He finally said it out loud. I thought having a definite position would make me feel better. It doesn't. I am in agony. She's not my sister or best friend or anything, but this is the worst person he could have done this to me with. In every way. This hurts so bad. We (I) live in an isolated area and he's going to be here while we're in the process of moving in to the city. He told me yesterday that he's definitely not moving in with me. Then he says that he doesn't have definite plans to live with her, but that's the one he wants to live with. So I told him he has to. And now I'm in the most excruciating pain I can imagine. This whole mess has been dragged out for a year as of next month. I should have been more prepared for this. It should hurt less. I can't breathe. I haven't eaten much in days, can't sleep AT ALL...all the typical things....and I don't want my life. I'm not going to do anything stupid. I especially wouldn't do that to my brother. There are people in this world right now who have happy lives and they got sick or in an accident or whatever and they're not going to make it. And they'd give anything for just a little more time. And I....I don't want my life. I always thought we'd be together. I always thought we'd be together.