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So i have been in a on off relationship for 7 years. We've been through more than our fair share of ups and downs we I have lost a lot and we have overcome a lot but one big breaking point that is just hovering over my head at all time seems to be his inability to tell the truth even when all facts confirm its a lie, he still will deny deny deny now I don't feel like there's any trust and I don't know how to regain that. Ive begged him and pleaded with him. He wasnt shown anyother way growing up . and so i have reallytried to stay patient and simply lead by example. But its really consumimg my life.
 

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Lies belie the past, cloud the Truth.

Truth be told, what are his particular lies?

Lies known to be lies, have more weight, lay about in plain sight, as they are more evidentiary....of course.

Supposed lies lie in wait for sustenance.

To gain in size and weight.
 

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Marrying a liar is like marrying a drunk.
You know what you’re in for, and it never gets better, but gets a helluva lot worse.

The stupidest thing you can tell yourself is this: Well, he/she would never lie about “that”. They’d never do “that”.

I may be projecting a little, but I can tell you from experience that liars will lie about everything. It’s just how it is. And lying constantly is a character flaw that in my opinion, speaks clearly about their overall character as well. You’d be wise to stop investing your life in this person. It’s hard to move on, but it’s harder to stay with a person of low character.
 

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Welcome to TAM.

How old are the two of you?
Some examples of what you are experiencing could help us.

Unfortunately, liars lie. It’s impossible to build a stable relationship on lies.
When he is caught in the lie, and there is no way out, what does he say/do then?
 

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I don't feel like there's any trust and I don't know how to regain that.
There is no way you can "regain" trust. Trust has to be earned by the person who broke it. If he is not completely contrite about the way he has behaved, and how he has used lies in his past, you can expect nothing but that his lying will continue.

i have reallytried to stay patient and simply lead by example. But its really consumimg my life.
Yes, and personally? I think you're not married to this guy, and that is a GOOD thing. I'd advise you to, at least, keep it the way you've got it, and at best, move on and find someone who hopefully has assumed responsibility for his own values and behavior.

He wasnt shown anyother way growing up .
Well, that may be. And, that is sad and unfortunate. However, there are two very salient facts: 1) he's not an 18-year old for whom his upbringing might not be immediately conquerable; he's an adult....his upbringing has nothing to do with him NOW; and 2) it's not your job to parent him. I agree with living a good example for your own life and your own relationships, don't stop that, but understand that you are, to some degree, enabling him to continue by not kicking him to the curb.
 

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I would insist on professional counseling before marrying, insist he demonstrate change over a period of time, leave if he doesn't want you enough to change. You can't change him. Even then, in times of pressure, he may revert to lying.

Lying is a major character flaw in an adult. Is this the way you want to spend the rest of your life?
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Right . but how do i. Convince him that this time its really over and the co parenting relationship i have neen holding out for cant be cause he just uses the kids to get to me each time ive tried allowing him visits without my attendance and he will become suicidal stocker status.
 

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Mid 30's.. And the lies range from very simple things to . elabrit stories of where he has been for the last 34 hours instead of coming home and being here for the kids like agreed on when i have to work. And not to mention the constant sexting chics on facebook. I really just need for him to grow up be a dad and to quite. Munipulating me into giving him another chance . or the ill take you down if you do claims he has done all the above and then some. Maybe i should just try another continent. Lol
 

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Right . but how do i. Convince him that this time its really over and the co parenting relationship i have neen holding out for cant be cause he just uses the kids to get to me each time ive tried allowing him visits without my attendance and he will become suicidal stocker status.
Don't even try to "convince" him of anything. Tell him to get out, and go to a lawyer and get a restraining order from a judge to enforce your wishes. If he becomes suicidal, tell him "...make my day..."...it will only be another lie and another manipulation. If he becomes a stalker, use the restraining order and call the police, have him jailed, press charges....

While you're at the attorney, get a court-ordered visitation schedule, my suggestion is that this would be supervised only, so that you have an immediate opportunity to refute his lies to your kids.
 
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