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There is only one instance of someone having lived a perfect life in this world. The rest of us? We have to deal with fact that we are half flesh and half spirit. That flesh part is what gets us all in trouble. Getting the spirit to control a billion years of physical instinct proves the unmaking of us all in one way or another. Thank God your spirit was strong enough when it had to be.
 

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If there was an instance I've ever seen here that sounds and looks like a GREAT chance for reconciliation ...... this is it.



Good Luck going forward to both of you !!!
With my W's few posts, I hope that some have seen a glimpse of the hope that I have. Again, if she wasn't truly remorseful, if she blamed me, if she wasn't truly invested in learning from what happened, if she wasn't truly concerned about my healing and my need for truth...all of this and more, really, then I wouldn't be here.

We have something that's worth fighting for. I know that we'll make it and we will be better for it, despite the pain and suffering.

Thanks for those that encouraged her along the way, and thanks to those that offered well-thought-out concerns. Both are very welcome.
 

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Wow! I'm away for a couple of days and look what happens:surprise: This will probably be last post for awhile. I need to continue on the road to healing and most importantly, supporting MM and HIS recovery, and right now this could be a potential stumbling block (triggers and so forth). Nothing too serious yet, but why risk setbacks? My DH seems to have cleared up a few things and took the liberty of answering some questions. We're on the same page so that's absolutely fine.

I'll take a quick stab at a few things here, then I bid you all farewell until a later date. I know that I can potentially help others, so I will be back. After all, that's one of my goals :smile2:

Yes, I obviously liked the attention. I enjoyed getting compliments about career the most, but I absolutely enjoyed having an accomplished surgeon tell me how beautiful I was. I enjoyed the flirting, and I even enjoyed some of the sexual talk for a season. However, when it became ONLY sex talk, I began to feel uncomfortable very quickly. When he attempted the kiss and then stayed only in the realm of sexual texts thereafter, I was looking to stop it. This is NOT to minimize the fact that I did enjoy the attention, it's to try to give you a glimpse inside my head, and perhaps more importantly, my heart.

Now, the million $$$ question, how am I so certain it never would've gone further? Let me clarify something. Based on how things were going with us, and him becoming more and more aggressive, I know there is no way, under THESE circumstances that I would have taken it physical. I also had at least one boundary in place- to make sure that no one ever got a HINT that we were texting and flirting. This meant that I absolutely had physical boundaries when at work.

Now, what would have happened had he NOT become aggressive, had he just continued complimenting my work and my looks and continued with the 'baby steps'? That's been a tough one to answer, and one that Mr MM grilled me over and interrogated me over to an extreme degree. And it's answer? I don't know. I think most rational, intelligent adults would surmise that something would've happened physically, if this path had been taken. BUT, that path was not taken, and I wasn't in that particular situation. My gut? I hope that I would still stop, that my morals and work ethic and my husband and everything else would have been enough, but my gut says it would have been possible, even probable, based on the above scenarios.

And this is something important and both scary at the same time: during my IC sessions and in reading Not Just Friends, it's been stated that for almost all women, the gap from talking and flirting to the first kiss is much wider than the gap from kiss to sexual contact or full blown intercourse. This shows me that him trying to kiss me and me being shocked and pushing him away is one of THE most important instances of this whole affair. If I had accepted, pulled him to me instead of pushing away, perhaps my DH would have been on here asking for D advice instead of R. It is absolutely something to not only ponder, but something to dig deeply into. Again, the affirmative answer? Unknown. Gut answer? Trouble was not only possible, but probable.

Hope that answers things for you all. I hate to live in the what if land, but we have and will continue to explore as needed. Again, thankful beyond measure that God provided a way out when He did. His timing was impeccable, and we both believe it shows that He has bigger and better plans for our relationship.

You answered that very well.

I think your awareness of the issues involved likely makes you an even safer partner as a result of your life experience.

Some will argue, and I might agree, that once someone cheats it is easier to do so again, but for some the opposite is true, and significantly so.

Typically repeat infidelity occures because there is some insecurity invloved, (Sometimes Family Of Origin Issues, like abuse, neglect etc), or there is a reluctance to take full responsibility, or the wayward partner still romanticizes their affair, ect.

It is a matter of character.

I can see your intention to confront and address any darkness of that kind. It speaks well of who you are as a person.

I am glad for both your sakes.

Mr.MM
You both have a unique "world view" that many will not understand. This was a "death" for you. Once grace enters any residual suffering is meant as a blessing for you (both). A reminder to you and a warning to others.

It is not an easy path, but I will leave you with this.

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body." 2Corinthians 4

"Alway carry it!"

I really wish you both well.
Take care!
 

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Thanks @Decorum

You touched on something that is heavy on both of our hearts and one of the reasons I'm still here- we can help others once we are in the right stage of this, and we know that good can and will come from this in time...a far better marriage and some learned truths that will hopefully save someone else.
 
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