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Perhaps you are hyper sensitive to feeling castigated.

People disagree with your life-style. People feel that it is bad for children. Saying so isn't a castigation, whether you feel it is or not.
Fair enough. Thanks.

Here is your second post on this thread:

Sigh - Bear in mind that this is a VERY conservative board with a LOT of people who never processed their own marriages many of which include infidelity. This is not the best place to get understanding.​

Seems to be kinda castigating, doesn't it? I mean, you not only paint conservative as bad, you then accuse them of not being able to process their own marriages. Which, also paints you as 'enlightened and superior'. Also, starting with 'Sigh' as if it is beneath you and troubling to have to even discuss this (a topic you entered into discussing) is also belittling.
Gotcha. Don't agree. But I hear what you are saying. People are strange, myself included.
 

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Sigh - How could you not agree that even starting a post with a sigh is belittling.
Well, I don't agree that what I said - that being conservative renders conservationism "bad". All I meant by that is it is a community unlikely to have much knowledge of the situation the OP was in. My objection to the comments about kids was not that people think it but that it is inarguable despite evidence to the contrary. That people felt belittled I do not argue. Inferences made that were not implied. If standing by my opinions somehow makes me more "superior" than other people who do the same, so be it.


ETA: Tee hee. I see what you did there! The sigh was recognition that this topic is contentious. That is all. You may attribute whatever motives to me that you like, however!
 

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Sigh - How could you not agree that even starting a post with a sigh is belittling.
They have to start their post with a sigh, because other members on the board can't see them do this:-

 

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Sigh - How could you not agree that even starting a post with a sigh is belittling.
Well, I don't agree that what I said - that being conservative renders conservationism "bad". All I meant by that is it is a community unlikely to have much knowledge of the situation the OP was in. My objection to the comments about kids was not that people think it but that it is inarguable despite evidence to the contrary. That people felt belittled I do not argue. Inferences made that were not implied. If standing by my opinions somehow makes me more "superior" than other people who do the same, so be it.
I wonder if we (I say we because I'm included) have an unconscious sensitivity because of the current culture at large of "if you don't celebrate my X" you are phobic/bigoted/less enlightened," and we are projecting that condescension onto your words even though you personally don't feel that way?

Kind of like a person who has encountered 1000 obnoxious young earth, flat earth Christian's that they brace for an eye roll any time a Christian's enters the scene.

Not sure if that makes sense. But I realize I may be reacting to an annoying societal attitude rather than really hearing YOU, NS, the individual.

Which is not only u fair, it's something I hate being done to me. I'm sorry about that.
 

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I wonder if we (I say we because I'm included) have an unconscious sensitivity because of the current culture at large of "if you don't celebrate my X" you are phobic/bigoted/less enlightened," and we are projecting that condescension onto your words even though you personally don't feel that way?
Maybe.

Kind of like a person who has encountered 1000 obnoxious young earth, flat earth Christian's that they brace for an eye roll any time a Christian's enters the scene.
Yup. Could be.

Not sure if that makes sense. But I realize I may be reacting to an annoying societal attitude rather than really hearing YOU, NS, the individual.

Which is not only u fair, it's something I hate being done to me. I'm sorry about that.
Make a lot of sense to me. Thanks for that observation and honest introspection.
 

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Well what an interesting thread... for a lot of reasons.

I wish OP would come back and tell us how it is going.

On the poly, and other choices and preferences I think we should all take a deep breath.

For me, I have had multiple casual (somewhat loving) relationships at a time in my life. I would not say that I am poly, but I am not saying that I am not.

Now at this time in my life, with these women, I liked them, we hung out, dated to an extent, but it was understood that I was not going to get committed at a high level with anyone. They initially felt the same way and it was all cool.

As sometime happens with this situations, one or more of the other people wanted more and I did not so it ended.

Then later I started to want to have a serious relationship, so I did that.

Now with Current GF, she is traditional, it totally not in to anything alternative in any way. Those are her boundaries and I am completely fine.

Our sex is wonderful, I personally have had enough variety and really don't feel the need for more, and I do not fell that anything is lacking in our relationship sexually or in terms of intimacy.

However for me, this is one of the most intimate fulfilling relationships that I have ever been in and I am completely happy.

I don't know what that says about me as far as tendencies but I do understand the concept of poly and or open and or swinging in general. And I am not saying that I am opposed to any of those situations at a base level.

I am saying that I am totally fulfilled and happy where I am at and at this point in my life I feel that I really don't lack for anything that I am aware of.

I do hope that Op tells us how she is going overall if she wants too.
 

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Not neccasairyl at you spiny. Just thinking outloud per se'?
Have vows changed?
Ours were very similar to this.

wilt thou have this man to be thy husband, and wilt thou pledge thy faith to him, in all love and honor, in all duty and service, in all faith and tenderness, to love, honor, obey, and to live with him, cherish him, according to the ordinance of God, in the holy bond of marriage?"

"I, ______, take you, ______, to be my husband, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful wife, in plenty and want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live."

Mine didn't have the obey part and had to treat with understanding.

Where does it come from all vows promise monogamy? I've only seen 2 after a precursory search.
I admit I didn't do any research before saying most of us pledged monogamy, so I may be wrong about that. But I did not say all vows promise monogamy.
 

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I think Lisa is long gone. She was probably bored to death with this massive thread jack. I also think people shoud stop picking on NobodySpecial just because her views are unconventional. I don't always agree with her but she does add a different perspective.
 

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I admit I didn't do any research before saying most of us pledged monogamy, so I may be wrong about that. But I did not say all vows promise monogamy.
Wasn't necessarily referring to you.
Saw many posting about it, I had to go back and look at ours.
Yours just happened to be the closest one referring to it. :)
 

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I think Lisa is long gone. She was probably bored to death with this massive thread jack. I also think people shoud stop picking on NobodySpecial just because her views are unconventional. I don't always agree with her but she does add a different perspective.
As jacked threads go, this one wasn't that bad. Most of the discussion was about polyamory. One poster contributed her experience, but that seems relevant to me.

I think the main reason there was little discussion of OP's situation is that we heard little about it.
 

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Sigh - Bear in mind that this is a VERY conservative board with a LOT of people who never processed their own marriages many of which include infidelity. This is not the best place to get understanding.
Presumably you mean that most of us here actually believe in being faithful to our spouses.
 
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