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I don't know what to do - and need some advice.
To sum up again: my SO of 9 1/2 years left me two weeks for a woman he'd been having an affair with behind my back for 2 months. 2 months of elaborate scheming and lying - and no remorse.

Unfortunately, we never married. He always seemed to "never have enough money" for the altar. This is the same man who'd lived at home until he was 41 (mother and sister), then me, and now - this new woman.

He told me that he would pay the rent to help me until the end of March. Now, I've found out that he's going to Turkey on the 18th (he's a musician). He said he didn't care about breaking the lease. He's a broke musician and "you can't get blood from a stone" (he makes enough money - and he's getting $3,000 when he goes to Turkey).

Today, he texted me (I don't talk to him - it's too upsetting), and told me he wants to come by and pick up the rest of his things. It's February 20th and he's only paid half of this month's rent. I put all of his things in the storage unit downstairs and padlocked it. I'm afraid, if he takes everything, I'll never see another dime. On the other hand, he can also say, he won't pay another dime until he gets his stuff.

Considering that it was I who invested in every stick of furniture, towel, utensil, he doesn't have alot of things of monetary value. If I had to add it up - PERHAPS a grand? IF I'm successful selling them. Not even a month's rent. The worth is more in sentimental, What's on his computer, his family's info, photos, birth, death certificates, or personal collections, or his amp, mic - not worth ALOT, but would be irritating to replace.

I know this is terrible - but I took all the clothes back I gave him. He never, ever bought himself a shirt, coat, or even underwear or socks the entire time we were together. I told him SHE could buy his things for him now.

I don't know what to do.

Should I prepare I legal document saying he gets his things if he agrees to continue paying the rent until end of March, than half until end of June? and have it notarized?

My friend who is a lawyer told me to take him to small claims court for breaking the lease, emotional distress, (easily proved by the financial losses of my company) and sue her for "tortuous interference in a contract". However, I don't know his address. I'm going to have to pay for a background check company to get the address (Intellius? US Search?). Do I tell him I'm planning this when he comes on Friday?

OR, do I tell him to NOT come on Friday AT ALL, it's too soon for me? I just don't know what to do. It's really painful - I need to get my ducks in a row, and I need the financial help. I'm not going to make it otherwise.

I'm already struggling with trying not having a nervous breakdown and keep my company having revenue coming in.

I'm sorry this is so long, but I'm desperate.

Advice?
 

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He owes for half of whatever is left on the lease.

If you give him his stuff you'll probably never see him again.

Even if you sue him and win in small claims court, collecting against the judgment is another matter entirely.

Keep all his stuff under lock and key until he pays for his half of the lease.

Unfortunately, we never married.
Why is it unfortunate?

He still would have left, only you'd be stuck with the cost of a divorce and maybe you'd have to pay him spousal support on top of that given that you're the one with the money.
 

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You say his stuff is in the building under padlock? Ya...you need to get that stuff to where he can't get to it to have any leverage...he breaks the lock (and he will) it's his and your done. Find another place to store it...he can pay you what you want/need to get it back...I'm not a legal person but this is the route I've taken in my marriage....

Stbxh wanted all his garage stuff tools etc....he!! No. All his stuff is where he can't get at it and he left me with thousands in debt...smartest move I made because now I have something to bargain with even tho legally he's responsible for half...

Store his stuff elsewhere until you can slow things down and think a bit clearly for sure....if he gets his stuff he isn't going to pay you a thing...why make things ez for him? No way.

This is my take. Best move fast...and move it ALL...and change your locks....store anything else of value that's yours for now also...just to be safe....just a thought....
 

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Discussion Starter #5
He owes for half of whatever is left on the lease.

If you give him his stuff you'll probably never see him again.

Even if you sue him and win in small claims court, collecting against the judgment is another matter entirely.

Keep all his stuff under lock and key until he pays for his half of the lease.



Why is it unfortunate?

He still would have left, only you'd be stuck with the cost of a divorce and maybe you'd have to pay him spousal support on top of that given that you're the one with the money.
Thanks for that. I probably would be stuck with the lawyer. But I don't have any money - at all. That's the problem.

He's been paying the landlord (putting the $ in my bank acc't and then I pay) steadily, in dribs and drabs, but he's behind, and spending money cooking her dinners (he's famous for that).

I'm only worried that the landlord, because his name is still on the lease, may insist he's allowed to get his things in the storage. Especially since he's the one paying. The landlord has been under the impression we've separated, but seeing a counselor. The landord also lives down the street.

But I still think the $$ is going to stop the minute he gets his things.

SHE's also been advising him on his rights (she changed his postal address). Previously, that had been my advantage.

"you need to get that stuff to where he can't get to it to have any leverage...he breaks the lock (and he will) it's his and your done".

That's what I'm worried about. But I have nowhere to put it. The one person I have asked that I know who has a car, and storage, said they couldn't do it.

He's already threatened to tear the storage apart, to get to his things.

Now, I do have one last option. I downloaded all of his invoices, and bank statements over the last three years. Since he gets benefits, he's lied to both social services, and the IRS about how much he makes. I even downloaded the doctored bank statements he made for it in the first place. I then made a copy, and sent copies of everything to Florida. So, there's that.

This is a pied piper, and when he was romancing me, and I was doing everything for him, life was okay. But when I stopped, I was punished (he'd stay out late - or - find a woman who did).

I left behind a 3 bedroom house in Italy to entirely rebuild a life, and have been left in the 'burbs in NY. He now has a better apartment, better furniture, and a better zip code - instantly. And has left me penniless.

He did take me food shopping a week ago, which yes, seemed decent - but, at the very same time - I tripped and fell in front him while we ran for the train, and I wrenched my knee, and my hand, and he said NOTHING. Not a "are you ok? are you hurt?", as I was holding my knee, and hand, in agony. NOTHING. He just sat in silence, as far as he could.

As we were walking back, he was walking a good 20 clips ahead of me (guess he was late), while I LIMPED behind.

When he decides he's done, he won't show even a feeling of general empathy. We're talking cold - sociopath cold.

With the small claims court, I know I don't have a chance in hell of winning the tort case against her, but he might be protective enough of her to just not want to drag her into it.

I now have a day.
 

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He did take me food shopping a week ago, which yes, seemed decent - but, at the very same time - I tripped and fell in front him while we ran for the train, and I wrenched my knee, and my hand, and he said NOTHING. Not a "are you ok? are you hurt?", as I was holding my knee, and hand, in agony. NOTHING. He just sat in silence, as far as he could.

As we were walking back, he was walking a good 20 clips ahead of me (guess he was late), while I LIMPED behind.
He left you for another woman who he now lives with, you're headed for divorce, he's not paying his share of the finances, you've got his stuff locked away in storage, he's threatening to break the place apart to get to it, you've download important papers of his to blackmail him with, you're planning to sue him in small claims court, and you're wondering why he isn't showing you any compassion?

I don't get why he took you food shopping. Probably to try to nice you into giving him his stuff back. It was probably the last place he wanted to be. Are you sure you tripped by accident? Where was he when you fell? How close to the edge of the platform where you?
 

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Discussion Starter #7
FIRSTLY, we aren't married. I've not mentioned to him anything about small claims, nor the accounts, or the "blackmail". He knows NOTHING about ANY of this. This is JUST IN CASE - when he take his things - and stops paying. HE ALREADY BROKE THE LEASE, and said "so sue me. I'm a broke musician".

So, since he knows NOTHING of any of this - and I have given him EVERYTHING he has asked for up til now, INCLUDING his half-full COCAINE BAGS that I found in his drawers while I packed his stuff in boxes, I'm the one who's been pretty damn decent!!!!!!!

We're talking about survival here. How cruel of you.
 

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You gave him two bags of cocaine?

Seriously?
Yup. They were a 1/4 full. And I gave them to him. I WANT him to be using now. Let HER experience the pains of his drug use (well they use together, anyway - when she's isn't meditating, hiking, and eating vegan -SERIOUSLY).
 

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Maybe post an ad for a roomate? Salvation army can help with utilities for one month. Sometimes churches or other organizations ( youll have to look in phonebook and ask ) will pay your rent for a month or two. Foodbanks, apply for emergency aid. Try and get some help. Scary being in a spot where you have no money and dont know what to do.

What a di&k.
 

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too bad you cant find a place where he can't get to his things...that's going to be your only leverage girl...hope your still working on that...you need to move his stuff or you will have nothing...

you shouldn't have gave him his coke...shoulda either called the cops and busted him out or dumped it and let him tweak...lol.

geez...move his stuff... ya gotta...cos he's gonna come get it...and be done...hang onto it until he pays...hmm....I understand the not having money thing...how about just being able to store some of the bigger things at a friends house? computer? favorite clothes??...'some' stuff??? At least move it for now?
 

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too bad you cant find a place where he can't get to his things...that's going to be your only leverage girl...hope your still working on that...you need to move his stuff or you will have nothing...

you shouldn't have gave him his coke...shoulda either called the cops and busted him out or dumped it and let him tweak...lol.

geez...move his stuff... ya gotta...cos he's gonna come get it...and be done...hang onto it until he pays...hmm....I understand the not having money thing...how about just being able to store some of the bigger things at a friends house? computer? favorite clothes??...'some' stuff??? At least move it for now?
 

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too bad you cant find a place where he can't get to his things...that's going to be your only leverage girl...hope your still working on that...you need to move his stuff or you will have nothing...

you shouldn't have gave him his coke...shoulda either called the cops and busted him out or dumped it and let him tweak...lol.

geez...move his stuff... ya gotta...cos he's gonna come get it...and be done...hang onto it until he pays...hmm....I understand the not having money thing...how about just being able to store some of the bigger things at a friends house? computer? favorite clothes??...'some' stuff??? At least move it for now?
I KNOW!!! I've tried!!! I don't know ANYONE willing to do it!! i spread all of his clothes out among all of my clothes in storage. But amp, is in there. The mic, mic stand, I put behind the fridge.

The PC, I can easily temporarily render useless again, and he cannot use it again unless he calls a computer repair person (it's a secret, but it's very, very easy, and does not harm the computer).

He owes $825.00 for the rest of the month - DUE SUNDAY. He wants to come tomorrow. And - he leaves March 18th to play in Turkey for a month.

OR:

I call him, and tell him what I have on him. I also have her physical address now, so I can serve her, as well.

I began getting terrible anxiety starting late this afternoon, just at the idea of seeing him. The washing machine in my stomach, racing thoughts of fear, the future, him, her, him and her together, him, me, him and me together, he and i fighting, and not, yada yada yada.....i was blindsided by it. I didn't expect this wave of emotions to come at me.

I've tried to keep myself as busy as possible, but it's difficult.

I finally broke down and took half an anti-anxiety med.

I DON'T want to be here tomorrow. The THOUGHT of seeing him triggers me, much less the actual act~! Then add on a potential explosive situation and.....

I asked a friend of mine if her husband could be present, but the chances of that are slim and none.

What to do. I don't want to go dirty. I don't. But I can;t get more F'ed than I am now, either!!
 

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Should have called the cops on him.

Let her experience being in a relationship with a convicted drug user.
I see where he goes by my cell (tracks him by GPS, and records his texts - needed for collecting evidence - not stalking, I promise - I was an investigative journalist, I know how to do all this stuff) and how late he stays out.

It's already starting. She waited for him to come back after he "made her a wonderful dinner" - with a "glass of wine and a kiss, after his gig"; he stayed out until 8 a.m. in the morning, instead.

I pay for the cell phone bill, by the way - I'm stuck in the contract, and dont have the extra $50.00 to buy out the contract.
 

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Maybe post an ad for a roomate? Salvation army can help with utilities for one month. Sometimes churches or other organizations ( youll have to look in phonebook and ask ) will pay your rent for a month or two. Foodbanks, apply for emergency aid. Try and get some help. Scary being in a spot where you have no money and dont know what to do.

What a di&k.
I am trying. I've already been to social services - spending half days there, three times now, starting the process.

I did get emergency food stamps. But it wasn't alot, and already half gone.

It's so hard trying to keep my business going, and a full time job trying to get to all these organizations, as well.
 

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I KNOW!!! I've tried!!! I don't know ANYONE willing to do it!! i spread all of his clothes out among all of my clothes in storage. But amp, is in there. The mic, mic stand, I put behind the fridge.

The PC, I can easily temporarily render useless again, and he cannot use it again unless he calls a computer repair person (it's a secret, but it's very, very easy, and does not harm the computer).

He owes $825.00 for the rest of the month - DUE SUNDAY. He wants to come tomorrow. And - he leaves March 18th to play in Turkey for a month.

OR:

I call him, and tell him what I have on him. I also have her physical address now, so I can serve her, as well.

I began getting terrible anxiety starting late this afternoon, just at the idea of seeing him. The washing machine in my stomach, racing thoughts of fear, the future, him, her, him and her together, him, me, him and me together, he and i fighting, and not, yada yada yada.....i was blindsided by it. I didn't expect this wave of emotions to come at me.

I've tried to keep myself as busy as possible, but it's difficult.

I finally broke down and took half an anti-anxiety med.

I DON'T want to be here tomorrow. The THOUGHT of seeing him triggers me, much less the actual act~! Then add on a potential explosive situation and.....

I asked a friend of mine if her husband could be present, but the chances of that are slim and none.

What to do. I don't want to go dirty. I don't. But I can;t get more F'ed than I am now, either!!

Ugh! I understand that anxiety! I like a bit of Xanax myself on occasion but rarely use it now I no longer have to see my ex unless it's in a court room. Wow you got a GPS on his cell and the ability to record his texts? Kewl...lol..that's a trip. I wish I knew how to do that back in the day...woulda made me crazy though...now healing..

So 'no one' will help you with temporarily storeing his stuff? Dang...sucks cos that's the way to go. Sigh...I'm tellin' ya...for him to come around and he can't get a dam thing...you checked into storage places? I have my stbxh stuff stored and it's about 40 bucks a month...I spose...yea...you said money is tight...no deal huh?...

I'm anxious to find out how this plays out when he comes over...
 

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Ugh! I understand that anxiety! I like a bit of Xanax myself on occasion but rarely use it now I no longer have to see my ex unless it's in a court room. Wow you got a GPS on his cell and the ability to record his texts? Kewl...lol..that's a trip. I wish I knew how to do that back in the day...woulda made me crazy though...now healing..

So 'no one' will help you with temporarily storeing his stuff? Dang...sucks cos that's the way to go. Sigh...I'm tellin' ya...for him to come around and he can't get a dam thing...you checked into storage places? I have my stbxh stuff stored and it's about 40 bucks a month...I spose...yea...you said money is tight...no deal huh?...

I'm anxious to find out how this plays out when he comes over...
It was a blessing and a curse. But I've learned to use it in a way where I've simply trained myself not to look at the unpleasant things. I've had to.

I'm going crazy, trying to think, [email protected]!!!!

Heading to post office now to drop some customer packages off. Going to have to call him, and drop the "bomb". We'll see. I'm trying to decide if I'm going to be here or not. I don't know if I can take it.
 
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