confused...Can i build up my trust for him? Can i validate asking him to leave his phone unlocked and give me his password? But even then, i`ll still be thinking "He could be using his company email address" or "he`s probably deleting the messages before he gets home"...talk about conspiracy theories...
Please help!
Without trust, you have no marriage. That being said, he needs to be open and honest with you, no secrets. It takes two to make a marriage.

You will not be able to build trust unless he is open with you. You, as his wife, have a right to know everything; passwords, where the money is going, etc. Since he is obviously hiding things from you, and since you have caught him lying to you, then it stands to reason that you are now suspicious of his activities.

And sadly, if worst comes to worst, you may have to seriously consider creating a financial environment in which you can leave. Remember that, should you separate, he will have to pay child support and some spousal maintenance until such time you can support yourself. Also, there are many Government programs for single parents. You are not alone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Without trust, you have no marriage. That being said, he needs to be open and honest with you, no secrets. It takes two to make a marriage.

You will not be able to build trust unless he is open with you. You, as his wife, have a right to know everything; passwords, where the money is going, etc. Since he is obviously hiding things from you, and since you have caught him lying to you, then it stands to reason that you are now suspicious of his activities.

And sadly, if worst comes to worst, you may have to seriously consider creating a financial environment in which you can leave. Remember that, should you separate, he will have to pay child support and some spousal maintenance until such time you can support yourself. Also, there are many Government programs for single parents. You are not alone.
I agree that without trust you don't have a marriage and just like it takes 2 people to have marriage and a child, it will take 2 to fix the marriage. He will have to disclose everything to you and be honest for you to gain your trust back. Marriage is sharing so why should there be secrets? If all fails, trust yourself! If you have to leave him all will work out for you.

My first marriage didn't work out (bodybuilder-steroid habit). I remember being so scared and even my parents thinking I would never be able to handle life and finances on my own with 2 children. I made up my mind that I was leaving him. I found government programs, bought my own house (still living in this house after 10 yrs) and found Love again. If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don't need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices. Keep the Faith.
 
1 - 3 of 3 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top