So to put it all in a nutshell. Your wife doesn't bend over, you will do whatever it takes to get your needs met (including cheating) and in spite of your delusional statement about being committed to marriage, you are really only committed to this marriage because you might be taken to the cleaners financially if you divorce. It is amazing how people like you lie to yourself. You are in denial. Everything here is about YOU YOU and YOU some more. You don't give a **** about the kids, because the relationship with their mother has changed and they will know it.Yes I outsourced, but it is mostly physical, not emotional. I don't think about this person all the time and I don't text her either in ways that people get caught. I'm not thinking of a future with this person. It is not someone I am friends with.
I'm not looking validation or sympathy of what I am doing. And if this will blow up in front in my face, I will deal with that too. If I decided to go thru for a divorce, it will cost me financially and right now and it will probably ruin my chances for early retirement.
Maybe you and I have a different view of Marriage. I want to stay because I have a commitment for the kids, and not for my W.
Be a man, own your ****! I assume you have gone through your 16-year marriage blaming your wife, how much effort have you actually put into the marriage, how much time have you given your wife. It obviously took effort to court and bed the OW, maybe if you spent more time watering your garden at home it would yield more.
You come across as a selfish self-centered human being, I really don't know what you want from us. Perhaps someone to slap you on the back and tell you you are doing the right thing?
Imagine explaining this to your own mother or your kids, how do you think it would sound. Time for you to stop thinking with your **** and start working on your inner man.
1. Tell your wife you want a divorce
2. Be honest and say you cheated, let the chips fall where they may
3. Explain to your kids (I am sure hey are old enough, that you don't love mummy anymore and you want to explore other gardens)
4. Your wife probably already knows, let her make the decision for you, hopefully, she will set you free.
5. Get a good lawyer and tell your wife to do the same
6. You are doing no one any favors by cheating and sneaking around, better you end the marriage so everyone can move on and be authentic