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Discussion Starter #1
I've been reading Married Man's Sex Life primer (loving it btw), and yesterday I told my wife to be ready to go out in an hour. I told her as I was walking past her, and apparently missed her question "where are we going". 20 minutes later she's _REALLY_ upset because she hates it when I do that- don't tell her were we are going, unannounced detours, ect.

It turned into a pretty big fight, and she absolutely refused to go out the door. Should I continue to work on my delivery, or abandon that particular tactic?
 

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I would want to know only so I would know how to dress. Big difference in going to a Jazz Night Club vs. the circus.

Why not say "hey get ready I plan on taking you to ----."
 

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I am your wife! HA! Well, not really, but I know what she's going through.

Be more specific and maybe tell her 2 hours before. Or half day before.
 

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Both the last two posters are missing the point. The idea is that the woman only has an hour and by insisting on this, the man shows his "alphaness" (for want of a better word), which women like.

If he tells you everything ang gives you unlimited time, how is he being decisive and in control?;)
 

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She probably thought you were ignoring her when you didn't answer, but she is being OTT.

I love it when my fiance tells me to be ready at a certain time, and would love it even more if he told me to be ready in an hour to take me somewhere as a surprise.

You should have told her you wanted to surprise her, so get ready and be ready in an hour.
 

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She probably thought you were ignoring her when you didn't answer, but she is being OTT.

I love it when my fiance tells me to be ready at a certain time, and would love it even more if he told me to be ready in an hour to take me somewhere as a surprise.

You should have told her you wanted to surprise her, so get ready and be ready in an hour.
If I tried this on my wife, she would be somewhat scared and eventually insist on knowing where we are going, a nervous-based insisting.

The premise of this idea is good but I'd tell her where it is we are going. I'd think I would still meet the objective.
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This alpha crap and man-up bull seems like nothing more than ways to put your wife in her "place". Show her love, treat her right, and you will have no problems.
 

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I agree with V2.0. from what you decribed it sounded bossy and belittling - especially if it was in such qhick passing that you missed her (fair) question. "Where are we going?" I don't see that alpha means being rude or controlling.
 

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You were aware that your wife dislikes surprises, but you withheld that information in your initial statement. I would feel disrespected as well. I think you should continue to work on your delivery. "I'm going to see (exact movie name) in an hour. Be ready if you want to come!"

To me this is more of a boundary issue. Assuming that you don't have children that she's caring for while trying to get ready, an hour should be more than enough time. If she really wants to go she'll be ready. If she's not ready I assume your plan would be to kiss her goodbye and leave, right? Even if you pull this off perfectly she'll likely be mad when you return home. Are you able to react without escalating? Are you able to walk away if she begins using disrespectful language? If not, you should hold off on things like this. It could do more damage than good.
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Yes, I can see it backfiring if the delivery was abrupt and/or bossy sounding, if you don't say where you're going or at least how to dress, and if the mood of your wife wasn't taken in to consideration (maybe she was tired and felt like staying in).

I think if the request is delivered in such a way that it doesn't sound commanding, but instead enticing, the response would be better. Most people respond well to common courtesy.

I agree with other posters that being 'alpha' is not about being bossy and controlling, because most would not find that attractive (some women might, so it pays to know your wife). ;)

I'm not sure why you couldn't just ASK her if she would like to go out, and then TELL her where you want to take her and when. This exchange to me would work:

H: Hey, baby, you up to going out tonight?
W: I guess so.
H: Well, then put your dancing shoes on and that new dress you look hot in and be ready to leave at 8.

If she replies 'no' when you ask, I would tell her that you expect to see that dress one day later in the week, wink at her, then walk away. This works on me. ;)
 

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Women have their own sense of time and priorities. "5 minutes" could mean anything from 25 minutes to half past never.
 

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It's about being in tune with her. You need to know that she really wanted to go out and do something then being mysterious may have worked better. I tried something similar where I engaged her and said lets just go out and explore the harbour. She didn't want to go out after all because we had been doing alot and she just really just wanted to relax at home. I was disapointed but I could see by her body language that she was just not in the mood.

I think doing a drive by without taking the time to engage and communicate comes off as disrepectful not alpha unless that is exactly what she is in the mood for.
 

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Babies make people crazy :)

My wife and I had 2 children 22 months apart. 4 months into the first child, my wife discovered the joys of co-sleeping. So with #2 on his way, it was time to move the now 2 year child out of our bed. It was a 6 month long battle to get her to sleep in her own bedroom. Funny enough, after that bedtime was the easiest part of the day for both of them.
How old are your children? If they are still young then where were they when you abruptly announce to your wife that she get ready because the two of you were going out in a hour?
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Both the last two posters are missing the point. The idea is that the woman only has an hour and by insisting on this, the man shows his "alphaness" (for want of a better word), which women like.

If he tells you everything ang gives you unlimited time, how is he being decisive and in control?;)
Exactly right.

I agree with V2.0. from what you decribed it sounded bossy and belittling - especially if it was in such qhick passing that you missed her (fair) question. "Where are we going?" I don't see that alpha means being rude or controlling.
My intention wasn't to be rude, I apparently delivered my message too quickly. She also chose not to come ask me for clarification, but rather sat and got pissed off.

How old are your children? If they are still young then where were they when you abruptly announce to your wife that she get ready because the two of you were going out in a hour?
Kids are now 8 and 9, and the 9 year old is on vacation with my mom.


Holy crap ladies, You'd think I posted this is the Ladies Lounge. Have any of you actually read Married Man's Sex Life Primer? Please start your own threads to crap on it in the Ladies Lounge, where I won't be reading it :)

As far as my situation goes, here's the short story:
Wife and I have been married 13 years, I'm a software architect, she's a stay at home mom. 2 kids, 8 and 9, and our sex life has been in the crapper for 4+ years.
3 years ago she hit size 18 after not loosing the baby fat, and finally hit the gym with a trainer. A year later, she stopped going (size 16), and over the next six months, dropped to a size 4. At the time, I was in the 230 lbs range, (I've got a stocky build, I got out of the Marines in '99 at 205).
She dropped the weight because she stopped putting on muscle mass, stopped eating, and coasted.

Sex life never really improved through all of this, and after a horrible winter a year 1/2 ago, I pushed MC w/ a woman who specialized in sexual dysfunction. Hormone tests are normal, no physical issues, testosterone levels slightly above normal. We went through all of the "improve communication" crap, and basically agreed that her low desire was in her head, and I just needed to be patient. Well, here we are a year later, and guess what? Still looking for help, because she can't will herself to want sex.

A month ago I really hit bottom. I was at 241, stressed by work and home, and my doc told me to fix my cholesterol levels. Dad's side of the family has a history of heart disease (grandfather and uncle dead at 45 from heart attacks)
The wife's idea of stay at home mom is 10+ hours of reading twilight fan fiction and putting everything else off as long as possible.

So I decided to start working towards a low carb diet, and the first step was getting away from caffene and soda. So far i've lost 15lbs.

A few days ago I really dug into MMSL, and it's really hit a lot of buttons. Sufice to say I've got the Beta stuff down, thanks to 13 years of domestification, and lost most of the Alpha that attracted her in the first place.
 

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Have you asked her; "What do you want? From your life, from your marriage?"

I asked my ex this question, in several different forms at what I refer to as 'benchmark' moments during the deterioration of our marriage.

Her consistent answer? "I don't know."

I'm all for trying to change your game-plan. But you need to know whether or not you have a teammate, or an opponent.

Ask her. If she gives the same answer my ex did, start thinking about what your life looks like without her.

It's a lazy, thoughtless answer. It is the answer you give when you think the status quo can't possibly change, meaning, she doesn't believe you are going anywhere, but she isn't engaged enough to possibly want to make things better.

What she doesn't say, is every bit as informative as what she does. Listen closely either way. And if her answer is "I don't know.", that needs to be the end of the conversation. Don't ask her another thing, and calmly remove yourself from the interaction.

Exactly right.

Holy crap ladies, You'd think I posted this is the Ladies Lounge. Have any of you actually read Married Man's Sex Life Primer? Please start your own threads to crap on it in the Ladies Lounge, where I won't be reading it :)
That was pretty funny.
 

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"5 minutes" means STFU I'll get to it when the winged stallion comes to pick me up.

I consider it a basic point of civility to be punctual. I cannot stand people who are late or who make me late. An appointment is an appointment. Not a quarter hour late, or whatever o'clock. What are we, free wheeling Latins and Jamaicans for God's sake? No mon, YES worries. Now, right the **** now.

When I tell someone I will be at their house in 7 minutes I am at their house in 7 minutes. This is why I find all this slackerdom infuriating.
 
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