My marriage is in a very bad place and I don’t know where to turn. Hoping to find some support.
When did he start acting this way?I’ve had a variety of issues in my marriage and lately I’m contemplating divorce. I do love my husband and would prefer to stay married. We have a seven month old and I stay home with him. My husband has just become increasingly apathetic towards making our relationship good and honestly is just downright mean and hateful every time we interact. He might act nicer again for a day or so and seems like he cares about my feelings but always goes back to being ****ty again like right away. The tone of voice and attitude he has always make me feel terrible when I speak to him. Now we barely speak. I wish I could easily leave him but that’s not really the case. Tho my true wish would be that he treated me better.
Everyone's 'depressed' right now due to the ****ty economy, businesses closing, 401ks going down the toilet, and having our usual routines turned upside down.
I’m not sure if he’s specifically worried about $ but he usually is a little bit. But it could be some depression that’s not been dealt with. I’ll try to talk to him about it.
he pretty much goes to work, goes to school and spends time at home with our son. We haven’t really been going anywhere since this whole coronavirus thing. I’m sure he’s feeling antsy and anxious about not being able to get out to do more.When did he start acting this way?
How does he spend his time when he's not at work? Does he hang around the house? Or does he go out a lot?
Is he currently going to work and school right now during the shutdown? Or is he home all the time now? If he's home all the time is he working from home and doing school work from home?W
he pretty much goes to work, goes to school and spends time at home with our son. We haven’t really been going anywhere since this whole coronavirus thing. I’m sure he’s feeling antsy and anxious about not being able to get out to do more.
He has to leave the house for work but been doing school from home. Doesn’t do much else lately. Free time has been limited. I try to encourage him to take walks with our son but he doesn’t usually do so.Is he currently going to work and school right now during the shutdown? Or is he home all the time now? If he's home all the time is he working from home and doing school work from home?
Is he doing any sort of exercise, like going out for walks?
It does sound like he might be dealing with some depression. But that does not excuse him for mistreating you. That's not ok.
Thanks I’m going to look into thatThere is a book that is very helpful in this sort of circumstance: Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again by Michele Weiner-Davis
This author has several books on the topic. She also has YouTube videos that might help you. When you read the book, pay special attention to the chapter on how to change your environment. It's not about redecorating the house , it's about making changes in yourself that change the relationship.
And of course you can post here and get help from all of us on TAM.
I swear I’ve tried and he acts like he gets it and then goes back to being the same. So I’m beyond frustrated.Maybe it's time to have the clear talk with H, that you don't deserve or appreciate the hateful and apathetic behavior from him, and you indeed won't stay in a relationship where you get treated so.
If he agrees and says let's separate then he's likely seeing someone on the side. If he wakes up, he may see that he needs to do better.
Both start from a clear, short, you telling him this. Not a discussion mind you but at least clearly tell him the situation.
If there's more to all this, perhaps it will come out, as he ponders what you've said.
He may feel similarly. You have to be prepared for all outcomes. That's one of the hard parts.
If all the info you've shared is the sum total perhaps he's just become self centered a bit and not thought of the long term damages his actions are causing.
You said that when he speaks harshly at you, it makes feel terrible. What do you mean by that? Do you feel terrible just because it's a pain to live with such a negative person? Do you feel terrible because it makes you feel like there is something wrong with you? Could you clarify?He will like after a few days and he’s in a good mood he will say he’s sorry and knows he shouldn’t have acted that way.