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Does she say he is screwing around with deception? I must have missed that.
I don’t think she said anything about deception. If he was seeing someone else secretly, that would be out and out cheating as I understand it. I assumed he told her in advance and since she knows he can say it is not cheating because she knows. But it is still infidelity because he is breaking his wedding vow. And it is not “ethical” because she is clearly confused about the potential consequences and is not on board with it.
Exactly. I understand the inclination to defend a lifestyle choice, but this man's motives are so transparent one would have to be intentionally blind not to see it.
 

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Exactly. I understand the inclination to defend a lifestyle choice, but this man's motives are so transparent one would have to be intentionally blind not to see it.
I am neither intentionally blind nor attempting to defend my choice. I am offering an alternative point of view. I am getting sick of you telling me what I think.
 

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I think most people forget they have the right/choice to create their own way of life and live it.
If a couple chooses to do so they can reach their own agreement as what constitutes fidelity for them instead of forcing themselves into a social modality which doesn't truly fit them.

As you and your husband seem to have done.

It would take lots of discussion and learning on both parts.
For us, this discussion and learning has lead to an intimacy that was formerly beyond our understanding.
 

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Polyamory is the cat’s meow. Think of all the happy, well balanced children that will come from it.

Seriously, what could go wrong?

Sorry, Lisa, you got served a **** sandwich on a silver platter. It’s a sad day when your best friend, lover, and husband dropped this in your lap.
Right? :rolleyes:

I'm willing to bet there are tons of husbands out there who have also had the sudden epiphany that they are actually "polyamorous" and want to start dating/having sex with other women - while getting to keep their wife, all their financial assets, kids, house, and reputation. LOL. Yeah, I can think of a lot of guys right off the top of my head who would LOVE to do that. It's a win/win!

OP, you didn't sign up for this. Time to decide whether you're willing to settle for this or not.
 

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Right? :rolleyes:

I'm willing to bet there are tons of husbands out there who have also had the sudden epiphany that they are actually "polyamorous" and want to start dating/having sex with other women - while getting to keep their wife, all their financial assets, kids, house, and reputation. LOL. Yeah, I can think of a lot of guys right off the top of my head who would LOVE to do that.

OP, you didn't sign up for this. Time to decide whether you're willing to settle for this or not.
OP I am not trying to convince you of anything. Just sharing my point of view. For myself, I don't think there is a rush to decide anything unless you are pushed. And being pushed is a Very Seriously Telling Sign. This is one that comes highly recommended though I have never read it myself

https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-****-Third-Practical-Relationships/dp/0399579664/ref=sr_1_1?crid=369RNS3R8CA6V&keywords=ethical+****t+book&qid=1555415220&s=gateway&sprefix=ethical,aps,133&sr=8-1
 

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But, only sympathetic sources, right?


I imagine those opposed to this lifestyle are suffering from every evil "-ism"
Well I don't know. I would *guess* that those opposed to this lifestyle are suffering from ignorance. I have not come across sources which have shown a negative impact on kids. But I am open to suggestion if you find them!

I'd be surprised if this type of confusion didn't mess horrendously with children.
Whose confused? I mean, feel free to not read if you like.
 

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Whose confused?
Are you a paid advocate with the PR firm Dewey, Bangem, and Howe?

You know very well I’m talking about the confusion of the children.

After all your years of practicing this “choice”, after all the links you’ve provided, after posting a solid 1/3 of responses in this thread, I’m to believe you’ve never, ever heard or seen a negative effect on children?
 

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Are you a paid advocate with the PR firm Dewey, Bangem, and Howe?
Nope. Just a regular old person sharing their point of view.

You know very well I’m talking about the confusion of the children.

After all your years of practicing this “choice”, after all the links you’ve provided, after posting a solid 1/3 of responses in this thread, I’m to believe you’ve never, ever heard or seen a negative effect on children?
No more than I have any other weird marriage affects on children. Fewer actually, truth be told. But if you find other information, I am happy to read it.
 

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“That’s amaaaaazing!”

—Jesse Lee Peterson

Lisa, if you want to be in a consensual adulterous marriage with your husband, go nuts, but please don’t involve children.
 

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Hi Lisa,

I'm sorry to read that you are having a tough time in your marriage.

I personally don't believe that monogamous and non-monogamous people are compatible. I couldn't personally live with a partner who wanted to practice polyamoury. I feel that you have to stick up for what you want and not allow yourself to be pushed in to a life style that will hurt you emotionally.
 

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A form of polygyny, or polyamory was standard way of life in almost every culture of the world at one time and those still practicing it studied in the 16-1800's showed few mental health issues, more social cohesiveness, and altruism than the current cultural trend.

No I don't live it. I do understand it. Feel if that is someone's choice and they aren't hurting anyone leave them alone.
 

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A form of polygyny, or polyamory was standard way of life in almost every culture of the world at one time and those still practicing it studied in the 16-1800's showed few mental health issues, more social cohesiveness, and altruism than the current cultural trend.

No I don't live it. I do understand it. Feel if that is someone's choice and they aren't hurting anyone leave them alone.
If I had a set of couple friends who explored, talked, ventured into this together, I might not "get" it, but I wouldn't bash or judge. It would be a together journey.

If one of my friend's husbands "announced" to her he realized he was polyamorous, and so he was gonna explore other women, and he implied that she better be on board cause it was happening whether she liked him or not.....yeah, I'd tell her what an ass her hubby was.
 

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If I had a set of couple friends who explored, talked, ventured into this together, I might not "get" it, but I wouldn't bash or judge. It would be a together journey.

If one of my friend's husbands "announced" to her he realized he was polyamorous, and so he was gonna explore other women, and he implied that she better be on board cause it was happening whether she liked him or not.....yeah, I'd tell her what an ass her hubby was.
OP's husband said that? OP, Run don't WALK away from this.
 

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If I had a set of couple friends who explored, talked, ventured into this together, I might not "get" it, but I wouldn't bash or judge. It would be a together journey.

If one of my friend's husbands "announced" to her he realized he was polyamorous, and so he was gonna explore other women, and he implied that she better be on board cause it was happening whether she liked him or not.....yeah, I'd tell her what an ass her hubby was.
OP's husband said that? OP, Run don't WALK away from this.
Of course OP didn't say this. This is TAM, and what people post is irrelevant compared to stupid crap people pretend they said. If only this forum had a quote button...
 

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OP I am heartbroken for you. You did NOT sign up for this.

If this happened to me, my husband would have two choices:

1 - Forget the whole idea

or

2 - Divorce

I would not be interested in this at all, I signed on for a life time, monogamous marriage. I would not be reading up on anything, or "educating" myself. It simply wouldn't be happening.

If other people live this way that's their business, I don't judge them, it doesn't affect me at all. But in MY marriage, hell no.
 

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OP I am heartbroken for you. You did NOT sign up for this.

If this happened to me, my husband would have two choices:

1 - Forget the whole idea

or

2 - Divorce

I would not be interested in this at all, I signed on for a life time, monogamous marriage. I would not be reading up on anything, or "educating" myself. It simply wouldn't be happening.

If other people live this way that's their business, I don't judge them, it doesn't affect me at all. But in MY marriage, hell no.
Yep.
 

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If I had a set of couple friends who explored, talked, ventured into this together, I might not "get" it, but I wouldn't bash or judge. It would be a together journey.

If one of my friend's husbands "announced" to her he realized he was polyamorous, and so he was gonna explore other women, and he implied that she better be on board cause it was happening whether she liked him or not.....yeah, I'd tell her what an ass her hubby was.
OP's husband said that? OP, Run don't WALK away from this.
Of course OP didn't say this. This is TAM, and what people post is irrelevant compared to stupid crap people pretend they said. If only this forum had a quote button...
So, sweet spiny, I take it you're polyamorous too?
 
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