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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Three boys at home. She’s seeing someone. Home life is toxic and I left last night. Thinking about Checking myself in due to idiations. Struggling to find hope.
 

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Three boys at home. She’s seeing someone. Home life is toxic and I left last night. Thinking about Checking myself in due to idiations. Struggling to find hope.
Ted, I’m really sorry you’re here and going through this.

I agree completely with you…if you‘re having those thoughts, you should check yourself in immediately. Don’t act on them.

Think about your kids…not your wife. Not yourself.
Think about their future. Pick up the phone and get help asap.
 

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How old are your sons man? As far as the cheating spouse goes , you have come to the right place. Lots of people on here have re-married and gone on to live much happier lives. They are also willing to help. Definitely think all about those 3 boys and how much they will need you.
 

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There are plenty of people here who can help you through the dark times. Stay strong!
 
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Hi Ted and welcome! I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now but we are here to listen and sometimes just sharing experiences no matter how grim, can be helpful. Hope you hang out with us!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
How old are your sons man? As far as the cheating spouse goes , you have come to the right place. Lots of people on here have re-married and gone on to live much happier lives. They are also willing to help. Definitely think all about those 3 boys and how much they will need you.
They are 13 5 and 4. The feelings of hopelessness come and go, but the environment I just left is toxic
 

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They are 13 5 and 4. The feelings of hopelessness come and go, but the environment I just left is toxic
Your boys need a role model now more than ever.

Your partner lost her privilege of being a role model by her choices and behavior. In fact, she showed what exactly a person shouldn't do while in a relationship and how it devastates the partner and the family.
 

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Three boys at home. She’s seeing someone. Home life is toxic and I left last night. Thinking about Checking myself in due to idiations. Struggling to find hope.
This is the right place for brainstorming for a better future.
 
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I know its really hard right now to think of anything else apart from your pain and the darkness that you feel.

Break things down into small chunk sized pieces don't overwhelm yourself with everything all at once.

Please ask for help , there is no shame in that! You have left a toxic situation which is good ...now try and plan what you need to do next...baby steps at a time.

Like others have said, you have your boys there who need their dad...

You got this!
 

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You’re doing so much better than you realize. Removing yourself from a toxic environment takes a lot of strength. Reaching out for help takes a lot if strength. It’s very easy to feel overwhelmed and exhausted.

Call the suicide hotline 800-273-8255, there are professionals who can help. many health insurance plans have EAP, call them. Just remember your not alone.

know that your children need you. At this moment you may feel that there’s no way you can be there for them, but that feeling will pass.
 

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Ted... can you tell us your backstory.......we're ALL here to help. Let us know how you are currently. We're waiting to hear from you.... promise.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I’m trying so hard. It may be difficult on many levels, but I realized I deserve so much better in life. Yes it hurt, and I did not want to give up on our marriage, but the reality is that its over, and I must move on. Life is far too short and precious to be a victim. I cried many nights into my pillow and I could not sleep for the first few weeks. But now I’m moving on and building MY life again. AT LEAST THAT IS WHAT I AM TRYING TO CONVINCE MYSELF.


What I’ve written in my journal (to her but not said) over the last week:

Thank you for leaving me because I wasn’t capable of walking away.

It’s VERY hard to be here and I don’t apologize for that. It’s just how I feel. It’s not the boys it’s you. And it’s already destroyed what is left of our friendship.

I will let go more each day. Kept that to myself but kept repeating in my head.

My bride is gone - that’s going to be okay someday. And I’ll achieve happiness with my boys.

She is heartless, calculating, and rejoices in annihilating my soul and inflicting pain. She is NOT a friend. We can be a united front - an alliance of sorts - when it comes to raising the kids. That’s it. I just need to convince myself that if she has 50 opportunities to “twist the knife” she will do so 50 times.

I have spoken to a lawyer and that seems to help sever the niceties and I am finally feeling anger, which had been missing. It replaced pity but not the grief. The grief is overwhelming and I am using the wrong approach to cope. How can I still see her and miss her even after all she has done? Saw her this morning handing off the kids and I did what I did last time and quietly cried in the bathroom and washed my face.
 

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How can I still see her and miss her even after all she has done?
You are grieving the IMAGE you had of her -- not her. You are seeing your memories being tarnished by realizing who she REALLY is. It's ok to grieve that. BUT you need to realize (and I think you do), that image was NEVER real -- she was just good at hiding who she really IS.
 
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