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Discussion Starter #22
Maybe you should let him COMPLETE his separation and then try to maybe start things up after? It will give you both some much needed space to consider the relationship
Good suggestion, but how should I phrase this given he technically broke it off over text last week?
 

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Well, I GUESS that since you are broken up already, maybe there is no issue -- just stop talking with him.
You COULD tell him that you want to be considerate of his situation, and that you are going to give him the space he needs to complete his separation. This way, you aren't stressing him out and he can focus on doing that.
THEN when complete, he can let you know and maybe you will get back together. Of course by then, you may (hopefully) have moved on to an actual adult.
 

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Discussion Starter #25
Well, I GUESS that since you are broken up already, maybe there is no issue -- just stop talking with him.
You COULD tell him that you want to be considerate of his situation, and that you are going to give him the space he needs to complete his separation. This way, you aren't stressing him out and he can focus on doing that.
THEN when complete, he can let you know and maybe you will get back together. Of course by then, you may (hopefully) have moved on to an actual adult.
He keeps contacting me. I guess in the hopes that I’ll ask him to take me back but he has not offered an apology for breaking it off so abruptly. So I shouldn’t address the break up and just say we should take some space to think about things and so he can focus on his separation and then see? It kinda takes him off the hook for blowing up like that though.
 

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Here is a plan for you to see the truth about him (which is that he has a temper, he is controlling, and not a nice person):

Stop responding to him at all, he will either:

Be contrite and apologetic at which time you can work through what happened and evaluate a future. (not going to happen)

Be even more angry, lash out at you, and double break up.(most likely)
 

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Discussion Starter #28
Here is a plan for you to see the truth about him (which is that he has a temper, he is controlling, and not a nice person):

Stop responding to him at all, he will either:

Be contrite and apologetic at which time you can work through what happened and evaluate a future. (not going to happen)

Be even more angry, lash out at you, and double break up.(most likely)
Ok maybe I’ll try going no contact and see what happens. I have a feeling it’s the latter as well.
 

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Late to this thread, but in case you get back together explain that not every crime warrants the death penalty, and that every day reasonable couples deal with problems and don't break up and that he has to get w/ the program or else.

If he is willing to learn, make sure he knows how to register a complaint w/o going nuclear. If he really gets that angry over little stuff, he needs to do IC for anger management. And the next time he breaks up with you is the last time.
 

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Was he married before and if so why did he divorce.
You need to be very cautious with this guy, if at all possible try and find out has he ever been physically abusive to an ex.
Some places post court records and you can look up what court actions someone has been involved in.
A friend of mine runs self defense classes at my gym for women who have been abused by their partners,and some of their stories started like yours. It would eventually become physical abuse, not just verbal.
Did you mean to type "could eventually" instead of "would eventually"? I'd agree that it could, but I don't think any of us can say for certain it "would".
 

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Discussion Starter #33
Was he married before and if so why did he divorce.
You need to be very cautious with this guy, if at all possible try and find out has he ever been physically abusive to an ex.
Some places post court records and you can look up what court actions someone has been involved in.
A friend of mine runs self defense classes at my gym for women who have been abused by their partners,and some of their stories started like yours. It would eventually become physical abuse, not just verbal.
Did you mean to type "could eventually" instead of "would eventually"? I'd agree that it could, but I don't think any of us can say for certain it "would".
Oh wow you really think this is indicative of abuse? I see it more as immaturity but maybe I’m too naive.
 

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Some places post court records and you can look up what court actions someone has been involved in.
Did you mean to type "could eventually" instead of "would eventually"? I'd agree that it could, but I don't think any of us can say for certain it "would".
I said “some” of their stories started like the op’s.
 

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Discussion Starter #35
Late to this thread, but in case you get back together explain that not every crime warrants the death penalty, and that every day reasonable couples deal with problems and don't break up and that he has to get w/ the program or else.

If he is willing to learn, make sure he knows how to register a complaint w/o going nuclear. If he really gets that angry over little stuff, he needs to do IC for anger management. And the next time he breaks up with you is the last time.
Ok thank you. My ex used to irritate me And vice versa but we’d never threaten with divorce. I think he knows the behaviour is wrong too but he can’t admit it and say sorry which bothers me.
 

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Discussion Starter #36
I really appreciate all the replies and support 🤗He was making me second guess my feelings.

I’m thinking I’ll go no contact as was suggested. If he comes back with an apology and not more anger then I’ll try to work it out with him.
 

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KB, may I suggest you go back and read all your posts, then think of how you would counsel someone in this situation. Then read the posts of others, I bet it will be a real eye opener.

Hoping for a good outcome for you.

OT
 

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I said “some” of their stories started like the op’s.
Sure, some abusers start out like him, other abusers start out different.

What I wasn't clear on was whether you thought all people who start out like him wind up abusers. i wouldn't guess all of them do, but I don't know.
 
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