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I'm 17 years old, live in the North East of Scotland and work as a trainee hairdresser (plus office admin) at my mum's hairdressing shop.

Tomorrow at 14:00 I will become Mrs. Kayleigh Murray and I'm so excited, but scared too.

I've been with my OH since our last year of high school (age 15) and for the past 6 months we have pretty much lived together as my mum works all the time and doesn't mind him being here, so he basically lives at my house. Same goes for me being at his, but his mum has a young child so it isn't really convenient.

He proposed to me 3 months ago and I immediately accepted. We may only be 17 years old but we both work full time and want to get married, have our own place and start a family. A lot of people seem to think we should remain as a typical teenage couple until we are into our 20s, but why? Marriage is something that two people do to commit themselves to each other, and why should anybody else have a say in that?

We will get married tomorrow, get our own home and then we will fill said home with a family.

Sorry for the long introduction!

-Kayleigh. xx
 

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I'm 17 years old, live in the North East of Scotland and work as a trainee hairdresser (plus office admin) at my mum's hairdressing shop.

Tomorrow at 14:00 I will become Mrs. Kayleigh Murray and I'm so excited, but scared too.

I've been with my OH since our last year of high school (age 15) and for the past 6 months we have pretty much lived together as my mum works all the time and doesn't mind him being here, so he basically lives at my house. Same goes for me being at his, but his mum has a young child so it isn't really convenient.

He proposed to me 3 months ago and I immediately accepted. We may only be 17 years old but we both work full time and want to get married, have our own place and start a family. A lot of people seem to think we should remain as a typical teenage couple until we are into our 20s, but why? Marriage is something that two people do to commit themselves to each other, and why should anybody else have a say in that?

We will get married tomorrow, get our own home and then we will fill said home with a family.

Sorry for the long introduction!

-Kayleigh. xx
People who tell you that have the benefit of maturity. They know that you have not finished maturing yourselves, and by making an adult decision such as getting married, you are not benefiting from the learned wisdom such maturity provides. You haven't finished developing your personality, and certainly have not had the life experience needed to decide if this person is right for spending the rest of your life with. And as he has not finished developing his personality either, whatever you believe about him and his appropriateness for you at this point may not even stay true.

Being married at such a young age is going to be hard work. Good luck!
 

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Hi Kayleigh,

In today's world, with so many people not respecting marriage vows, and with all the lowered standards of behavior, it will be more difficult for the two of you to remain focused on marriage and on each other than say, 60 or 70 years ago.

Do you share a faith, and have a good support system that will help you stay focused to your standards and values even though the two of you will be maturing and changing for the next few years?

How do you plan to pay for the home you will be starting together? Have you discussed if you will work after children come, or if you will be a SAHM? Are you both on the same page? Have you ever managed your own budget?

You can have a good marriage, but it will take communication, similar goals, sacrifice, looking out for each other rather than selfishness, and commitment. My 86 year old neighbor married secretly at 16 and they got pregnant on purpose so their parents wouldn't force them to get an annulment. They remained in love, and both of them understood their roles and responsibilities to each other and the marriage (according to traditional values which they both held.) They struggled together during the lean years, she babysat other people's children to make ends meet when they had their own little ones. They managed to stay together and now that her husband has passed away she misses him and says she will never remarry.

I wish you both the best, and hope that you both keep your heads on straight, learn together, and are open to learning from people who have more wisdom and experience than you do, when problems arise.
 

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I'm 17 years old, live in the North East of Scotland and work as a trainee hairdresser (plus office admin) at my mum's hairdressing shop.

Tomorrow at 14:00 I will become Mrs. Kayleigh Murray and I'm so excited, but scared too.

I've been with my OH since our last year of high school (age 15) and for the past 6 months we have pretty much lived together as my mum works all the time and doesn't mind him being here, so he basically lives at my house. Same goes for me being at his, but his mum has a young child so it isn't really convenient.

He proposed to me 3 months ago and I immediately accepted. We may only be 17 years old but we both work full time and want to get married, have our own place and start a family. A lot of people seem to think we should remain as a typical teenage couple until we are into our 20s, but why? Marriage is something that two people do to commit themselves to each other, and why should anybody else have a say in that?

We will get married tomorrow, get our own home and then we will fill said home with a family.

Sorry for the long introduction!

-Kayleigh. xx
Your life is going to change.... a lot. Not that this is a bad thing; it happens to everyone. I hear a lot of people say you should enjoy your younger years and wait until you're older to "settle down." I think there are pro's and con's to both waiting and to getting started early. I'm not that much older than you, but I'll tell you a few things I've learned which would have been very helpful to know up front:

1. Home and family comes with much difficulty and hard work and over a great length of time. It doesn't just magically come together. With all probability you will have more difficult days than really good ones in your adult life. You'll experience a lot of disappointment. But, you'll also experience happiness and that happiness will make the hard times worth it. Which brings me to...

2. Do not have kids right away. Kids are great. They're also extremely expensive and you can pretty well kiss all of that spare time goodbye. I do not have kids yet and I am in my mid 20's. Many people my age do. I'm sure they like their lives the way they are, but I can do a lot of things that they can't do, including have kids whenever I want. Birth control is one of the greatest gifts ever bestowed upon humanity. Use it religiously until you and your soon to be husband agree that you wish to do otherwise. Use your early years of marriage to spend quality time with your husband and work on your career. Speaking of careers...

3. Invest in your career. Young adults are usually perpetually broke. That's normal, for a while. Eventually, you won't want to be broke anymore (See point # 2). People in the business world are almost literally drooling for young adults who display any sort of potential. I can't speak as to how the economy works in Scotland because I honestly don't have a clue. Here in the U.S. the business world keeps a close eye on us young adults. Being willing to work hard and sharpen your skills will help you do well in your career. This is one area I have invested heavily in and it has paid off substantially.

4. Learn how to be married. Being a good husband or wife (in your case) is a learned process in a lot of ways. You won't always know exactly what to do or say. You need to learn how to have open and honest dialogue with your STBH at all times. Good communication is essential for a successful marriage.

5. Openly discuss and agree on how you are going to manage finances. Live frugally, especially at first. Don't spend money you don't have. Poor financial management will put a huge strain on your marriage.

A lot of people on TAM give good advice. How much of it you follow is up to you. Best of luck!
 

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I'm 17 years old, live in the North East of Scotland and work as a trainee hairdresser (plus office admin) at my mum's hairdressing shop.

Tomorrow at 14:00 I will become Mrs. Kayleigh Murray and I'm so excited, but scared too.

I've been with my OH since our last year of high school (age 15) and for the past 6 months we have pretty much lived together as my mum works all the time and doesn't mind him being here, so he basically lives at my house. Same goes for me being at his, but his mum has a young child so it isn't really convenient.

He proposed to me 3 months ago and I immediately accepted. We may only be 17 years old but we both work full time and want to get married, have our own place and start a family. A lot of people seem to think we should remain as a typical teenage couple until we are into our 20s, but why? Marriage is something that two people do to commit themselves to each other, and why should anybody else have a say in that?

We will get married tomorrow, get our own home and then we will fill said home with a family.

Sorry for the long introduction!

-Kayleigh. xx

I wish you both the best and Happy New Year.

You're 17 and probably in grade 10?

Your hubby to be is 15?

You guys are starting off extremely young to be married but if you're both in love and really prepared to get married, then why not?

My advice is only based on what I did.

I wasn't mentally ready or mature enough to be married until I was around 24 years old. Then it just clicked for me and felt right. Mrs.CuddleBug was 19 and she too felt it was right.

We dated for 6 months first, then I proposed on a beach, on knee, midnight and gave her the engagement ring and 6 months later we were married.

So I was 25 and she was 20 when we got married and then we moved into an apartment together and started to save for a down payment on a place of our own. We shared a car and took the bus and never traveled. We just saved a lot each month and 3 or so years later, bought our place, putting a lot down so our mortgage is minimal and now are 3 years 4 months from no more mortgage.

If I were you guys, I would wait until you're both done high school, full grade 12 graduates. Then get engaged and married and both work full time, renting a place on your own or rent in your mom's place, which helps her a lot with bills and food.

Getting married at 17 and 15 years old today seems extremely young but everyone's maturity is different.

I wish you both the best and Happy New Year.
 

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I wish you both the best and Happy New Year.

You're 17 and probably in grade 10?

Your hubby to be is 15?

You guys are starting off extremely young to be married but if you're both in love and really prepared to get married, then why not?

My advice is only based on what I did.

I wasn't mentally ready or mature enough to be married until I was around 24 years old. Then it just clicked for me and felt right. Mrs.CuddleBug was 19 and she too felt it was right.

We dated for 6 months first, then I proposed on a beach, on knee, midnight and gave her the engagement ring and 6 months later we were married.

So I was 25 and she was 20 when we got married and then we moved into an apartment together and started to save for a down payment on a place of our own. We shared a car and took the bus and never traveled. We just saved a lot each month and 3 or so years later, bought our place, putting a lot down so our mortgage is minimal and now are 3 years 4 months from no more mortgage.

If I were you guys, I would wait until you're both done high school, full grade 12 graduates. Then get engaged and married and both work full time, renting a place on your own or rent in your mom's place, which helps her a lot with bills and food.

Getting married at 17 and 15 years old today seems extremely young but everyone's maturity is different.

I wish you both the best and Happy New Year.
Hi, I think you've misunderstood what I said.

We are both 17 - were together since we were 15, both finished school this summer at 16 and both have jobs (mine as a hairdresser) and my husband (feels weird saying that now!) as an apprentice mechanic.

Hope that clears it up :)
 

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Hi Kayleigh,

In today's world, with so many people not respecting marriage vows, and with all the lowered standards of behavior, it will be more difficult for the two of you to remain focused on marriage and on each other than say, 60 or 70 years ago.

Do you share a faith, and have a good support system that will help you stay focused to your standards and values even though the two of you will be maturing and changing for the next few years?

How do you plan to pay for the home you will be starting together? Have you discussed if you will work after children come, or if you will be a SAHM? Are you both on the same page? Have you ever managed your own budget?
We were both brought up to be Christians and go to Church every Sunday, which doesn't make everything OK but means that we have strong views for marriage and faithfulness.

We have our respective parents and families as support, but are trying to distance ourselves from them just now and only "use" as and when required.

Our home will be paid for by our salaries (it is my late grandmother's house and is being rented to us by family) and as for children, we probably will wait until Jamie is on a full wage (rather than apprentice) and same for me. Even if I do give up work to be a full-time mum I'd like to have the possibility of going straight back into a job when I wanted rather than have to do training first.
 

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We were both brought up to be Christians and go to Church every Sunday, which doesn't make everything OK but means that we have strong views for marriage and faithfulness.

We have our respective parents and families as support, but are trying to distance ourselves from them just now and only "use" as and when required.

Our home will be paid for by our salaries (it is my late grandmother's house and is being rented to us by family) and as for children, we probably will wait until Jamie is on a full wage (rather than apprentice) and same for me. Even if I do give up work to be a full-time mum I'd like to have the possibility of going straight back into a job when I wanted rather than have to do training first.
It sounds like you and Jamie have a lot of things stacked in your favor. Like you said, just going to church doesn't make everything Ok, and is no guarantee, but you have similar values, which is a huge plus.

Distancing yourselves for a while, so you two can find your own niche as a couple sounds like a good move. All of you will find a new balance in each other's lives, that will be very different than when you were growing up.

Renting your grandmother's house from family is awesome! You will have good landlords! Your family seems very wise: give you some space, while keeping you close (in grandma's house.)

I wish I had had the support you have when I went out on my own. I wish the best for both of you!

Glad you found this website at the beginning of your marriage. You will gain a lot of wisdom here, and hopefully will avoid many pitfalls that hurt marriages.
 

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Be careful, BE VERY CAREFUL....If you were my daughter I would apply every bit of pressure I could to dissuade you from your decision. I got married at 20 and was very mature. I got married again at 24 thought I knew everything...I'm 44, get me out of this marriage!!!! hahaha Seriously, Good Luck!!!! DUDE
 

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Hi, I think you've misunderstood what I said.

We are both 17 - were together since we were 15, both finished school this summer at 16 and both have jobs (mine as a hairdresser) and my husband (feels weird saying that now!) as an apprentice mechanic.

Hope that clears it up :)

Okay, no prob.

You're both 17 and married.

I wouldn't recommend anyone getting married at 17 because mentally and physically you haven't grown up yet.

17 years old is someone in grade 10.

High school is grade 12 usually 19 years old.

Apprentice Mechanic is a great career path. Hairdresser sounds like fun.

I guess it all depends on your maturity.

You both might be very mature for your ages.

But would I recommend anyone today at ages 17 getting married? No. Way too young.

When I was 17 and all my friends were about 17, no one was ready to get married.

I've read many stories of couples getting married very young. Then as they got older, one of them decides they settled down at too young of an age and wants to get out there, party and do what they missed out in life.....

But if it works for you, then it works for you.

I wish you both the best.:grin2:
 

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Okay, no prob.

You're both 17 and married.

I wouldn't recommend anyone getting married at 17 because mentally and physically you haven't grown up yet.

17 years old is someone in grade 10.

High school is grade 12 usually 19 years old.

Apprentice Mechanic is a great career path. Hairdresser sounds like fun.

I guess it all depends on your maturity.

You both might be very mature for your ages.

But would I recommend anyone today at ages 17 getting married? No. Way too young.

When I was 17 and all my friends were about 17, no one was ready to get married.

I've read many stories of couples getting married very young. Then as they got older, one of them decides they settled down at too young of an age and wants to get out there, party and do what they missed out in life.....

But if it works for you, then it works for you.

I wish you both the best.:grin2:
Thank you, and I completely agree with what you are saying. It is what I'd say to anybody else in my shoes too, but I guess you don't really know someone's situation unless you are the person in it. And even then, sometimes you get it wrong. Maybe we will get it wrong and it'll all go tits up, but at the end of the day life is too short.

My Dad died last year at the age of 42 and my gran was 60 when she died in April.

I'd rather regret doing what felt right at the time, than refraining and ending up 20 years later wondering "what if?".

Jamie's career is much better than mine in the long run. A mechanic could stick to repairing cars (which in itself is good money) or even go as far as working off-shore and making a lot of money.

A hairdresser is a pretty basic job and is never going to make millions (unless you have your own business with employees, like my mother).

Our future is in God's hands, we both know that. Maybe we will be together forever, or maybe not. I am mature enough to know it may all end in tears, but even if it does - we will enjoy every day we can until that happens.
 

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Be careful, BE VERY CAREFUL....If you were my daughter I would apply every bit of pressure I could to dissuade you from your decision. I got married at 20 and was very mature. I got married again at 24 thought I knew everything...I'm 44, get me out of this marriage!!!! hahaha Seriously, Good Luck!!!! DUDE
Trust me, if I had a daughter and she wanted to get married at 17, I'd be chaining myself to the church doors to stop her! As an onlooker it seems like the worst decision ever, but I'm willing to take the risk myself.
 

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It sounds like you and Jamie have a lot of things stacked in your favor. Like you said, just going to church doesn't make everything Ok, and is no guarantee, but you have similar values, which is a huge plus.

Distancing yourselves for a while, so you two can find your own niche as a couple sounds like a good move. All of you will find a new balance in each other's lives, that will be very different than when you were growing up.

Renting your grandmother's house from family is awesome! You will have good landlords! Your family seems very wise: give you some space, while keeping you close (in grandma's house.)

I wish I had had the support you have when I went out on my own. I wish the best for both of you!

Glad you found this website at the beginning of your marriage. You will gain a lot of wisdom here, and hopefully will avoid many pitfalls that hurt marriages.
Aww, thanks! :smile2:

I'm glad I've found this place too, and look forward to being a long-term member and starting our life together.

We have only been married for 4 days now and I still can't quite get it into my head! I had only just got used to calling him my fiance and now I've got to get used to using the H-word :laugh:

Although I am 17 I always get told I look about 14 (do I!?), so I guess some people who don't know me think I'm taking the p*** when I say "I've got to go, my husband's waiting for me".
 

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Thank you, and I completely agree with what you are saying. It is what I'd say to anybody else in my shoes too, but I guess you don't really know someone's situation unless you are the person in it. And even then, sometimes you get it wrong. Maybe we will get it wrong and it'll all go tits up, but at the end of the day life is too short.

My Dad died last year at the age of 42 and my gran was 60 when she died in April.

I'd rather regret doing what felt right at the time, than refraining and ending up 20 years later wondering "what if?".

Jamie's career is much better than mine in the long run. A mechanic could stick to repairing cars (which in itself is good money) or even go as far as working off-shore and making a lot of money.

A hairdresser is a pretty basic job and is never going to make millions (unless you have your own business with employees, like my mother).

Our future is in God's hands, we both know that. Maybe we will be together forever, or maybe not. I am mature enough to know it may all end in tears, but even if it does - we will enjoy every day we can until that happens.

Agreed. Life is very short with our physical bodies and then the real life begins.

Your Dad died at 42 last year? I'm sorry to hear that. I'm 42......yikes.

The positive is you are married, and both work full time and save every dollar you get for a down payment on a place of your own. Make sure its a big down payment so your monthly mortgage is low. Don't be fooled by low interest rates and buying an expensive house because when rates go up, you are on the street.

Nothing wrong with being a hair dresser. What I've learned in life, is do a job you would enjoy enough, that 10+ years later you are still doing it. You could be trained and become assistant manager? Then manager one day. Or just be the lead hair dresser that runs all the other hair dressers.

Fate is what we make in this life. God watches over us but the world is ruled by you know who with his fallen angels. God 3rd heaven. Earth 1st heaven. Physical Universe 2nd heaven. You know who lost the war in the 3rd heaven and got cast out to rule the 1st and 2nd heaven.
 

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Agreed. Life is very short with our physical bodies and then the real life begins.

Your Dad died at 42 last year? I'm sorry to hear that. I'm 42......yikes.

The positive is you are married, and both work full time and save every dollar you get for a down payment on a place of your own. Make sure its a big down payment so your monthly mortgage is low. Don't be fooled by low interest rates and buying an expensive house because when rates go up, you are on the street.

Nothing wrong with being a hair dresser. What I've learned in life, is do a job you would enjoy enough, that 10+ years later you are still doing it. You could be trained and become assistant manager? Then manager one day. Or just be the lead hair dresser that runs all the other hair dressers.

Fate is what we make in this life. God watches over us but the world is ruled by you know who with his fallen angels. God 3rd heaven. Earth 1st heaven. Physical Universe 2nd heaven. You know who lost the war in the 3rd heaven and got cast out to rule the 1st and 2nd heaven.
It wasn't expected, he had a heart attack and it was put down to stress and an unhealthy lifestyle (he wasn't overweight but smoked a lot). Jamie literally saved me in the weeks after when everybody else was focusing on my mum, and sat with me every day all day for 2 weeks when all I did was lie in bed either insentient or cry uncontrollably. Not many 16 year old guys would have stuck around for 1 day let alone 2 weeks.

Yeah, at least with renting from family at the moment we aren't paying as much as we would with a regular landlord, so it means we can save more and at a quicker rate. I was also left some money in my grandmother's will to be released to me at the age of 18 so that should help too. I don't know if we want to buy in Scotland though as some of our family lives in both Texas, USA and North Bay, Ontario. Plus, so many bad things have happened here for both of us that a complete fresh start in another country may not be a bad thing. We're not making any decisions yet though of course, but just saying that we will continue renting (and accumulating savings) until we make a final decision.

You are right, I could use my skills to end up running or even owning a business like I said in my reply, and then there is the prospect of earning a lot of money for what is still a pretty simple job.
 

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Since you're madly in love right now, you need to firm up areas that don't involve love, but can cause stress which in turn can affect love later on.

1. Finances. Have you both taken any courses or listened to any teachings on how to handle finances, so you are not eternally poor by always spending all you have? You need to be on the same page regarding finances, and you need to learn how to budget for the present and the future.

2. Children. I hope I'm not overstepping by telling you that I wouldn't suggest you have children right away. Work on getting yourselves financially and professionally in better spots, or you will always struggle financially, which places stress on the marriage.
 

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Since you're madly in love right now, you need to firm up areas that don't involve love, but can cause stress which in turn can affect love later on.

1. Finances. Have you both taken any courses or listened to any teachings on how to handle finances, so you are not eternally poor by always spending all you have? You need to be on the same page regarding finances, and you need to learn how to budget for the present and the future.

2. Children. I hope I'm not overstepping by telling you that I wouldn't suggest you have children right away. Work on getting yourselves financially and professionally in better spots, or you will always struggle financially, which places stress on the marriage.
You are completely right. I was always brought up with finances being of importance because both my mum and dad had businesses and wanted to "train" me into that way of thinking. It didn't work how they intended (for me to remain single until I'm 40 and own 5 businesses :laugh:), but did show me how to be financially secure.

Of course knowing how to do something and actually doing it are two different things, so I am eager to get moved into our house and start living off our own earnings so I can see how well things can go when it is a case of "buy food or don't eat"!

You aren't overstepping at all by suggesting to wait with regards to children. Yes I'll admit that I've always wanted kids and my gut feeling right now is that I want to have a baby, but that feeling will still be there in 2-3 years, by which time we will both have well paid jobs and a stable home. I still want us to have our first child while we are quite young, but having everything else in place first is most important.
 

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Yes I'll admit that I've always wanted kids and my gut feeling right now is that I want to have a baby, but that feeling will still be there in 2-3 years, by which time we will both have well paid jobs and a stable home. I still want us to have our first child while we are quite young, but having everything else in place first is most important.
In most cases, there is really no hurry. I have 4 children, and had my first at 35! I wish I had 5, but God had other plans....actually 4 was a handful for me, so 5 might have tipped me into the crazy bin.

Did your parents go over any financial planning with you, because most people spend all they earn, no matter how much they earn. We always think we don't have enough to save, because there are so may things to buy!

If you haven't already looked into a financial planning strategy, a good place to start is with Dave Ramsey. Had my husband and I done what he suggests, we would have been able to retire already, our house paid for, etc. We looked into his plan when my husband's job left town, and he had to take a much lower paying job. We didn't know if we could even make it on that salary, so out of desperation, we looked into Dave Ramsey. Not only have we been able to get by but we've paid down $10,000 of our debt in one year, on top of keeping on top of mortgage and other regular bills. We are teaching it to our children, so they will never feel poor, but will have a plan.
 

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Hey ScottishGirl.. I really hope you & he all the best.. here at TAM !...sometimes young love like this.. really does last.. Hopefully you & he will look back & treasure this early start...all the memories you & he built together.... your foundation right now ...it's pivotal... Build it on love & respect...giving, forgiving.. hopefully a shared vision...all this will help you get through..

As lasting love like this (so young).. is surely on the rarer side these days..

I've been with my husband since I was 15 too... met him in 10th grade....that was 33 yrs ago now.... we dated for over 6 yrs before we married-though I lived with his parents since I was 18..... also when we started out , he didn't have the greatest of Jobs by any stretch... we were both very Frugal though... this helped.

We too rented off a relative, his Aunt... pretty cheap rent.. a little house on a hill.. we saved , scrimped & saved... had one baby right away... then we couldn't conceive for many years...life can throw some obstacles along the way.. it always [email protected]#... those were our hardest years...emotionally for me anyway....

So I worked .. and we kept saving.. then all these things we wanted all started happening at once.. got the house of our dreams- the same time I finally conceived again, he landed a higher paying job....went on to have another 5 kids in 10 yrs...

Although the infertility was rough on me.. I never felt like I made a mistake who I married, or wished I'd dated more men or anything like that.. I wasn't the party girl type .... I knew what I wanted at a young age.. I dreamed of finding my soul mate.. and starting a family early so we could all grow together... that's pretty much how it played out..

I treasure all those memories of the 2 of us ...then the 3 of us... then 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.. now they are leaving the nest slowly.. it all went too fast I say!

I have a friend who married as young as you.. they have 5 kids today.. still going strong... it happens.. though still I say it's on the rarer side..

It's important to have the same vision... compatibility is HUGE, never underestimate it.. are you & his Love languages in sync.. or way off.. how is the communication, do you argue over sex and/ or how money should be spent ?

Living on love really isn't enough.. communication is paramount, resolving your arguments thoroughly...so no resentment sets in..

Please take a moment to read this thread I did on Compatibility ......I tried to lay out a # of areas that could be a stumbling block down the road if a couple is just too different ...my own parents were the most mismatched couple - ever - it didn't last, they too married young but learned the hard way.

I think the only thing those 2 had in common was money, both careful with it.. outside of that.. they were a train wreck waiting to happen.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/40768-ultimate-links-thread-compatibility-b4-vows-beyond-marital-harmony-joy.html

Here is another 2 links to touch on these things.. all younger people considering marriage should evaluate each very carefully.. I know you are already married.. let's hope you & he have all this going on !
Love is Not Enough..and Love That Lasts- 11 Questions to Ask Before Marriage

1. DO you ACCEPT EACH OTHER AS you BOTH ARE?
It is important to accept each other’s faults, flaws, and shortcomings without the need to make changes.

This is a fundamental issue and possibly the most important question here. It reaches into the heart of the relationship and addresses a matter basic for stability and longevity.


2. HAS YOUR COURTSHIP BEEN SMOOTH OR TURBULENT?
Frequent or caustic premarital fights predict turmoil after marriage.

Did you get along well during your time of dating, or did you have many fights and disagreements? A “no” answer to the previous question (Quest. 1) indicates a lack of acceptance of each other’s basic behavioral traits. Your lack of acceptance will show itself in frequent fights and conflict and, thus, as a high level of turbulence in your courtship.

3. DO YOU LIKE THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF WHEN YOU ARE WITH YOUR INTENDED?
The way you feel about yourself when in your mate’s company frequently reflects your partner’s underlying, often unstated sentiments.

This is really a variant of the previous questions and has to do with feelings of personal acceptance stemming from the relationship, but at deeper levels.
4. DO you HAVE COMPATIBLE INTERESTS, ATTITUDES, VALUES AND GOALS?
It is important to be in harmony about the things you like to do, the beliefs you hold important, the way you view the world, and your life’s objectives.

These issues are so fundamentally important I could have listed them first. These are also the areas most frequently focused on by dating services. Without a reasonable match in these four areas, we diminish our chances for a long and successful relationship.

5. WHAT SPOUSAL ROLES DO you EXPECT AFTER MARRIAGE?
You need to agree about whether your marriage will be traditional or modern.

In marriage, we play many parts, i.e., partner, parent, companion, provider, homemaker, lover, helpmate, playmate, friend, confidant, and so forth all of which we can be subsume under the heading “spousal roles.” We usually come to a relationship with a certain set of expectations and desires regarding these roles

6. IS your INTENDED SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE AND SATISFYING TO you?
Sexual and affectional compatibility are vital parts of a lasting and satisfying marriage.

For almost everyone, sexual gratification is one of the prime features of marriage. It is important that your needs be met in this area.
7. DO YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE WHEN YOU ARE IN THE COMPANY OF YOUR INTENDED’S FAMILY AND FRIENDS?
Be aware that marriage frequently comes with a large cast of loveable, and sometimes not-so-loveable, characters
It is true that you will be marrying your mate and not your mate’s family. Nevertheless, if your intended loves his or her family and plans to spend much time with them, you best like them too, or at least be able to tolerate them.

8. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN THE SATISFACTION OF EACH OTHER’S NEEDS?
Love includes a passionate desire to gratify your loved-one’s needs and desires.

Many people marry with the idea that marriage will satisfy all their requirements. Others believe it is their spouses’ duty to take care of them. In addition, some people are unhappy being single and believe only marriage will make them happy. Imagine the burden all three of these views place on their partners.

9. IS THERE THE FEELING OF SOLID AND ENDURING FRIENDSHIP?
People in satisfying marriages often describe their spouses as their best friend.

Some people have trouble accepting the notion that a person of the opposite sex could be their best friend. Thus, they overlook the possibility of friendship in marriage. However, a good friendship, with its trust, support, and loyalty, is the bedrock of a solid marriage.

10. ARE YOUR PERSONAL AND HOUSEHOLD HYGENIC STANDARDS COMPATIBLE?
Incompatibility in the need for orderliness and cleanliness can seriously undermine an otherwise gratifying partnership.

This is a more important area then many people realize.

11. ARE YOU WILLING TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY, AS FAR AS IS REASONABLE, FOR MAKING THE RELATIONSHIP WORK?
People who recognize that their actions influence their spouses’ behavior are best able to work out marital difficulties.

Choosing the right person is, sadly, not sufficient to produce a happy marriage. You must also be the right person both for your mate as well as for marriage in general.
 

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Your story sounds wild to me! Sometimes you just know though. I know a couple who has been together since middle school and they've been married over twenty years and one of the happiest couples I know.

Good luck! Expect bumps in the road. They will happen no matter how happy you are right now but know that it's okay and you can work through them.
 
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